How Parents Of Teenagers Can Improve Communication And Understanding
Parenting teenagers can come with significant communication challenges and impacts on parents’ mental health. According to a survey conducted by the Harvard Graduate School of Education, 20% of mothers of teens and 15% of fathers of teens experienced anxiety. Parenting children can be challenging at all stages of development, but the teenage years tend to be especially difficult. Teens usually experience a desire for more freedom, which can lead to resentment when parents try to enforce boundaries for their protection. This article will discuss common communication challenges faced by parents of teens and ways that parents might improve communication and understanding.
Why parenting teens can be challenging
Parenting teens can be challenging for numerous reasons. Most teens go through a variety of developmental changes, both physically and emotionally. During this time of change and personal growth, they often experience a need for their own space and a desire for autonomy. However, teens typically still need their parents—not just for physical needs like food and shelter but also for decision-making guidance. A teen’s desire for autonomy and need for their parents can create friction that contributes to frustration and conflict.
In addition, parents of teens are often in the middle phase of life, which can bring its own unique challenges. Parents at this stage of life may begin to re-evaluate their priorities. They may desire to help their teenage children avoid some of their own mistakes as they enter young adulthood, but teenagers’ desire for freedom may lead them to misinterpret any guidance as excessive control.
Common challenges faced by parents of teenagers
Parents of teenagers often experience not only the need to provide for their teens’ physical needs but also concerns for their mental health. Sometimes, this leads parents to set boundaries that can lead to conflict. Teens may interpret rules as restrictions on their freedom rather than recognizing when their parents are attempting to set reasonable protective measures.
Many parents also experience concerns about their teens’ social media use. They tend to worry that social media could lead to anxiety and body image issues, which may contribute to low self-esteem and eating disorders in some teens. Parents may also worry that their teens could meet people online who could be negative influences. To protect their teens, some parents might try to create boundaries related to social media use, but this is often met with frustration and pushback.
How parents of teens and young adults can improve communication
Many parents experience difficulty communicating with their teens. This isn’t necessarily a reflection of their parenting skills but rather of the unique challenges of adolescence. Parents may be able to improve communication by implementing a variety of strategies to reduce conflict and build understanding.
First, parents may receive more receptivity from teens if they begin to listen closely. Young people may feel less guarded if they receive the opportunity to speak first. This does not necessarily mean that parents must give in to the demands of their teens, but they may find more productive conversations happen if they let their teens speak first.
Parents may also find that it helps to validate their teens’ emotions and experiences. Even if parents believe that a teenager’s reactions are excessive, they may be able to help by acknowledging the difficult emotions their teen is experiencing. This may increase teenagers’ openness to discuss their concerns with their parents.
Research on parental stress and mental health
Research suggests that parents often experience just as much stress as their teenage children. For example, one set of studies focused on teens and parents found that approximately 16% of mothers and 10% of fathers experienced depression, compared to 15% of teens with depression. The same set of studies found that nearly 40% of teens “reported being at least ‘somewhat worried’ about the mental health of at least one of their parents.”
Research shows that parents of teens frequently experience stress related to social media use. In a study conducted by the Pew Research Center, 46% of parents stated that they were “extremely or very worried” about their teen viewing explicit content on social media. In addition, 34% of respondents reported being worried that their teens might reveal too much information about their personal lives on social media.
How can parents protect their own mental health?
Parents might implement a variety of strategies to care for their mental health while they’re navigating their children’s teen years. First, parents may find it helpful to incorporate self-care strategies into their daily routines. Self-care can be tailored to the needs of each person but typically includes practices to care for the mind and body.
For example, parents of teens may benefit from engaging in a short mindfulness session each day. Mindfulness typically involves stopping to observe thoughts as they arise without judgment. This process may help parents stop identifying with negative or inaccurate thoughts about their parenting, which may not only improve mental health but also help parents gain a more accurate picture of the efforts they’re making in raising their teens.
Getting help during the teen years
Parents of teens may benefit from speaking with a licensed mental health professional. A therapist can provide evidence-based parenting strategies while addressing mental health concerns like anxiety, depression, and substance use.
Online therapy for parents
Parents of teens often have busy schedules and various obligations that make it difficult to attend traditional in-person therapy sessions. Online therapy can empower parents to connect with a therapist via phone, video call, or live chat from the comfort of their home, office, or any other location with an internet connection. Parents can also contact their therapists at any time through in-app messaging, and their therapists will typically respond when they are able. Parents may find this option useful on days when they have trouble communicating with their teens.
Research suggests that online therapy can effectively treat various mental disorders. A 2017 meta-analysis found that online cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) was effective for anxiety, depression, and substance use disorder, among other mental health conditions. These disorders can be common among parents of teens as they navigate the challenges of this transition into adulthood.
Takeaway
What are the barriers to communication experienced by parents of teenagers?
Parents may find that their children withdraw more during the teen years. Many teens desire independence and want to do things on their own. They may be hesitant to open up to their parents, which can affect communication. Parents who experience serious communication barriers might consider talking to a family counselor (sometimes spelled “family counsellor”) to ask about strategies to get through to their teens.
How can parenting teens affect parents’ mental health?
Parenting teens can lead to significant stress. Parents often worry about their teens’ social media use and the influence of their friends and classmates. Difficulty with communication can also contribute to increased stress for parents. Parents may find it helpful to talk to other adults who understand the unique challenges of parenting teens.
What makes the teen years difficult for parents?
The teen years can be challenging for parents for numerous reasons, including teens’ desire for more freedom. Teens often believe that they are mature enough to make their own decisions. When parents try to enforce boundaries, their teens may resent them, even if they understand the reasons for the boundaries.
What does the research say about parenting teens?
Research shows that parents of teenagers often experience stress for a variety of reasons. Estimates based on research conducted in 2022 suggest that more than one-third of teenagers had at least one parent who reported depression or anxiety.
What can parents of teens and young adults do to improve their relationship?
Parents can implement a variety of strategies to improve understanding with teens and young adults. They may find that it helps to schedule regular time with their teens. This can include having meals together or taking time to engage in fun activities. Parents might also improve their relationship by offering praise when their teens demonstrate maturity.
What are the six sources of tension between adult children and their parents?
Below are six common sources of tension between adult kids and their parents according to psychology:
- Childcare practices for the adult child’s children
- Sibling comparisons
- Financial decisions on how one spends money
- A lack of respect for identity or pushing boundaries
- Conflicting opinions on support needs for the parents due to age
- Conflicting opinions on how the family will spend time together
Family therapy may be a helpful way to address expectations between parents and their adult children and receive advice and support for conflicts.
What does an unhealthy mother-daughter relationship look like?
An unhealthy relationship between any parent and their child is one where both parties lack respect, have poor communication, or exhibit unhealthy behaviors. Parents and children can both contribute to this dynamic. Still, parents of minor children are responsible for being the adults, as youth cannot physically and emotionally make sound adult decisions and may make mistakes as they learn and grow. Overly lax parenting and overly strict parenting are both harmful parenting styles and can have mental health consequences. Poor parenting can lead a child to be more likely to get into substances like drugs and alcohol and can lead to difficulties with peers and schoolwork.
How can you deal with toxic parents as a teenager?
Dealing with toxic parents as a teenager can be challenging, but you’re not alone. Reaching out to an adult you trust or a counselor at school may help you get advice and support. You can also talk to friends, consider a therapist, or try a support group. If you’re a teen or child experiencing or witnessing abuse of any kind from a family member or caregiver, reach out to the Child Help Hotline at 1-800-422-4453 or use the online chat feature.
Why are the teenage years so difficult?
The teenage years can be difficult because adolescents often go through many new social and academic transitions and may still be getting to know their identity. Pushing back against authority can be a typical part of this life phase, and adolescents often struggle with identity and perception of morality. Parents may make this transition easier by meeting teens where they’re at, taking the pressure off, and supporting exploration.
How do you discipline a teenager who won't listen?
Instead of looking at discipline from a lens of punishment or control, try to look at ways to compromise, communicate, and show empathy. Authoritative parenting is generally considered the best form of parenting, unlike permissive or authoritarian parenting. With this type of parenting, parents are firm and in control but still show empathy, kindness, and emotional openness.
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