Why Do I Hate My Therapist? Emotional Responses To Therapy

Attending therapy with a provider you don’t like or have developed negative feelings toward can be challenging. In many cases, it may be possible to switch therapists and find a more appropriate fit. However, if you’re in a situation where you’re mandated to attend therapy or your therapist has disrespected you in some way, it may feel like you cannot move past your feelings about this individual. 

There are a few reasons you might feel hatred for your therapist. Moreover, there may be many methods to help you move forward with treatment. Thanks to a 22% growth in psychological careers in 2023, there are thousands of therapists entering the field and many providers to choose from. If you find that you don’t match with one therapist, it may be beneficial to try another. This article addresses the reasons you might feel negatively toward your therapist and what you can do to ensure you still get the support you need. 

“Why do I hate my therapist?” Potential sources of tension

Hating your therapist may be uncomfortable, and each person can have different reasons for feeling this way. Below are a few potential reasons you may experience hatred toward a provider as well as ways to cope with these emotions.

Feeling disrespected

Feeling disrespected by someone you’ve trusted to support your mental health can be painful and confusing. If your therapist demonstrates any of the following behaviors, they may be acting disrespectfully: 

• Ignoring you when you speak
• Interrupting you mid-thought 
• Judging your experiences 
• Telling you that you didn’t experience what you know you did 
• Talking to your family members, boss, or friends without consent 
• Not accommodating a disability (e.g., the need for a service dog in a public building) 
• Ignoring your boundaries about topics you don’t feel comfortable discussing 
• Pushing you to act in ways you’re uncomfortable with 
• Arguing with you about subjects instead of remaining impartial 
• Taking sides with others in your life

If you are being disrespected by a professional, feeling frustrated, irritated, or upset with them is a valid response. Addressing your discomfort with their behavior may be a good first step in these cases. If your provider continues to treat you poorly, you might consider finding a new therapist. 

Disrespect toward a client is often frowned upon in other industries, and in a “helping profession” like counseling, it can be especially harmful to a client’s mental health. For this reason, it can be important to address any disrespect immediately. Doing so can protect your boundaries, mental health, and personal goals for therapy. 

A poor match

In some cases, a therapist might not be a proper match. Therapists have unique personalities, goals, and areas of expertise, and each one is different. If you’ve met with a therapist who lacks experience in your area of concern or someone with a personality that clashes with your own, you might have difficulty communicating with them about your needs. 

For example, a client who prefers direct communication and interactive sessions might not fit with a therapist who takes a “sit back and listen” approach. Moreover, you might feel anger toward your therapist if they offer suggestions or treatments that don’t match your preferences. 

If this is the case, you could benefit from setting a boundary with your therapist about the type of care you’re seeking. Let them know you’re uncomfortable and need a different approach.

Symptoms of a mental health condition 

For some clients, symptoms of a mental health condition can contribute to negative feelings about their therapist. Suppose you’re experiencing mood-related symptoms because of a condition like a depressive disorder, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or a personality disorder, for instance. In this case, you might associate your feelings of sadness, irritation, or distress with your therapist as you discuss complex subjects. 

Some clients may find that they don’t really hate their therapist. Instead, they may have distressing emotions that arise when they talk about difficult subjects such as past traumas before they are ready. If a therapist brings up a topic a client feels sensitive about, the client may lash out in anger. If you feel hatred or anger toward your therapist, ask yourself whether you might be angry at the situation or the topic at hand and not at your therapist directly.

Projection 

At times, a client may project their experiences with other people in their life onto their therapist. For example, if their therapist reminds them of an unkind parent or a teacher who harmed them as a child, they might believe their therapist will treat them similarly. This type of projection is referred to as “transference” and can occur in therapist-client relationships. 

If you’re experiencing transference with your therapist, ask yourself what it is about the provider that reminds you of others in your life. You can also let your therapist know what you’re experiencing so they can provide strategies to help you cope with these feelings. In some cases, your therapist might suggest another provider more suited to your needs. 

An ineffective therapeutic modality

There are over 400 therapeutic modalities that can be practiced. You might find that one modality is less effective than another for your needs. For example, if your therapist uses cognitive-behavioral therapy for your PTSD, but you find EMDR more effective, you might not benefit as much from your sessions. 

If you’re experiencing this problem, ask your therapist if they can change strategies. Some therapists aren’t trained in multiple modalities, so you may decide to change therapists to find someone who specializes in the type of therapy you’d like to try. 

Unethical behavior 

Although rare, therapists may sometimes overstep boundaries and act unethically. When therapists work with a board, they agree to the ethical standards and requirements outlined by the American Psychological Association (APA) or American Counseling Association (ACA). These requirements often align with the requirements of state boards within the US.

Ethical violations in therapy sessions may include the following: 

• Inappropriate touching 
• Initiating a romantic or sexual relationship with a client 
• Taking on a client that they previously dated or had a sexual relationship with within ten years 
• Taking on a client that is related to them or someone they know
• Violating a client’s right to discretion 
• Countertransference, where the therapist associates the client with someone they know 
• Heavy self-revelation (i.e., talking about themselves often) 
• Asking the client to keep a secret about a crime 
• Trying to become friends with the client outside of sessions
• Unethical billing or stealing money
• Termination of services without communication when a client requires further support 
• Discussing a client’s information with their family members or friends without consent 
• Reaching out to a client’s doctor, hospital, or prior therapists without consent 
• Not reporting child abuse, domestic violence, or thoughts of suicide 

If you feel hatred toward your therapist due to unethical, non-consensual, or abusive behavior from them, you’re not alone. In these cases, it can be important to end therapy and reach out for support. You may also consider reporting any ethical violations to the state licensing board.

Finding the right therapist for you

If you’ve experienced a conflict with a therapist and feel uncertain about returning to therapy, you might benefit from alternative counseling methods such as online therapy. 

How online therapy can help you avoid asking, “Why do I hate my therapist?”

If you’re looking for a new provider, platforms like BetterHelp can offer cost-effective, accessible, and convenient counseling services. You can often get started within 48 hours of signing up, and you can match with a therapist that meets your preference for specialty, therapeutic goals, and identity-related needs. If you don’t connect with your therapist, you can switch providers until you find someone who is the right fit for you.

The efficacy of online therapy

Studies have found that many clients feel more comfortable with online therapy compared to in-person options, and four out of every ten Americans have used telehealth counseling for their mental health needs since 2021. With telehealth’s popularity, it can be a compelling choice for those who prefer distance from a therapist.