How To Know If Your Therapist Is The Right Fit For You

In 2020, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimated that 10.1% of adults had received therapy or counseling from a mental health professional in the previous 12 months. With such a significant portion of the population engaging in therapy, understanding how to know if your therapist is the right fit for you can be important. While each person’s situation is unique, several factors may influence whether a therapist and an individual are a good match, including your comfort level, your therapist’s credentials, and more. To connect with a therapist who meets your needs, consider asking your primary care provider for a referral or trying an online therapy platform. 

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Five questions to help you determine whether your therapist is the right fit 

Determining whether a new therapist works for you may take time. However, if you have been seeing a therapist regularly and sense that something could be off, it may be necessary to assess the situation by asking yourself several important questions. The answers to these questions may help you define whether your therapy experience is occurring in the right environment, violating your boundaries, or exceeding what is appropriate in a therapeutic context. 

Question #1: Do you experience a sense of safety during therapy? 

In general, your therapist should create a safe therapeutic environment where you can discuss the challenges in your life without fear of judgment, insult, or anger. While a therapist may note the way that certain behaviors can negatively impact your life, they should do so respectfully. If you believe your therapist is providing harsh criticism or talking down to you, that could signal that they are not the right mental health professional for you. 

Therapists may also make comments that, while not necessarily directed at you, could be considered culturally insensitive or inappropriate in a therapeutic setting. These comments may concern ethnicity, sexuality, nationality, religion, or a variety of other topics. If a therapist is sharing their personal opinions about specific groups or lifestyles or displaying clear prejudices against others, they are likely not fit to be a mental health professional. 

Question #2: Does your therapist have the necessary education and credentials? 

The credentials a therapist needs may vary depending on the type of therapy they practice and the state in which they practice. For example, to become a licensed professional counselor, the American Counseling Association (ACA) states that you must meet the standards established by that counselor’s state. These often include the following: 

• Pass the required examinations.
• Complete the required number of clinical supervised hours, which may involve providing both indirect and direct services to patients under the guidance of a licensed professional.
• Complete a bachelor’s and master’s degree, often in counseling or a related field. In many cases, a counselor will also need to complete an internship and coursework of either 48 or 60 credits.

Depending on the type of mental health challenge or condition you are experiencing, a therapist’s specialty may also be important. While not necessary for everyone, having a specialized counselor may increase the focus of therapeutic sessions and help you acquire the tools that will be most effective for your challenges. 

Question #3: Does your therapist respect your boundaries? 

While a certain amount of delicate information may be shared, there may be certain details that you are not comfortable sharing with your therapist. However, if a therapist is asking you questions that are irrelevant to therapy, such as where you live or the address of your work or school, that may signal they are crossing a boundary. 

Other situations may not be as black and white, such as those that concern sexual topics. While the topic of sex may arise if it is related to the reason you are attending therapy, it may also be a sign that boundaries are being crossed. For example, if a therapist asks questions about your sex life in a way that's disconnected from your concerns, or if they comment on your appearance in a sexual manner, that is likely a violation of your boundaries and inappropriate behavior. 

It may also be helpful to watch for the times that a therapist contacts you outside of sessions. While an occasional text, typically to confirm an appointment or to follow up on something discussed during therapy, may be appropriate, frequent communication between sessions may be inappropriate. If you are uncomfortable with the way your therapist is communicating with you or concerned about the content of their messages, that may also signal it is time to look elsewhere for professional help.

Question #4: Do you have a relationship with your therapist outside of therapy? 

The American Psychological Association (APA) defines multiple relationships or dual relationships as occurring when “a psychologist is in a professional role with an individual, and that, in addition to this professional role, one of three other conditions is met.” These conditions include the following:

1. Being in a different type of relationship with that person outside of therapy
2. Having a different type of relationship with a member of that person's family or another close associate
3. Promising to enter another relationship with that person, their family, or a close associate in the future 

There can be various types of multiple relationships, including those that involve friendship, romance, business, religious organizations, or any other situation where a person may significantly interact with an individual outside of therapy. 

Engaging in multiple relationships is considered unethical by the APA, as it may endanger the client and compromise the efficacy of the therapeutic process. If a therapist asks you on a date, wants to do friendly activities outside of therapy, or suggests starting a business together, this may indicate they intend to engage in multiple relationships and therefore aren’t likely to be a good fit. 

Question #5: Does your therapist keep your information classified? 

According to the APA, another aspect of psychology’s code of ethics concerns secrecy. This means that the information you share with a therapist (in most cases) must be kept safe and not shared with others. This covertness is normally backed up by certain laws in the United States. However, there can be several exceptions, such as the following: 

• Situations where child abuse, domestic violence, or harm to the elderly or people with disabilities are occurring; however, the APA notes that adults acknowledging child abuse they personally experienced in the past typically would not be subject to this exception
• If clients discuss their intention to seriously harm themselves or others
• Court orders that force a therapist to release information without the consent of a patient; for example, if an individual’s mental health is being questioned during a legal proceeding

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

Outside of these situations, a therapist will typically ask whether you are comfortable sharing your information with an outside source, such as a family member, another health professional, or any entity that may request these details. If a therapist shares your information outside of these exceptions and without your consent, that can signal they are not the right mental health professional for you. 

How to find a new therapist

The best way to find a new therapist can vary depending on the reasons you are attending therapy and your own personal preferences. For example, you may want to establish the exact reason you are leaving your current therapist before searching for a new one. Determining the reason for a switch may make it easier to know what you’re seeking. 

In general, you’ll also want to determine how you intend to access therapy and how you will cover any associated costs. If you want to attend in-person therapy, you will likely need to find reliable transportation and the time to travel to these face-to-face sessions. 

Insurance can also be a barrier, as lacking insurance may increase the cost or difficulty of finding an in-person therapist. Other preferences can also be important to consider, such as the way you want to conduct therapy. 

While some individuals may be comfortable discussing their mental health face-to-face with a therapist, others may prefer to meet via phone calls, video chats, or by sending text messages. In these situations, it may be ideal to use alternative options, such as online therapy. 

Research suggests that online therapy can be as effective as in-person therapy for the treatment of certain mental health conditions. A 2022 systematic review and meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials assessed studies comparing face-to-face psychotherapy with psychotherapy delivered through telehealth formats. In this review, researchers found that there seemed to be no significant differences in multiple outcomes for those who participated in therapy online compared to those who participated in-person. These outcomes, which included overall improvement, symptom severity, and client satisfaction, were measured immediately after therapy, as well as at three months, six months, and 12 months after therapy concluded.