"Your Friend Is Not Your Therapist": Seeking Professional Help

Medically reviewed by Arianna Williams, LPC, CCTP and Julie Dodson, MA, LCSW
Updated October 8, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Many people turn to friends and family when experiencing stress or looking for advice. However, when a family is experiencing conflict or distress, a friend may not know how to offer support. It can be important for your friendship to remember that your friend is not your therapist, and while they can offer support, they are generally not qualified to professionally assist you with your mental health. In these cases, visiting with a licensed professional counselor can allow families to receive personalized advice based on scientific research and current psychological theories. Although a friend can provide emotional support, they may not be able to offer the depth of support that a therapist can. 

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Family friend or family therapist - when can they help most?

Family counseling: An introduction

Family therapy is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on the family unit and how that unit relate to one another and communicate. Often, sessions are carried out in a group or one-on-one and can involve discussions on family dynamics, communication, conflict, and stress. 

A family therapist is a licensed counselor or psychologist that works with family using a form of family therapy to encourage positive results and goal setting. Although it can be comforting to have support from a friend, your friend may not be able to offer the same dedicated support. Family therapists have been trained in various techniques specific to families, children, and attachment dynamics. 

What can a family therapist help us with?

Family therapists are trained to understand the complexities that families can experience and help them mediate conflicts. These professionals often address marital issues, communication, and childhood mental illness. A friend might understand and empathize with these issues, but a therapist can help you resolve them. 

Types of counseling

Many family therapists have specific licensing, such as the licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) title. These providers often specialize in marital issues and family concerns simultaneously. A few common types of family therapy practiced by these providers can include: 

  • Structural family therapy
  • Systemic family therapy
  • Bowenian family therapy
  • Narrative family therapy
  • Cognitive-behavioral family therapy (CBT) 
  • Dialectical behavior therapy in a family group setting (DBT) 

What are the goals of family therapy?

Goals for family therapy can vary per the individuals attending sessions. Many families seek support to strengthen the bonds between each other, overcome conflict, and improve communication. People might also attend therapy for the following reasons: 

  • The mental health diagnosis of a child 
  • Bullying at a child's school 
  • Adverse experiences that happened to the unit as a whole 
  • Divorce or separation 
  • Uncertainty about a significant life decision
  • Adoption or fostering 
  • Infertility 
  • Infidelity
  • Communication challenges 
  • Frequent arguing or disagreements 
  • Substance use challenges 
With a therapist's support, families can open dialogues about challenging subjects. Therapy can be a safe place for a family to voice their concerns and feel heard. The therapist can work as a neutral third person to help de-escalate conflict and reduce bias. Although a friend can be supportive, friends are often biased and may have opinions about the challenges in a family. They might blame one individual or make judgmental statements. However, therapists are trained not to do so and remain impartial and professional throughout the discussion. 

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

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Benefits of family counseling

Family therapists remain unbiased and mediate conflict between everyone present during a session. Instead of a regular family discussion, the therapist can interject and offer insight during conversations while teaching families unique coping skills.  

In addition, challenges can be addressed over several sessions instead of all at once. Leaving the conflicts at the door can help families remember they have a dedicated time and place to discuss challenges. You can make a pact to make changes and learn as a team. 

Unlike talking to a friend, family therapy offers mediation and professional guidance. Although friends can tell you if they think a situation isn't serving you, they may not mediate in the way that a therapist can. 

What should we expect in therapy? 

Your family therapist can create an unbiased environment where everyone is equal. The techniques learned are to benefit everyone and to target the goals you set up in your first few sessions. 

Often, families will be taught how to make compromises and work together to make the relationship function for their unique dynamic. If your family isn't functioning well, family therapists can help you understand why. Every person in the family is the client, and each client can benefit from sessions. 

If you want to know more about your therapist's methods, reach out to them and ask questions. 

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Family friend or family therapist - when can they help most?

Counseling options 

No matter your goals for counseling, there are various options available. Family therapists can be found using an online search, through a therapist network, or by asking your doctor for a referral. Many family therapists accept insurance. However, others may not, so check with your provider before attending sessions. 

You might benefit from online counseling if you do not have insurance coverage and are looking for couples or individual therapy. Through a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples, you can receive personalized advice from a therapist that matches your needs. 

In addition, research has found that internet-based therapy has been as effective or more than in-person therapy for supporting clients experiencing chronic stress or mental illness due to family dynamics. 

Takeaway

There are many topics you can discuss with a friend. However, a licensed professional may best address family conflicts and challenges. Therapists can provide mediation, research-backed coping techniques, and education, which are skills a friend is not necessarily trained in. Even if your friend is a therapist, you cannot ethically be their client. If you're interested in learning more about how family therapy works, consider reaching out to a therapist for guidance.
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