Tips For Empathetically Discussing Mental Health With Your Teenager
There are many reasons parents or caregivers of teens may want or need to discuss mental health topics with them. Adolescence can be a tumultuous period for mental health, since it’s a time of many pressures and changes. Getting the mental health conversation started with your child as they grow up may help them feel supported and more resilient when future mental health challenges arise. Whether a teenager brings up the topic of youth mental health or a parent decides it's time to broach it, the tips shared here may help caregivers navigate these conversations effectively.
How to approach discussing mental health with your teenager
It can be useful to approach mental health conversations with a calm, supportive attitude. It’s often best to try and have these conversations when you and your teen, if possible, feel at ease and centered. Ideally, you’ll be able to stay relaxed throughout the conversation without becoming reactive or upset. By discussing mental health in a calm manner, you can show your teen that mental health is a normal topic to talk about and not something that's off-limits or supposed to be tip-toed around.
During your conversation about mental health, you might try to do more listening than talking. Share whatever information or messages that you want to share, but also ask questions. Then, you can let your teen answer the questions without interrupting them, even if you disagree with something they say. In general, you likely want your teen to leave the conversation feeling that they can trust you and that you’re a safe person they can turn to discuss mental health. You don't want them to leave feeling like mental health is a topic that upsets you or stresses you out, because then they might not feel comfortable discussing it with you in the future.
How not to approach discussing mental health with your teenager
When discussing mental health with your teenager, it can be important to avoid making them feel judged. If they open and up and share vulnerable information about their thoughts, feelings, actions, or relationships, be receptive. Even if they share something that surprises or upsets you, try to stay calm in the moment instead of reacting to emotions that you haven't yet processed.
According to Mental Health America (MHA), when discussing mental health, it can also be advisable to not argue with your teen, minimize their feelings, or tell them how they should or shouldn't feel or act. Similarly, it’s usually unhelpful to compare them to their siblings or friends or blame others for any mental health challenges your teen may be experiencing.
What it means to be empathetic about your teen's mental health
Showing empathy to your teen involves being kind, accepting, and understanding regarding their experiences and emotions. The American Psychological Association (APA) shares that Jamil Zaki, PhD, a psychologist from Stanford University, calls empathy the "psychological superglue that connects people.” The APA also notes that empathy is a skill that can be cultivated. If empathy doesn't feel natural to you, you can intentionally try to practice being more empathetic with your teen.
When practicing empathy, try to understand your teen's point of view instead of making assumptions or judgments. You might seek to genuinely and deeply understand their perspective, their thoughts and feelings, and their reasoning for choices they've made. Validate their feelings, even if you can't fully understand them. If you can relate to what your teen tells you, you might consider opening up and sharing some of your own personal mental health-related experiences.
Why parents might want to talk about mental health with teens
Parents may choose to talk with their teenage children about mental health for a variety of reasons. Perhaps they suspect that their teenager is experiencing mental health concerns. Or, parents may want to talk about their own personal history or a family history of mental health disorders. Sometimes parents also bring up mental health because raising children who aren't biased or perpetuating stigma against people with mental illnesses is important to them.
Talking about the mental health of parents
Sometimes parents or caregivers want to discuss mental health with their teenager in order to share their own mental health struggles or share necessary information about the mental health of their partner or another close family member. When this is the case, it's likely best to decide in advance what information you’ll share and then speak in a calm, straightforward manner when sharing it.
Sharing a diagnostic label of any mental health disorders, if there are any, as well as a basic description of how the parent or family member’s life is impacted as a result could be useful. However, parents should be careful not to scare the teen, such as by leading them to believe that they will definitely develop the same disorder.
Talking about a teen's mental health
Starting a discussion about a teen's mental health may be warranted when signs of a potential mental health challenge are present. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), a young person may be experiencing mental health challenges if they show symptoms like:
- Major changes in sleeping or eating habits
- Difficulty going to school or doing other daily tasks
- A lack of interest in spending time with friends and family
- A lack of interest in activities they used to enjoy
- An increase in arguments with friends and family
- Difficulty controlling emotions
- Low energy
- Feelings of hopelessness
- A numb feeling or the belief that nothing matters
- An inability to stop thinking about certain memories or experiences
- Frequent feelings of confusion, anger, worry, or fear
- Thoughts about self-harm, suicide, or harming others
- Unexplained physical pain or achiness
- A desire to drink alcohol, smoke, or vape excessively
- Hearing voices that others can’t hear
When discussing a teen's mental health, SAMHSA suggests asking if they are being affected by bullying, as this might be more common among high school students struggling with mental health. A discussion about a teen's mental health is also an opportunity for a parent to, without judgment, find out if their teen is feeling overwhelmed or experiencing other symptoms and gently outline potential support options. The conversation can also be a way for a parent to establish themselves as a potential confidant and source of support.
Discussing mental health more generally
Discussing mental health in general can be a way to cultivate empathy and understanding in young people so they can be kind and nonjudgmental when interacting with others who have a mental illness. Even if a teen isn't currently living with any mental health challenges themselves, a general mental health discussion may help them become more informed and ready to respond if they, a friend, or a family member develops mental health symptoms in the future.
What to do with your teen brings up mental health to you
Whether you or your teen brings up mental health, it's generally important that you stay calm and supportive throughout the conversation and aim to withhold judgment. Let your child know that you fully accept them, regardless of what they are experiencing, and that you are someone they can trust and speak openly with.
If you are caught off-guard by the situation and become upset or say something you regret, you might try to not be too hard on yourself. After reflection, you can bring the topic up again, apologize if necessary, and describe how you wish you had responded instead.
Modeling empathy for a teen
While direct conversations about mental health are one way to practice empathy and try to cultivate empathy in your teen, you can also try to become more aware of how you respond when mental health comes up in everyday life. In these unplanned moments, you have the opportunity to model empathy, which could end up influencing your teen as much as planned conversations might.
Modeling empathy might look like expressing kindness whenever you encounter or hear about people with mental illnesses. Modeling empathy might also involve refraining from gossiping or speculating about others' mental health as well as standing up for people when others are bullying or judging them for their mental health concerns.
When to see a mental health professional
Many teens find that this period of life is often challenging, as it can be for parents with teenagers. Meeting with a mental health professional can be a source of support and guidance for teens or their caregivers. Mental health professionals can help people who have mental health disorders. However, they can also help people who don't have a mental health disorder but are under a lot of stress or currently going through a difficult time in life.
Resources and mental health professional types for teens
Teens and young adults have many options when seeking mental health help. If they are still in school, they may be able to talk with a school counselor at no charge. If they are facing suicidal thoughts, a lifeline like the 988 Crisis Lifeline (US) may be a critical resource. It can be reached by calling 988. For less urgent, ongoing support, individuals might connect with a qualified therapist, counselor, or psychiatrist online or in person. A licensed professional who specializes in working with adolescents may be especially helpful. They can provide a safe space for teens to share their feelings and concerns and teach them healthy coping mechanisms, from cognitive restructuring to taking deep breaths when overwhelmed.
The option of online therapy
Many prefer online therapy because it can generally provide similar benefits to traditional face-to-face therapy without requiring travel to a therapist's office. Online therapy sessions can occur remotely from anywhere you have a wifi connection, which can be more comfortable and convenient than commuting to an office.
With online therapy, a client can communicate with their therapist through phone calls, video calls, and/or in-app messaging. In many cases, online therapy is also more affordable than traditional in-person sessions without insurance. This type of care is available for teens ages 13–19 through platforms like TeenCounseling and adults through platforms like BetterHelp.
Exploring the effectiveness of online therapy
Research suggests that online therapy can often be as effective as in-person therapy. For example, consider a systematic review and meta-analysis that looked at 54 randomized, controlled trials in which a total of 5,463 people received either remote or in-person cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). The participants had a variety of mental health disorders, including anxiety disorders, depression, insomnia, chronic pain, fatigue, eating disorders, alcohol use disorder, and mood disorders. The findings suggest that there was "little to no difference in the effectiveness" of online and in-person mental health treatment options for addressing these concerns.
Takeaway
Parents may want to talk with their teenage children about mental health for various reasons, whether to encourage empathy, share about their own challenges, or because they suspect their teen may need mental health support. Being empathetic and open in these conversations is typically of utmost importance. If a parent or their teen is in need of professional mental health support, care is available online and in person.
Should parents talk about mental health with their children?
Children may be more willing to talk about mental health if parents talk about it. Parents might be careful not to force the topic on teens. Instead, they can tell their teens that they can always feel free to talk about mental health and ask for help if needed. Parents can also help teens find resources with information about how to get help in life-threatening situations as well as in situations that aren’t urgent.
What are good discussion questions for mental health?
One way to discuss mental health is to use open-ended questions that require more than just a yes or no response. Parents, educators, and public health professionals might consider asking their teens what they know about various mental disorders, such as depression and anxiety. They can also help teens learn strategies to cope with stress related to school and relationships.
What should you not say when talking about mental health?
When discussing mental health, parents might want to avoid certain terms like “mental health issues.” Some terms may stigmatize the topic of mental health. Parents can discuss the importance of talking about mental health and seeking mental health treatment when necessary.
How do you explain parental mental illness to a child?
To explain mental illness to a child, you might consider comparing mental disorders to physical illnesses. You might state that just like people see a doctor when they feel sick, they can also seek help from a mental health professional for mental health conditions. Parents might explain to children that there are treatments to reduce the negative effects of various mental disorders.
What 3 questions can you ask about mental health?
Parents can ask several questions depending on what their teens or adolescents may be experiencing. The following are some questions that may help:
1) Do you know how to seek mental health support?
2) Would you like to talk to a teen counselor, either in person or online?
3) Do you know what to do if someone makes you feel pressured to engage in substance use or other activities that make you feel uncomfortable?
Is mental illness inherited from mother or father?
Research suggests that genetics may play a role in mental illness. However, just because someone has a family member with a mental illness does not mean that they will develop one. Researchers believe that there are numerous factors, including environmental influences.
What is the most common mental illness in parents?
It can be difficult to determine which mental illness is most common among parents specifically. However, according to the World Health Organization, anxiety and depression tend to be the most common mental disorders in general.
What age is mental illness most common?
Many mental illnesses first emerge during the teen or young adult years. In one study, adults aged 18-25 had higher rates of mental illness than older adults.
What is a powerful message about mental health?
One compelling message about mental health may be that mental health challenges are highly common among people of all ages and backgrounds. Parents can tell their teens that it is completely normal to seek support for mental health challenges.
What are 5 symptoms that a child may have a mental health disorder?
The symptoms of various mental disorders can vary widely. However, the following are five symptoms that parents may notice in a child: low mood, irritability, changes in performance on school work, a tendency to eat more or less than usual, and loss of interest in extracurricular activities.
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