Parenting Teenagers: Parenting Tips For Supporting Mental Health In Young Adults
The teen years can be a challenging time. Individuals experience rapid growth and change during this age, going from kids relying on their caregivers to young adults finding autonomy. Mental health challenges including but not limited to low self-esteem, mood swings, stress, difficulties with relationships and peer interactions, and issues with body image are common during adolescence. When unaddressed, emotional distress associated with such topics can evolve into more serious mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, eating disorders, substance use disorders, and self-harm.
The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that, globally, 15% of young people ages 10–19 will experience a mental disorder at some point. Such statistics highlight the importance of parental and caregiver support for teen mental health. Here, we’ll explore some of the key factors that can contribute to mental health challenges in adolescents as well as common challenges faced by parents and teens. We’ll also offer a few tips for communicating with your teenager and striking a healthy balance between providing guidance and encouraging independence so you can best support your teen’s well-being.
From children to young adults: understanding teenage development
Adolescence is marked by complex and sometimes overwhelming physical, mental, and social transformation. While such changes can be exciting for your child or children, they can also be highly challenging. Teenagers don't always talk to their parents or other adults about the difficulties they face, even if they’re affecting their mental health. Learning about them may help caregivers better support their teen’s overall well-being.
Physical changes in adolescence
Adolescence often marks the onset of puberty, which typically includes rapid growth spurts, hormonal fluctuations, and the development of secondary sexual characteristics. As their body develops, a teen might begin having concerns about body image and become physically self-conscious. Exposure to a toxic or unsupportive environment at home or school can exacerbate insecurity.
Emotional and psychological growth in young adults
Significant changes in mental state tend to occur during adolescence as individuals develop greater self-awareness, learn to regulate emotions, navigate complex social situations, and develop a sense of identity. The teenage years are often marked by periods of self-exploration and mood swings as young people grapple with expanding their abstract thinking skills and a desire for autonomy. Despite the desire for independence, most teens still need parental support, which can sometimes create or deepen challenges in familial relationships.
The influence of peers and social environment on teenagers
A teen's peer interactions and social environment can significantly impact their behavior, often shaping their decision-making, self-image, and overall development. Sometimes, peer influences can be positive, helping teens foster social skills and empathy and learn to navigate complex social situations. However, when peer influence turns to peer pressure, teens may become involved in risky behaviors like drug and alcohol use or unsafe sex to fit in with a group. Online and offline social environments can contribute to cyberbullying and social exclusion, negatively impacting mental health.
Common challenges in parenting teenagers
Parents and caregivers often face many challenges when it comes to raising a teen. Resistance to parental authority and assuming adults don't understand their experiences may deter teens from communicating their struggles to their parents, which may exacerbate these challenges. Specific examples of typical parent-teen conflicts include:
- Choices in clothing, makeup, or hairstyle
- Driving privileges
- Curfew disputes
- Preference for spending time with friends over family
- Choices in friends or partners
- Defiant or aggressive behaviors
- Risky sexual behaviors
- Substance use
- Trouble at work or school
- Problematic or excessive social media or internet usage
Parenting tips for effective communication
A healthy, trusting relationship often hinges on honest communication. However, teens can be hesitant to share their experiences openly with adults. It might take time and patience, but it can be possible to cultivate a relationship in which your teen feels comfortable confiding in you, even about more personal issues they might be facing. When your teen feels comfortable talking to you, they may feel safer asking for your help when needed.
Parenting teenagers with active listening and empathy
Active listening means focusing on trying to understand what your teen is intending to say and not interrupting. To practice it, you might also validate their feelings and perspective and let them know you can discuss their challenges together without judgment. It can help to ask open-ended questions when appropriate and address sensitive issues patiently. A parent might also get to know when to offer advice and when to simply listen.
Sometimes, spending quality time doing something you both enjoy or making it a point to sit down to eat family meals together can go a long way toward letting your teen know you can share positive experiences and endure challenges together. Approaches like these might foster productive communication in which your teen feels safe discussing sensitive topics.
Teenagers, boundaries, and independence
Boundaries can give parents a sense of control over their teen's behaviors and can also be a positive choice for both parties’ mental health. Boundaries help your teens know you care and want to guide them when you aren't together, helping them feel safe and supported while navigating their newfound autonomy.
How parents can support teen independence while enforcing reasonable rules
It can be wise to define the limits you'll set for your child with your partner or other caregivers, if applicable. All parties should generally be on the same page to avoid mixed messages. When speaking with your teen about rules and boundaries, allow room for negotiation rather than dictating your decisions. Recognizing and respecting their individuality can help your teen better understand how accountability and consequences work. When they have the freedom to make choices, they can also learn from mistakes when those choices don't work out. These experiences can encourage self-reflection and may result in better problem-solving abilities in the future.
Strengthening trust and connection
As your teen comes to desire more space and independence, staying connected can become more challenging. Finding shared interests and activities can be a good foundation for balancing family time with their need for space. Celebrating their milestones and achievements can let them know you value their independence too and may reinforce positive behaviors and good decisions.
Parenting tips for setting boundaries without losing connection
It can be possible to strike a healthy balance between establishing rules and respecting your teen’s boundaries—all while staying connected and involved. Violating a teen's boundaries can create significant trust issues in parent-teen relationships, so you might find ways to give them their space while staying involved.
It can help to encourage independence within a safe framework by establishing solid rules and routines around things like homework, chores, curfews, screen time, and other topics. When challenges arise, let them know you can provide support and guidance.
Handling conflict and disagreements
Conflict and disagreements are normal parts of the parent-teen relationship as adolescents begin exploring the boundaries of independence. While disagreements can be painful or uncomfortable, they can also serve as opportunities for growth when handled productively.
How you manage disagreements can influence how your teen learns to handle conflict. If you and your child clash on certain issues (or seemingly every issue), you might listen closely to their point of view and try to understand their perspective.
Some other useful tips may include:
- Teaching the value of negotiation and give-and-take in resolving conflicts
- Expressing your feelings without blaming
- Being aware of your own defensiveness
- Normalizing accountability in arguments by apologizing when appropriate and teaching your teen to do the same
- Helping your teen learn that conflict can be healthy and productive
- Encouraging your teen to approach and resolve conflicts constructively
Teens, emotions, and mental health
Conflicts can bring about strong emotions for anyone, but the mood swings caused by hormonal changes in puberty might make them even more challenging to cope with for your teen. You might protect their mental health by striving to stay calm during heated moments and "choosing your battles" mindfully. Remind them that even though you might feel angry or frustrated, you still love and support them unconditionally.
You can help your teenager learn emotional regulation skills through mindfulness during heated moments and encourage them to step back and consider the bigger picture. Looking at the situation from a different perspective may help them reframe unhealthy thoughts and beliefs into more productive ones.
Teaching accountability and consequences
When teaching your teen how to take accountability for their actions, it may help to collaborate on setting rules and the consequences of breaking them. You might define appropriate rules together and agree on what should happen if those rules are violated. If or when they break the rules, address it calmly but firmly and avoid the potential urge to react rather than respond. Remind them that you both agreed on what’s fair and encourage them to learn from the consequences of their behavior by giving them another opportunity to do the right thing.
Parents need to care for their mental health, too
Being a teenager can be stressful, but parenting teens can also be stressful. Research on the subject reveals a strong correlation between the mental health of parents and adolescents. Studies suggest that teenagers experiencing depression are roughly five times more likely to have a parent with depression than those without. Teens with anxiety are also approximately three times more likely to have a parent with anxiety.
As a parent, looking after your mental health can be essential for taking good care of your teen. It can also be an excellent opportunity to teach them to respect and care for their own mental health. Here are some suggestions for ways to take care of your mental health while caring for your teen’s emotional well-being:
- Establish stress-management routines in the house, like regular “lights-out” times to promote good sleep and regular time outside for stress relief
- Make time to do things that nourish and bring you joy
- Eat nutrient-dense foods whenever possible, exercise, and get plenty of quality sleep
- Practice mindfulness, meditation, and other stress-relieving exercises
- Give yourself grace and avoid putting pressure on yourself to be perfect
- Build supportive relationships with other parents and caregivers
- Reach out to family and friends for support
- Know when to ask for professional help
Potential barriers to getting help
Despite its many potential benefits, many parents don’t seek guidance from a mental health professional when they become overwhelmed. Busy parents may struggle to find time to commute to and attend therapy sessions. Or, some assume therapy is unaffordable or won't help them, while others might experience reluctance because of the stigma surrounding mental health.
Virtual therapy offers a potential solution to many of these obstacles. First, it allows parents or caregivers to speak with a mental health professional remotely on a schedule that fits their needs from the comfort of home. Also, online therapy is often more affordable than in-person treatment without insurance.
There is a wealth of research to indicate that online therapy, particularly internet-delivered cognitive behavioral therapy (iCBT), can be effective in reducing symptoms of mental health challenges like anxiety and depression in many cases. For example, one meta-analysis of forty randomized controlled trials suggests that iCBT can be a practical approach for treating depression and anxiety, improving the quality of life for many individuals experiencing depression and anxiety symptoms.
Takeaway
If you and your teen are experiencing challenges managing their transition from childhood to young adulthood, you aren’t alone. While it might seem overwhelming at times, with patience, flexibility, trust, and communication, it can be possible to nurture and support your teen during the sometimes-tumultuous phases of adolescence. It can also be helpful to look after your own mental health. By investing in your emotional well-being, you can lay a stable foundation for effective parenting.
How should you discipline a teenager who won't listen?
In general, there are three types of effective consequences for teenagers: natural consequences, loss of privileges, and restitution. An example of a natural consequence would be a teenager being reprimanded by their teachers after failing to complete their homework. Meanwhile, loss of privileges typically involves taking away a privilege related to the rule the teen has broken. Finally, restitution generally refers to fixing the situation the teen has caused. For instance, if they purposely broke something when angry, restitution could involve either repairing or replacing the item.
What is the healthiest parenting style?
Research usually cites authoritative parenting as the healthiest parenting style. Authoritative parents employ open communication and take their children’s opinions into account, but they still have clear rules and consequences.
What is meant by helicopter parenting?
Helicopter parenting generally refers to a style of parenting in which parents are excessively involved in their children’s lives. Helicopter parents are usually overprotective and highly controlling. They may believe that a bad thing will happen if they don’t constantly push their children and remain deeply involved in their lives, but the truth is that never letting their kids develop self-sufficiency may be the wrong approach.
What is an unhealthy parent-adult-child relationship?
In an unhealthy relationship between a parent and their adult child, one or both parties may be disrespectful, controlling, manipulative, or critical. In some cases, unhealthy relationships like these occur when parents fail to recognize that their children are now adults and are free to make their own decisions. Some parents may continue to expect their children to do as they say and may not truly hear their adult children when they express interest in other things. This can make it challenging for adult children to live their lives in the way they desire.
What should you do when your teenager shuts you out?
Although it can be hurtful when your teen shuts you out, particularly if you previously had an amazing relationship with them, try to avoid lecturing them, talking to them about how they’re hurting your feelings, or questioning them in hopes of gaining information. Instead, try to focus on having positive interactions, such as enjoying a meal together in the morning or evening and engaging in activities you both enjoy.
How can you help a teenager regulate their emotions?
Modeling healthy coping skills and emotion regulation can help young boys and girls learn how to effectively navigate their own emotions. A few coping skills you might introduce to your teen include listening to calming music, writing about their feelings, and focusing on the things they have control over. Instead of immediately reacting to their emotional behaviors, take some time to breathe deeply before responding. Avoid judgment, exercise empathy, and ask your teenager whether they’d like advice instead of offering it unsolicited.
What should you do with a troubled teenager?
If you’re concerned about your teenager’s mental health, consulting their doctor or a mental health professional can be helpful. If your teen doesn’t want to talk to you about what they’re going through, finding a suitable professional with whom they can talk can provide them with a necessary outlet for their emotions.
Why is being a teenager so hard?
Being a teenager can be hard because adolescence is a time of transition and development. Puberty, hormonal and emotional fluctuations, increasing responsibilities, changing relationships with parents and peers, and a new desire for independence often make the teen years a difficult time.
What is the most common mood disorder in adolescence?
Major depression tends to be the most common mood disorder in young people. This disorder involves symptoms like irritability, low mood, sadness, a sense of hopelessness, a lack of interest in previously enjoyed activities, and changes in eating and sleeping habits. If you believe your teen may have depression, opening up a conversation about mental health can be helpful.
Which parenting style is most encouraged in modern America?
Authoritative parenting tends to be the most encouraged parenting style in modern American culture. In this parenting style, the key is that parents establish clear rules, expectations, and consequences but emphasize open communication and negotiation with their children. This gives children the structure they need while also showing them that their parents value their thoughts and feelings, helping them develop healthy self-worth. It also enables them to develop a sense of independence and self-sufficiency, which can help them succeed in their first job, college, and adult life.
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