Tips On How To Deal With Rejection
Rejection can be painful and can come in many forms for teens: their parents, school of choice, not making the team or the school play, job hunting, finding a romantic partner, first date, new friends, social rejection, etc. However, one of the most difficult types of rejection teens may be the romantic rejection of someone they care for when they express their feelings for them. No one likes to feel rejected, however, learning how to deal with rejection is an important part of life. Below, we’ll discuss some ways to help work through the emotions that come with rejection.
How to cope with rejection
Even though rejection hurts, it is a common experience that many people go through at some point in life. It can be daunting to take a chance and tell someone you have feelings for them and face rejection, but that's a normal part of life. Dealing with rejection is not easy and can lead to self-doubt and impact your well-being. There are many strategies to help you to deal with rejection, you might consider why you would be disappointed or upset about their reaction as a strategy for coming to terms with their decision. This may help you work through potential worries, insecurities, and other factors, such as "Do stretch marks go away," that could make you feel worse.
During this process, you might also reassure yourself that you matter and of your positive qualities and your independence. Having a healthy sense of self-worth and a foundation for self-esteem may provide a basis for handling rejection. If you have confidence in yourself, it may be easier to bounce back from rejection.
Ways to practice mindfulness
When you experience rejection, either romantically or just in life, you may wonder where to go next. It is important to have some self-care strategies for dealing with the negative thoughts and emotions that you may have immediately after. Some different ideas to help you realize that you are in control and to assist you in moving forward include:
Use self-affirmations
Self-affirmation is the practice of making a list of positive aspects of yourself. You don't have to be the only person who comes up with positive affirmations either; you might talk among your support group for some additional traits that others appreciate about you.
Spend time with others
That same support group may help you come to terms with rejection a little faster. Whether they're taking your mind off of the events through other activities or they're talking through your rough emotions, spending time in the company of close friends, family, and trusted professionals may help.
Practice forward thinking
You might try practicing forward-thinking, which entails turning your mind to your personal future. You may be experiencing rejection now, but that’s not the only thing going on in your life. You can try to focus on other hobbies, new activities, and maybe finding someone new. You may find that you can use rejection as a step in the right direction toward where you want to be in the long run.
Practice healthy hobbies
Negative escapism sometimes involves removing yourself from reality through video games, books, or other activities to avoid the present. Instead, in order to be mindful, you might think of hobbies that put you in the present moment and promote positive thinking.
Allow yourself to feel your present emotions
It may seem counterintuitive to let yourself experience negative emotions. However, mishandling negative emotions can increase your risk of mental health conditions and is not a good response to rejection. Instead, acknowledge the negative feelings in order to pinpoint exactly where the problem is.
Interpret your negative thoughts
Pinpointing your concerns surrounding rejection may allow you to discover more about yourself and your internal self-image. Interpreting these thoughts may give you the opportunity to identify parts of yourself that may benefit from adjustments. Do you experience insecurity about the person disliking a part of you? Are you stressed about being alone? Where do your priorities lie? Which relationships are most important to you? Answering some of these questions and discussing the results among your support group may help you not only start working on those anxieties but also find someone who can help lift you in similar moments.
Accepting and establishing boundaries
Humans are social creatures and part of being a social creature means meeting new friends and striking up conversations. Regardless of whether you are friends or acquaintances with the person you’re talking to, there may be subsequent boundaries that need to be met afterward. It might be easier if you’re asking a stranger out, as you can accept the rejection and walk away. If you don’t have anything in common, you can consider it a passing interaction.
However, when it comes to someone you may run into frequently or you have mutual friends with, it can feel more difficult to disregard the rejection and further attempts to interact with this person may lead to more rejection. You might consider talking with a support group consisting of friends, family, and possibly a mental health professional. They may provide insight on how you can successfully ask someone out and help you get reasonably prepared for a possible rejection. Regardless of how much you care for a person who rejects you, you can respect their desire for space or distance in communication and move forward with self-confidence.
Boundaries may also come in the form of not talking about it. While you might not benefit from blocking out all the feelings and pain you experience from being rejected, you don't necessarily need to talk that out with the other person. Discussing your feelings with a support system may help you feel better about your underlying concerns. However, discussing this with the person who rejected could have the opposite effect. Even if they're someone you're close with and trust in other aspects of your life, taking time to work on your concerns away from that person could promote independence and strength.
Remaining respectful
In some situations, a rejection can catch you off guard. Sometimes, you may be under the impression that you and the other person are on the same page or you feel comfortable enough to talk with them. You may find that being prepared to give you both some space is important for keeping a friendship from feeling uncomfortable. While you may be going through disappointment or other challenging emotions, giving yourself some space is not wrong and might be beneficial for your mental health.
If you’re feeling upset about rejection, you might remove yourself from the situation. You can accept the rejection, walk away, and discuss any confusion or frustration with a trusted friend who can help you talk through it in a productive environment.
It may be helpful to cultivate the habit of reaching out for help early on. A mental health professional can provide an empathetic, neutral environment where you can discuss your feelings. Between the stressors of school, social life, and hormonal changes, you don’t have to navigate the challenges of this period alone, especially when you’re trying to come to terms with challenging feelings after a rejection.
With online mental health resources from networks like BetterHelp (18+) or TeenCounseling (13-19), you can talk to a licensed counselor about how to handle rejection. If you don’t feel comfortable going to a counselor’s office after experiencing a rejection, you can talk to an online counselor. Online therapy has been shown to be just as effective as in-person therapy, and with both TeenCounseling and BetterHelp, you can message your counselor via live chat or in-app messaging.
Takeaway
What to do if you get rejected?
One of the first things to do if you get rejected is to remember that rejection is normal. It is also normal to feel a strong emotional reaction after rejection; evidence suggests that the sadness, anger, and physical pain people experience after rejection serves an evolutionary function and motivates people to maintain a high relational value. That is likely why some of the best advice after rejection is to focus on yourself. If you turn your focus outwards and immediately look for other people to ask out, you might miss important self-improvement opportunities and a chance to think about what you really want in a dating partner.
How to deal with rejection and overcome it?
There are many strategies that you can use to overcome an initial rejection. One of the most important is likely to remember that the unpleasant feelings of rejection will pass in time. They are not a statement of your value or ability to attract a partner. Rejections are a normal part of the dating process, and managing them is important to preserve your self-esteem and confidence. Self-blaming is also something to watch out for. If you avoid rejection by not asking anyone out at all, it’s very difficult to get a romantic partner.
One of the best ways to manage rejection is to focus on self-improvement and coping skills. For example, many people adopt exercise routines to help them develop resiliency and boost confidence. Getting regular physical activity helps boost confidence and body image, and evidence suggests that even one workout can have positive benefits. Your body likely hasn’t changed after just one workout, but confidence still increases, and those increases tend to be sustained if you maintain your workout routine long-term. You can also work on increasing self-compassion and evaluating yourself gently.
How do you handle rejection and respond to it?
Here are some common ways to respond to rejection:
- Don’t show anger or frustration to the person who rejected you. Exit the situation and focus on taking care of yourself.
- Take time to cool off and remind yourself that rejection is normal and not a statement of your worth.
- Find support from people who care about you and want you to feel good about yourself. They will likely help you remember your value and give as much support as you need.
- Work on building your self-esteem and confidence.
- Allow yourself time to reflect and move on; don’t immediately switch your attention to another person if the person who rejected you had a significant impact.
- When you’re ready, take the risk again. Taking risks is an important part of dating, which is why managing rejection well is essential.
Why do I still have feelings for someone who rejected me?
It is normal for feelings to take a while to fade, especially if you have a crush on the person who rejected you. Crushing on somebody often involves fantasizing about a future together and becoming very hopeful that the person will respond “yes” when you ask them out. Those feelings can build up into something very substantial, meaning they will take a while to fade. While they do, consider focusing on self-improvement to boost your self-esteem. Starting an exercise routine or finding a new hobby can help you turn your attention away from feeling rejected and prepare you to ask out someone new.
Should I avoid someone who rejected me?
You don’t necessarily need to avoid someone who rejected you, but it may be helpful if the feelings of rejection are painful or overwhelming in the immediate aftermath. Rejections are often awkward for both parties, and the person who rejected you may understand if you need some time to yourself. Even though it is okay to avoid the person who rejected you, try to avoid talking badly about them or venting anger to other people. You should only avoid them if you feel it is necessary for your healing, not to make them feel bad or send a message.
How do you deal with rejection from someone you see every day?
It can be challenging to see someone every day after they reject you. Rejections are often awkward, and it may be helpful to broach the subject with them and let them know you accept they don’t have the same feelings you do. Doing so can help both people move on from the rejection and may make it easier to see each other regularly. However, even if you address the subject with them, they may not be receptive, or there may still be awkwardness. If that’s the case, it is important to remember to take care of yourself and avoid overthinking or wallowing in negative feelings.
Is it OK to ask why I was rejected?
You can certainly ask for feedback on why you were rejected, but you should be prepared for the other person not to want to answer your request. They might see your request differently, like if you had asked, “Why am I not good enough,” or something similar. It may be challenging for them to give you information without feeling as though they are insulting you. If you do ask, be sure to clarify that you have accepted their rejection and are merely looking for feedback in general. It may also be helpful to wait a while before approaching the person who rejected you to ensure both your feelings and theirs are settled.
Should I ignore my crush after rejection?
If you need to ignore your crush while recovering from their rejection, you can do so. However, it is important not to be mean-spirited or ignore them to send a message. It may make you seem as though you cannot handle the rejection, which might further lower your self-esteem and make it more likely you will be rejected in the future. If you need some time away from your crush, it may be worthwhile to let them know you are not upset, but you need time to let go of your feelings.
Why is it embarrassing to get rejected?
Becoming embarrassed after a rejection is an almost universally embarrassing experience, no matter what the source of rejection is. Despite the fact that rejections can feel awful, those feelings of psychological pain likely serve an evolutionary function. Humans are social creatures and typically need to be around others to survive. Some researchers theorize that embarrassing feelings after a rejection serve a motivational function that pushes a person to improve themselves and reduce the chance of rejection in the future, making it more likely they can find close relationships.
How long do feelings last after rejection?
The amount of time feelings last after a perceived rejection is likely different for everybody. Those who are used to rejection and accept it as a necessary part of finding romantic relationships will likely get over their feelings quicker than people with high rejection sensitivity. Working on self-improvement can likely help the feelings resolve quicker, as can surrounding yourself with supportive people. It is also likely that ruminating or wallowing in the rejection can make the feelings last longer or harder to overcome.
How to handle romantic rejection?
The best way to handle rejection from someone you love is to prioritize self-care, build a support system, let go of self-blame, and always think on the brighter side of life. Think that that person may not be for you. There is someone who is destined for you out there. You just need to find him/her.
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