Help Teens Learn How To Ask For Help With Problem-Solving And Metacognitive Skills

The ability to seek help can be crucial to our development and the ability to self-actualize. While we can meet our own needs to an extent, we often require the support, guidance, and care of others to help us grow and achieve our goals. For teenagers, learning how to ask for help can be a vital skill, helping them build self-confidence, work toward various objectives, and develop emotional intelligence. In this article, we’re discussing the importance of seeking support as a teenager, outlining potential obstacles to that support, and providing examples of how teens can learn to ask for help. 

Asking for help is a sign of strength

Reach out to a supportive online therapist

The importance of knowing how to ask for help

As teens navigate life, they typically begin to learn more about their limitations and the extent to which they can meet their own needs. While they may be taking on greater responsibilities and learning more about adult life, there are usually many facets of life they struggle to navigate without guidance. For example, many teens require help when opening a bank account, budgeting, and otherwise managing their finances.

Knowing how to ask for help allows adolescents to acknowledge the areas in which they might benefit from guidance and ensure they can meet their needs through others. It also reinforces the notion that the teen is worthy of others’ time and attention, which can be vital to their self-esteem. Additionally, seeking direction from others can help teens build important social skills.  

It takes courage to ask for help

Why teens may avoid asking for help when problem solving

As they transition to adulthood, teenagers typically begin asserting their independence to a greater degree. They may have more control over their academic careers as they choose a path to college or the workforce, or they might begin working and earning money for the first time. They can also start making more decisions about their well-being, relationships, and extracurricular activities.  

This increased independence, however, can lead teens to rely primarily on themselves for the things that they need. They may deny offers of support from others because they believe they’re supposed to figure things out on their own, or because they’re uncomfortable seeking help.

For some teens, negative experiences at a young age may have led them to avoid seeking direction from others. Teenagers who grew up with parents who dismissed or chastised them for asking for assistance may be particularly prone to not seeking help. Other teens may be living with developmental or mental health disorders that affect their ability to ask for help. Conditions like depression, bipolar disorder, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and social anxiety disorder can impact a teen’s goal-directed behavior, making it harder for them to take steps toward positive outcomes.

Social anxiety disorder: Why some introverted or shy teens struggle to seek help

Often, teens who are uncomfortable in social situations have a hard time advocating for themselves. Shyness is a normal part of life for many young people, particularly those who are more introverted. However, this discomfort with asking for help can be a sign of social anxiety disorder, a mental health condition marked by a heightened fear of judgment or embarrassment in social situations. Symptoms of social anxiety disorder can lead teens to become nervous around authority figures, averse to risk taking, and scared to speak up when they need help.

While social anxiety disorder can present serious challenges, it is a treatable condition. Therapy, medication, and lifestyle changes can alleviate discomfort in social situations. By addressing this potential obstacle to seeking help, caregivers can help teens ensure their needs are met. 

Social-emotional learning, metacognitive skills, and more: Ways to help teens learn how to ask for help

When teens know that they can ask for help, they may be better prepared to overcome challenges and pursue their goals. The following are strategies for teaching teens how to ask for help.

Model the desired behavior when problem solving 

If you’re raising a teen and want to teach them how to ask for help, modeling that behavior can be highly beneficial. When you’re with your teen and working through a problem, try to show them how you seek direction from others. 

For example, if you and your teen are attempting to fix your car, you might call a friend or family member who knows more about auto repair. When that person is able to help you—and the car is successfully fixed—your teen can see the value in utilizing the knowledge and experience of other people. 

Additionally, when your child asks for help, try to provide them with an answer. This may mean telling them you can help and then assisting them, or it might mean telling them you’re not able to help but letting them know where else they can reach out for guidance. Doing this can reinforce the benefits of looking for assistance and help your teen avoid feeling frustrated. 

Consider a social-emotional learning approach

Our abilities to regulate our emotions, empathize with others, take responsibility for our actions, and foster healthy relationships are often key to living a fulfilling life. These skills can be learned through social-emotional learning, which is an approach that is frequently used in classrooms to help young people learn valuable skills. Social-emotional learning programs can help teens develop self-esteem, learn how to advocate for themselves, and navigate interpersonal interactions. 

Brainstorm conversation starters

Consider giving a teen examples of conversation starters they can use when asking for help. The following are potential openers:

• “I’m working on ___ and unsure how to proceed. Do you know what the next steps are?”
• “I am having trouble understanding ___. Can you clarify the concept?”
• “I’m unfamiliar with ___. Can I talk to you about your experience with it?”

When they talk to others about their needs, teens should be concise and clear. You may ask the teen to brainstorm conversation starters with you so that they can start thinking about how to open a dialogue on their own. You can also let them practice with you. Making requests with a trusted adult in a secure environment may help them feel safe when asking for help outside the home.

Help them develop metacognitive skills

Metacognitive skills refer to the ability to recognize our thought processes, the knowledge we possess, and potential gaps in our understanding. Focusing on these skills can be particularly helpful when helping teens learn how to seek guidance. When teens know what knowledge they need to acquire, they may be better able to ask for help. 

For example, when a teen is learning math, their metacognitive skills may help them acknowledge that they understand how to add fractions but not how to multiply them. By recognizing this gap, they can approach their teacher, seek guidance, and improve their grasp of the subject matter. 

To help a teen develop their metacognitive skills, ask them to regularly check in with themselves regarding their understanding of various concepts. Encourage them to periodically write down questions they have so they can identify the gaps in their knowledge. This can enhance the learning experience and ensure they are able to ask for help when necessary. 

It takes courage to seek help for mental health concerns 

For adolescents, caregivers of teens, and other people living with mental health challenges, it can be difficult to reach out for help. As discussed above, it often takes courage to ask for support. By asking a professional for guidance, you can move toward living a healthy, fulfilling life. 

How psychotherapy can help shy or introverted teens seek help

For teens who are living with social anxiety disorder or similar challenges that make it hard to ask for help, therapy can be beneficial. A therapist can help an adolescent develop a healthy sense of self-esteem, learn social-emotional skills, and better navigate social interactions. 

A commonly utilized therapeutic modality for social anxiety is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which focuses on the connections between our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. With CBT, an adolescent can restructure negative thought patterns that contribute to feelings of nervousness and worry during social situations. For example, a teen may be able to reframe beliefs about how people will judge them if they ask for help, leading to increased comfort seeking support. 

How online therapy can help you ensure your needs are met

If you’re interested in participating in mental health care, consider online therapy. A qualified therapist can help you or your teen learn to ask others for what you need so that you can continue to grow. 

Mental health professionals can help teens learn how to ask for help

With an online therapy platform like TeenCounseling (for teens) or BetterHelp (for adults), you can participate in therapy through video call, voice call, or in-app messaging, which can be helpful if you’re a busy teen or parent of a teen. Virtual therapy may also be more comfortable than in-person therapy for teens who struggle with symptoms of social anxiety. Online therapy can be an affordable option as well—BetterHelp memberships start at $65 per week, billed every four weeks. Cost is based on factors such as your location, referral source, preferences, therapist availability and any applicable discounts or promotions that might apply.

Asking for help is a sign of strength

Reach out to a supportive online therapist

The effectiveness of mental health care through online therapy

The results of numerous studies suggest that online therapy can help participants alleviate mental health challenges that may impact their ability to ask for the support they need. For example, in a 2023 study of 15 adolescents, participants reported developing a greater sense of self-esteem and an enhanced ability to overcome obstacles. The study also noted the cost-efficiency and overall convenience of online therapy compared to in-person counseling. Although this particular study is quite small, additional research reveals similar findings.