Teaching Teens To Seek Support: How Parents Can Impart Emotional Intelligence
Reaching out for help when we need it is a crucial life skill that can help us pursue our goals, foster wellness, and provide support to others. For teens, asking for help can be difficult at times. Increasing independence, past negative experiences, and other factors may keep them from practicing this skill. However, there are several ways of helping teens learn how to get more comfortable asking for direction, care, and compassion when they need to. Below, we’re discussing the benefits of asking for help and outlining approaches that you can take when helping your teen learn to seek support.
The importance of knowing how to ask for support
When we can’t meet our own needs, it’s often necessary for us to seek the care, guidance, or knowledge of others. Asking for help is a way for us to acknowledge our own limits while ensuring our needs will be met. It is not a sign of weakness—in fact, it often takes courage to ask others for support or direction. Also, not asking for help when necessary could lead to a sense of loneliness as well as negative outcomes related to the challenge at hand.
Asking for help can demonstrate a certain level of emotional intelligence, which is a skill that involves being self-aware, self-regulating, and socially adept. People who are emotionally intelligent generally know when they require help, understand how to obtain it, and can interact with others in a way that leads to beneficial outcomes.
Being able to seek support from others can also be a sign of healthy relationships. Asking for help can indicate to a family member or friend that they are valued and appreciated. It’s a sign of trust, and individuals who seek the care of loved ones often develop closer connections with those people.
Why teens may struggle to seek help
Research suggests that help-seeking behaviors among adolescents are frequently inhibited. When teens avoid seeking help, they can miss out on the above-mentioned benefits associated with reaching out for support. The following are common reasons for this hesitance.
Increased independence
Teens typically gain an increasing amount of agency over their lives the closer they get to adulthood. They may start to take over their schoolwork to a greater degree, drive themselves around, rely less on their parents for emotional support, and assert their independence in other ways. This independence can lead them to mistakenly believe that they should complete all tasks on their own, without help from others.
Past negative experiences
Many children are met with obstacles when they ask for help at a young age, which can make it harder for them to reach out as teenagers. If a child is regularly denied support by their parents or other authority figures or teased or belittled for asking for it, they may begin to believe that they aren’t worthy of help or that they should always come up with answers on their own.
Psychological challenges
Certain mental health concerns can make it more difficult to reach out for help. A mental health condition like depression, for example, can cause a lack of motivation, fatigue, social withdrawal, a sense of worthlessness, and other symptoms that may make pursuing support harder. We’ll explore the importance of young people asking for help with teen mental health concerns below.
Common adolescent mental health challenges
The prevalence and severity of many mental health concerns today highlight the need for teens to seek support when necessary. There is evidence that the incidence of conditions like depression and anxiety is increasing globally. Mental health challenges can put increased strain on teenagers, who are already navigating the often-difficult transition to adulthood.
Common teen experiences like a changing body, added responsibilities, and uncertainty about the future can contribute to or cause emotional distress and psychological challenges. However, as discussed above, these mental health concerns can also make it harder for teens to reach out. As stated by researchers in one study, “Adolescents most in need of psychological help are those least likely to look for it”. This, they explain, contributes to the treatment gap in adolescents. Only 25% of teens with mental health concerns seek care.
Modeling, emotional intelligence, and other strategies for teaching teens to seek support
When teenagers need help seeking support, there are several approaches you can take. The following strategies may help your teen learn to ask for guidance and potentially lead to positive outcomes in their life.
Model the desired behavior as a parent or caregiver
As a caregiver, you may want your teen to believe that you have all the answers. However, showing them that you also need support at times may help them feel more comfortable seeking it themselves. You might try to model this behavior by regularly asking others for help in front of your teenager.
Take, for example, a situation in which your teen asks you a question about a specific topic. You might say something like, “I’m not sure about that. Let’s ask [family member or friend] since they know more about this subject.” After pursuing the guidance of another person—and successfully answering the question—you can show your teen the value of seeking support. This demonstrates to them that you recognize your own limits and feel confident enough to let other people fill in the gaps.
Emphasize the importance of emotional intelligence
Components of emotional intelligence—like self-awareness, emotional regulation, and social skills—are widely considered to be vital to a person’s ability to live a fulfilling, productive life. Talk to your teen regularly about the importance of emotional intelligence and how they can develop it in their life.
You might have them list their proficiencies as well as areas in which they think they can improve. You can also encourage them to check in with themselves frequently when they are learning something new. Have them regularly ask whether there are concepts they don’t understand or subjects they’re struggling with. The self-awareness that comes with emotional intelligence can help teens identify gaps in their knowledge where they might benefit from the guidance and expertise of others.
Let them know you’re available to listen
Feeling unheard early in life can make teens and children struggle to reach out later when they need help. Show your teen that you’re available to have a nonjudgmental, candid conversation whenever they want to express concerns or just talk about their feelings. Knowing that they can ask you for help may make the process more comfortable for them, leading to more productive interactions with others as well.
Other strategies for teaching teens to seek support
There are a few other approaches that may also help when teaching your teen to ask for support. For example, you might teach them conversation starters so that they know what to say when asking others for direction. For example, at school, they can approach their teachers for help by saying, “I’m not sure I understand this concept. Can you give me some guidance?”
Additionally, research suggests that stigma and a lack of awareness of mental health topics commonly contribute to reductions in help-seeking behavior in teens. Normalizing emotional challenges by discussing them openly can help reduce the stigma that may be attached to them. You could consider taking your teen to a support group where they can meet people who are experiencing similar concerns. You might also talk about your own experiences with a mental health challenge, if applicable.
Helping teens take advantage of mental health resources
Parents and caregivers can assist teenagers in finding and using various tools and services, including psychotherapy, informational materials, and helpful exercises that teach them about mental health topics.
Consider going to the library or a bookstore with your teen to check out or purchase reputable books from trained mental health professionals on mental health-related topics. Or, you and your teen might try listening to psychology lectures at a local college or podcasts about emotional intelligence. You may also help your teen find quality online resources geared toward adolescents. For example, the US Department of Health and Human Services hosts a Mental Health for Adolescents page that includes information on common psychiatric disorders, links to research, and tips for teens seeking care.
Lastly, directly connecting your teen with mental health care is often an effective way of helping them address psychological concerns, navigate life challenges, and learn how to seek guidance and care. You can search for qualified therapists near you or use an online therapy platform, where your teen can be matched with a professional.
How parents and teens can seek support through online therapy
If you’re seeking mental health care for yourself or your teen, you might consider connecting with a licensed therapist online. Online therapy can be an effective and convenient way for busy parents and young people to seek professional help, since it allows you to receive support from home and is also often more cost-effective than in-person care without insurance.
The benefits of online mental health resources for teens and parents
With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp (for adults) or TeenCounseling (for teens 13–19), you or your teen will be matched with a licensed therapist, allowing you to receive support from someone who suits your needs and preferences. You can then speak with them live remotely from anywhere you have an internet connection, at pre-scheduled times that work for the both of you. Your therapist can also connect you with helpful mental health resources, such as at-home exercises geared toward developing emotional intelligence.
The efficacy of online therapy
The results of an increasingly large number of studies point to the potential effectiveness of online therapy for treating a range of mental health concerns that may impact teens. In a systematic review that involved 25 studies and 11 different disorders, for example, researchers suggest that therapy for treating mental health conditions in children and teens “can be successfully adapted to an internet-delivered format”. Additionally, in studies in which the two modalities were compared, online therapy was indicated to be as effective as in-person counseling in many cases.
Takeaway
Knowing how to ask for support can be vital to a teenager’s ability to navigate the transition to adulthood in a healthy, productive way. Parents and caregivers can teach their teens how to ask for help by modeling that behavior, imparting lessons on emotional intelligence, and connecting them with useful mental health resources. If you or your teen are interested in working with a therapist, you might consider utilizing an online therapy platform. Reaching out for help isn’t always easy, but it can be a constructive step toward mental wellness.
What are five obstacles that get in the way of asking for help?
Obstacles that may prevent people from asking for help include mental illness, a focus on doing everything on their own, fear of judgment, fear of rejection, and waiting for others to make the first move. Although asking for help may seem scary or intimidating, it’s a normal part of life, and everyone in the world can benefit from assistance sometimes.
How can you encourage children to ask for help?
One way to encourage kids to ask for help is to model the behavior. For example, while you’re cooking dinner, you could ask them for help measuring ingredients. This can normalize the concept of asking for help, as well as emphasize the benefits of a collaborative approach to tasks.
What are the two steps to teaching your child to ask for help?
In general, two steps to teaching children (particularly students) to ask for help include the following:
- Teaching them how to recognize when they need help
- Fostering an environment in which they feel safe asking for help
How can you overcome difficulty asking for help?
Recognizing that everyone needs help sometimes can be crucial. You might engage in self-reflection to determine why it’s challenging for you to ask others for help. Try to offer yourself empathy and the space to reflect on your fears and insecurities. Often, asking for help becomes easier with practice.
Why is it difficult for people to seek help openly?
Some people think it’s embarrassing or shameful to need help, or they desire complete control over their lives and don’t want to involve other people in their challenges. Everyone approaches the concept of seeking help in different ways, but being honest with yourself and asking for assistance when you need it can be essential.
What obstacles prevent people from getting help?
When it comes to getting help for mental health concerns like stress and depression, obstacles like cost and stigma can function as barriers to care. A lack of awareness likely also plays a role, as people are unlikely to seek help if they don’t recognize that a problem exists.
How do you make it easier to ask for help?
Communicate your needs clearly and concisely, and enforce healthy boundaries. Start by asking for small favors or simple requests that don’t necessarily matter in the long run to build your confidence.
What obstacles will you need to overcome to reach this goal?
When you’re setting a goal or learning new skills, identifying the obstacles you will need to overcome can prepare you for success. This enables you to respond accordingly and develop a plan to tackle any potential setbacks.
What stops people from asking for help?
Many people don’t ask for help because they’re afraid of looking weak or being rejected. However, never asking for help can negatively impact a person’s well-being.
What is the weakness of asking for help?
Asking for help does not show weakness. Instead, it can show someone’s strength. When someone recognizes that they cannot accomplish important things on their own and requests assistance from another person, they display confidence and openness to others’ capabilities.
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