Anger Management Techniques For Teenagers Seeking More Emotional Control
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The teenage years are sometimes characterized by rebellious behavior and angry outbursts, and seeking anger management tips can be helpful in managing this behavior. It may seem there is a lot to feel angry about, including everyday struggles, frustration with home life, hormonal changes inherent to adolescence, and other negative feelings that can cause anger problems.
It’s okay to feel angry or have angry feelings; in fact, being upset is a natural part of the human experience and a healthy emotion. Anger can be productive and motivating if we express it in the right way and use it for the greater good. However, if your anger is negatively affecting your relationships with people or other aspects of your daily life, or if you feel your anger escalating, that’s when it can become a problem. If you or a loved one is experiencing overwhelming anger, reaching out to an online therapist could be a great option for you.
What is anger?
Anger is an emotional state that can vary from irritability to intense rage. Anger can be a natural response to threats, and it’s actually necessary for survival. These feelings can be caused by both internal and external events. For example, you could be mad at a particular person, which would be considered external, or ruminating thoughts about frustration or failure could cause you to feel angry, which is internal.
When we feel angry, these angry feelings can cause our heart rate and energy hormones like adrenaline to increase as well, and we may typically want to respond in an aggressive manner.
Where do angry feelings come from?
Understanding anger can be an important step in controlling anger and expressing anger in a healthy way. Sometimes there are other, more vulnerable, negative thoughts and emotions underlying anger. Anger isn’t always a reaction to a current circumstance or situation and can be triggered by a person’s own bitterness or negative thoughts. Identifying anger triggers and analyzing your anger can be helpful. Past events affect anger, and there may be something else that is causing you to be emotional.
The issue revolving around anger isn’t feeling anger, it is learning how to feel and express anger in a way that does not hurt yourself or others. Feeling angry is natural but acting out with unchecked anger could cause unhealthy outcomes and may point to further mental health concerns. If your anger or negative feelings associated with it impacts a large part of your life and are affecting friendships, family life, school, work, personal relationships, or your overall quality of life, it may be time to seek help.
Here are some physical warning signs you may need help with your anger:
Resorting to physical violence
Getting into fights at school
Arguing excessively with authority figures
Experiencing frequent outbursts and moments of rage
Destroying property and personal belongings
Using verbal threats to harm others
Self-harming
Using substances to cope with anger
Experiencing steep increases in blood pressure
Anger management tips and strategies
While anger is an emotion we all naturally feel at times, when managing anger becomes difficult and it is affecting many aspects of your life, it may be time to try different anger management techniques to help with uncontrolled anger. If you are looking for tips on how to cope with anger, there are relaxation techniques you can consider that may help you manage anger, reduce stress, feel calmer, and improve your emotional well-being.
Take a break to suppress stress and negative feelings
Often when we experience angry thoughts, we are quick to react, and we end up triggering passive-aggressive behavior and saying or doing things on impulse that we may end up regretting later. If you feel anger rising inside of you or notice your blood pressure rocket, step away from the situation. This gives you time to calm down, think about the situation, and find a healthier way to respond.
Practice mindfulness strategies and deep breathing exercises to calm down
Deep breathing exercises, slowly counting to ten, practicing meditation, doing a few yoga poses, repeating a "calm word," or simply going for a brisk walk outside and observing nature are all mindfulness techniques to help you relax, ease distress, and overcome feelings of anger. Studies show that regularly practicing mindfulness, breathing deeply, and building relaxation skills can improve your mood and feelings of peace. However, during an outburst of anger, remember to step away, count to ten, try progressive muscle relaxation, or try to practice deep breathing exercises and breathe deeply while saying your calming word. These techniques can help you stay calm in the moment.
Get active
Sometimes, the best way to relieve intense emotions is to get active in whatever way works for you. Exercise is another powerful tool that is proven to relieve stress and symptoms of anger. Go for a run, dance to your favorite song, swim, or do any other enjoyable physical activities that move your body. Anger can contribute to health issues, such as heart disease, when it goes unchecked, so exercising or performing any type of physical activity to release tension may be beneficial for limiting this risk, as well.
Listen to music
Music is a great outlet for many people experiencing difficult emotions. Studies show different genres of music can help people process their anger and enhance positive emotions. It can be beneficial to set a relaxing scene in your personal space to allow yourself to decrease your anger and cultivate positive feelings through music.
Journal
Spending some quiet time journaling can be a great tool for expressing emotions and releasing anger. Writing down your emotions can help you understand the root of them and help you process your feelings. Journaling can also help you identify patterns and triggers that could potentially help you manage your anger in the future.
Talk to someone you trust
Keeping feelings bottled up rarely helps improve a situation in the long term; oftentimes, repressing your emotions can actually make things worse. For a teen or child, this could be a parent, however, if a child refuses to talk to a parent or other family member, it might be time to seek professional help.
Seek help from a mental health professional
Some teens may benefit from extra help in overcoming their anger issues and finding healthy ways to express it. Trying to go to anger management classes could be a great option and could help you to practice relaxation skills. A licensed therapist can provide guidance and techniques that can help identify triggers and control anger as well. They can also address underlying concerns like substance use*, which may be contributing to these anger issues.
* Please note that the term “substance abuse” is outdated and is now referred to as “substance use” in the DSM-5.
For all of these techniques, it is important not to have unrealistic expectations, learning to manage anger can take time and practice. When managing anger it is important to engage in positive self-talk and to avoid sarcasm. Doing this for a few moments each day can help diffuse tension and enable you to continue your day in a positive way.
Online therapy for stress and anger management techniques
If you or a loved one are experiencing issues managing anger, and it’s affecting areas of your life, there are solutions that can help. A licensed mental health professional can be an invaluable tool to help you overcome anger and improve your quality of life.
You don’t have to let your anger get the better of you. BetterHelp (18+) and TeenCounseling (13-19) are online therapy platforms that can match you with a licensed professional who can help you manage anger or any other mental health concerns you may have. They can provide techniques and strategies to help analyze your feelings, discover triggers, and help you cope healthily.
Online therapy offers many benefits to potential participants, including the ability to schedule an appointment from a quiet, comfortable space where teens or adults can eliminate or mitigate potential environmental triggers. Participants can feel empowered with the flexibility to arrange appointments during a time that works for them, and online therapy is often more affordable than in-person counseling.
Not only is online therapy beneficial for many teens, but it is also effective in improving symptoms related to anger issues. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one effective treatment that therapists may use to treat youth experiencing significant anger issues. Many youth experience anger as a result of stress or an anxiety disorder, and internet-based CBT has shown advantages over in-person treatment when it comes to patient empowerment and increased clinical efficiency.
Online therapy reviews
Consider reading some reviews from real teenage participants who have benefited from the support of compassionate counselors on the online therapy platform, TeenCounseling:
Review written by Teen Counseling user K.A. after counseling with Steve Van Schaick for 4 months
“Very responsive and effective at giving my teen the coping skills to overcome his anger. Always working with our family, not just my son. He’s awesome.”
Review written by Teen Counseling user P.A. after counseling with Aisha Jakachira for 8 months
“Aisha is that friend when you need her! Long story short, my son has struggled with transitioning to a new school and with anger. Aisha has been that friendly ear and is helping him sort out his emotions and feelings. She also checks in with me to get updates on him on my side.”
Takeaway
Feeling angry is a normal part of growing up. When anger starts to negatively affect your relationships, mood, and opportunities, it may be time to seek additional support. Online therapists on platforms like BetterHelp and TeenCounseling are understanding, nonjudgmental, and qualified to assist teenagers in addressing the root of anger. Take the first step in learning healthier coping mechanisms today.
Read more below for answers to questions commonly asked about anger management techniques.
What is the best way to manage anger and other negative feelings?
One of the best ways to address strong negative feelings is diaphragmatic breathing. Diaphragmatic breathing - or belly breathing - involves taking slow breaths to help yourself remain calm. Evidence suggests that deep breathing can effectively lower stress, improve moods, and prevent escalation of negative feelings like anger.
If you feel your blood pressure rocket out of control when you’re angry and your body gives you clear signs of acute stress, try these steps:
- Find a place to be alone.
- Close your eyes. Consider imagining calming imagery or soothing scenes, which can help calm you faster.
- Take a long, slow deep breath in. Focus on breathing from your belly. It should take four to six seconds for you to finish inhaling.
- Hold your breath for three seconds.
- Slowly release your breath, exhaling at the same pace as you inhaled. It should take four to six seconds to empty your lungs completely.
- Repeat as long as necessary until you feel calm.
Generally, most people feel significantly calmer a few minutes after they start to breathe deeply; it takes a few rounds to be effective. Breathing deeply signals to your body that the situation is calm and relaxed. Feelings of anger appear in response to a perceived threat, and deep, slow breaths let your brain know that no threat is present.
What are 5 ways to control anger that are good for mental health?
If you’re worried that uncontrolled anger is impacting you, you can try these anger management tips:
- Exit the situation. Nothing helps reduce anger like stepping away from whatever is causing it. If you can, communicate that you need to take a few minutes to yourself, but if your anger hits too quickly, just turn and leave. Making an awkward or sudden exit is often preferable to letting anger appear.
- Take a deep breath. While it may seem cliche, deep breathing is one of the best ways to calm yourself down quickly. Anger appears as a response to a threat, whether real or perceived. Taking long, slow breaths signals your body that no danger is present.
- Don’t suppress it if you can redirect it. Suppressed anger is difficult to forcefully hide. If you feel yourself getting angry, acknowledge the emotion healthily. Find a physically-engaging activity like jogging, cleaning, or lifting weights. While you perform that activity, imagine the anger physically leaving your body. If you can feel it in a healthy way, let yourself feel and understand your anger as you perform your activity.
- Communicate your needs (if you can). If you can feel anger rising but are still calm enough to communicate healthily, ask to have your needs addressed. Don’t try to communicate your needs if the situation has been going south for a while. In that case, exit the situation and restate your needs after calming down.
- Avoid unhealthy strategies. You may have heard that you need to “let the anger out” to get past it. However, research has shown that while those methods may make you feel better in the moment, they can make anger significantly worse long-term.
Aside from breathing exercises, what are other strategies for managing anger?
Try these anger management tools to keep your anger in check:
- Identify and name your emotions. Many people do not stop to think about which emotions they are feeling and why. When reducing long-term anger, get in the habit of identifying and naming your emotions to be more specific about why you feel the way you do.
- Communicate as much as possible. Anger and frustration often arise from feeling unheard or misunderstood. Communicate your needs assertively before anger gets out of control, and you’ll stand a good chance of avoiding feelings of anger completely.
- Start a physical activity. You don’t necessarily need to adopt a comprehensive workout routine (although that would be best), but you should add physical activity to your weekly routine if you don’t have any already. Moderate physical activity is one of the best ways to prevent stress, frustration, bad moods, and anger. Even relatively easy things, like taking a brisk walk, can potentially benefit your well-being.
What are 4 healthy ways to express anger?
- Discomfort Caveats. Discomfort caveats are statements aimed at those around you that let them know your emotional state. Calmly let them know you are experiencing intense painful emotions, and communicating clearly may be more difficult. The goal is to keep others from getting defensive. Apologize in advance for your lack of clarity, but not for your emotion. Remember, issuing a discomfort caveat does not excuse or allow aggressive or threatening behavior.
- Slow everything down. Anger and frustration can lead to impulsive and reckless actions. Give yourself a moment to pause. You might feel less angry, but the goal is to give yourself as many options as possible to handle an emotional situation, not to completely avoid the anger.
- Exit the situation and communicate without speaking. If you are concerned you won’t be able to express anger healthily at the moment, consider communicating your thoughts in writing after you’ve had a chance to review them. Writing out your concerns allows you to evaluate the emotional content of your communication and decide whether you are injecting too much anger or frustration.
- Focus on problem-solving. If you’re feeling angry, there may be a frustrating problem that, if addressed, could significantly reduce your negative feelings. If you focus on the problem, it is less likely you will make things personal. Emotionally-charged issues can quickly degrade into interpersonal attacks, and concentrating on the problem details could keep contempt out of the conversation.
Why do I get angry so easily?
There are several genetic, physiological, and environmental factors that determine how likely someone is to feel anger. If you’re easily angered, you may have what therapists refer to as a “low tolerance for frustration.” A low tolerance for frustration is partially due to genetics; evidence suggests that anger is a heritable trait. If a family member has anger problems, it increases the chance you might as well.
Sociocultural factors may also play a role. From a young age, many people are taught that expressing negative feelings like sadness, fear, or anxiety is alright. Anger, however, is often taught as something that should be suppressed, making it challenging to manage as people grow into adulthood.
Stress is another major factor in how anger develops. No matter a person’s natural disposition, they are more likely to become angrier as their stress levels rise. Even typically easy-going people with a high tolerance for frustration may become overwhelmed, frustrated, and angry in very stressful situations.
How can I control my feelings?
Controlling your feelings begins before you feel yourself becoming angry. It is much easier to prevent anger from developing than to stop angry feelings once they appear. Regular physical activity is one of the best ways to keep anger at bay. Adopting an exercise routine boosts positive feelings, reduces stress, and gives you more mental energy for managing negative emotions.
If your stress level starts rising, consider using relaxation techniques to help calm down. One of the top techniques is diaphragmatic breathing, also called belly breathing. Take long, deep, slow breaths, holding your breath briefly when you have completely filled your lungs. Feel the physical sensations that come with deep breaths; belly breathing sends signals to your body of safety, calm, and relaxation.
How do you control anger during a conversation?
Controlling anger during a conversation is more challenging than keeping angry feelings at bay in the first place. If angry feelings arise in the middle of a conversation, consider taking a break as your first course of action. Taking a few minutes to calm yourself can often avoid trouble later on.
You can also provide a discomfort caveat to the other person, letting them know - politely - that you are experiencing intense emotion and may not be able to communicate at your best. This helps the other party not become defensive but does not excuse aggressive or threatening behavior.
Do I need anger management?
If you feel that your anger goes beyond your control, frequently impacts you negatively, or have been told by those around you that you have a problem with anger, anger management therapy is something you should strongly consider. Even if you don’t think you have a problem with chronic anger, if you are experiencing a heavy emotional load from negative emotions or feel you need to suppress feelings frequently, therapy can help.
How do you release anger silently?
One of the best techniques for silently expressing anger is diaphragmatic breathing, or belly breaths. It may sound cliche, but long, slow breaths are one of the best-known methods for quickly and silently reducing anger. To breathe diaphragmatically, start by taking a deep breath that lasts about four seconds. Hold your breath for a second or two, then release it slowly. Again, it should take about four seconds. Repeat until you begin to feel calmer and your anger is starting to be replaced by a more positive emotion.
What is a good form of anger?
Anger is often associated with negative effects, especially when it leads to aggression. However, not all anger is misplaced. Psychologists refer to constructive and destructive anger when discussing its impact on people’s lives. Destructive anger is what is typically discussed; excessive frustration, aggression, and out-of-control behavior are all features of destructive anger.
Constructive anger, or healthy anger, is associated with increased motivation and empowerment. For example, consider a person who is angry and frustrated because they were passed over for a promotion at work. If their anger is destructive, they may lash out or claim that the promotion process is unfair. If their anger is constructive, they will likely feel increased motivation to improve and avoid the frustration associated with another missed opportunity.
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