Improving Intimacy: Five Things You Should Know About Couples Sex Therapy

Sex therapy is a type of relationship therapy that focuses specifically on sexual relationships, including things like sexual function, sexual health, and sexual behaviors. In many situations, couples sex therapy may benefit a couple’s sex life, regardless of the state of one’s mental health. However, stigma and discomfort may arise for many individuals when seeking this treatment despite the potential upsides. 

In society and media, sex is portrayed as an act that “should” come naturally. For couples that struggle with sexual dysfunction, the ability to control sexual behavior, a mismatch of sexual desire, and other sexual challenges, these portrayals can make them feel shameful about their current position. Couples experiencing sexual challenges may feel apprehensive about opening up to someone they do not know to tell intimate details about their sex lives. 

However, each couple reserves the right to determine whether or not going to couples sex counseling is the best choice for them. Couples may find ways to improve their sex lives on their own. However, a vast amount of research shows that sex therapy can have valuable and favorable results for couples from any background. Learning more about this type of therapy can help you and your partner decide if it’s right for you. 

What is couples sex therapy?

Often, the purpose of sex therapy for couples is to aid couples in overcoming challenges delaying them from enjoying a healthy, pleasurable sex life. There are a series of concerns that may manifest in the form of sexual dysfunctions, pain, anxiety, or other sexual challenges. Some couples may feel that the well-being of their relationship is in jeopardy due to these concerns, so a certified sex therapist can accompany these individuals as they explore these areas and devise a plan.

Benefits of couples sex therapy

There are several potential benefits of sex therapy for couples. For example, it offers a professional opportunity for couples to speak to and hear one another. Having moments for conversation during daily life can be challenging. A sex therapist can mediate as couples discuss conflicts and provide coping mechanisms and suggestions as they talk. The therapist can also provide worksheets, activity ideas, homework, and sexual education.  

Potential barriers when discussing intimacy in couples therapy

While sex therapy can have various benefits, it may not be beneficial if one or both partners aren’t willing to listen, make changes, or open up in therapy. Feeling open-minded may help you learn more from the process, even if you decide not to take the advice you are given. Consent is key in talk therapy related to sex. A healthy sex life could arrive from communication, healthy conversations, and an understanding of boundaries and physical needs on both sides. A sex therapist can help you address these topics.

Five things to know about sex therapy for couples

An overview of sex therapy for couples and its purpose can be a first step. However, a thorough understanding of the following specific details may help partners decide whether sex therapy is suitable for them. 

A sex therapist can address a multitude of concerns in the bedroom

Couples can face various sexual hurdles in their sex lives, from unwanted sexual fetishes to unrequited desires. However, these challenges are common in sex therapy and can be addressed with a provider.

A clinical social worker or a couples or family therapist who is an expert in sex education topics can address a series of sexual problems in a neutral, therapeutic environment. As they work with many clients, they may have already treated an issue similar to yours

The time for treatment can vary

Many couples may be curious about the time that sex therapy takes. However, the number of sessions required to reach a resolution varies from couple to couple. It may also depend on the symptoms or concerns that the couple is bringing to therapy, and whether they also require treatment from a medical doctor (erectile dysfunction). For example, couples addressing deep-seated past sexual issues may spend more time in therapy than those looking for tips to spice up their sex life. 

For many sex therapists, the treatment is the priority, not the number of sessions. No two couples will necessarily have the same goals. Having many sessions or just a few can indicate the treatment plan for each individual and not a poor reflection on the couple. 

However, if you find that sex therapy is not benefiting you after several sessions, consider having a conversation with your therapist or choosing a new provider. You may struggle to discuss sensitive topics like sex problems if you feel uncomfortable in sessions.

A couples therapist is a neutral person

During therapy involving multiple clients, one partner may feel the therapist is taking the side of the other. This perception can hinder the therapy process, particularly when issues as delicate as sex and intimacy are involved. Although it can feel one-sided, sex therapists are trained to remain neutral and support both individuals. 

Due to their chosen profession, therapists are responsible for providing ethical, safe, and compassionate treatment. If one person feels they are left out of the conversation, it may be difficult for therapeutic conversations to be had. The sex therapist can help the couple come to resolutions, provide mediation, and offer support. However, they are not part of the relationship dynamic and can remain on the outside. If you continue to feel your therapist is taking sides, consider bringing it up in sessions and asking for clarification. They may be able to help you understand where these thoughts come from. 

All parties will keep their clothes on

Sex therapy does not involve nudity or sexual contact. The treatment process of sex therapy for couples sessions is about asking questions, answering questions, talking, and understanding a couple’s sexual challenges. Therapists cannot legally or ethically partake in sexual activity with clients, including sexually suggestive conversations, flirting, or suggestive activities. If you feel your therapist is making sexual or romantic advances, find a new therapist and report them to your state licensing board.

You can use sex therapy as a preventative strategy 

If couples notice an intimacy-related issue that they feel is holding them back in the bedroom, going to sex therapy sooner rather than later can make a difference. However, it may not be too late to go to therapy at any point. Couples can go to sex therapy whether in a new relationship, engaged, just married, or together for decades. 

The longer an issue persists, the easier it may be to ignore or adapt to it. The concern might become a habit or a more profound issue over time. Many couples could struggle with sexual intimacy and physical contact for years and feel they are no longer sexually attracted to each other. However, talking to a sex therapist could show them new avenues for regaining their initial sexual spark. 

Aspects of intimacy and sexuality addressed by sex therapy

When you meet with a sex therapist, you’re in a safe and welcoming environment where you can discuss any aspect of intimacy and sexuality. 

When couples are facing a sexual problem, they might feel embarrassed to talk about it. However, certified sex therapists abide by a strict ethical code and are trained to keep bias, judgment, and unkindness out of sessions. In addition, they treat many clients with similar concerns, and they may have techniques for helping couples open up and feel comfortable after a few sessions. 

If you’re unsure about whether your therapist will address your concerns, asking questions before you start treatment can clarify this factor further. Below, we’ll address a few common sexual concerns that individuals might seek sex therapy for. 

Lack of sexual desire, sex addiction, and porn addiction

A couples therapist can address topics and concerns related to a lack of sexual desire from one or both partners. Sex therapists can also help couples talk about and resolve issues surrounding porn addiction and sex addiction. 

Sexual trauma, infidelity, and lies 

Sex therapists are skilled at navigating sensitive topics like sexual trauma and infidelity. They can help each partner explain any sexual trauma they’ve experienced and how it impacts them. Couples can also discuss infidelity and lies, holding space for each partner to explain their side of the issue so they can decide how to move forward. 

Some couples go to a sex therapist as a preventative method to protect their relationship from issues involving dishonesty and infidelity. 

Sexual dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and erectile dysfunction

Couples sex therapy is a good place to address challenges in the bedroom related to performance, such as premature ejaculation, performance anxiety, and erectile dysfunction. They can also help couples understand and overcome things like having difficulties achieving orgasm or experiencing vaginal pain (vaginismus) during sex. 

Fetishes and fantasies

Sex therapists can help couples understand and resolve mismatched fetishes or fantasies. They can also create a safe place for partners to divulge sexual fetishes and fantasies that they haven’t talked about in their relationship. 

Sexuality and gender identity 

Couples sex therapy can be a good place for partners to explore their sexualities and gender identities together. The therapist can help explain things that might alarm one partner and provide recommendations that might help couples explore sexuality and gender identity as a unit. 

Questions to ask when you meet with a therapist 

It’s okay if you feel uncomfortable or don’t know what to say when you first meet for an intake with your therapist. Consider asking the following questions to get to know them better: 

• Do you think our concern is treatable?
• Have you had clients with these concerns in the past? 
• How long have you been working as a sex therapist?
• How will future sessions look? 
• What can we do if we feel uncomfortable during a conversation? 
• What therapy modalities do you use? 
• What therapy techniques do you use?

Couples therapy counseling options 

If you’re interested in trying sex therapy, various avenues are available. Many couples reach out to a sex therapist in their area via email or phone, whereas others might ask for a referral from a doctor. 

Marriage and family therapists may also be able to offer support. If you have a partner who is unwilling to participate, you may also choose individual sex therapy. However, for many, insurance does not cover sex therapy sessions. In these cases, couples can take advantage of internet sex therapy. 

Should you choose an online sex therapist?

Studies show that online sex counseling can help couples experiencing problems connecting sexually. In one sex research study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, researchers evaluated the efficacy of online therapy when helping women with sexual arousal challenges. They noted that online sex therapy outside of a therapist’s office could be a more discreet and cost-efficient option than traditional, in-person counseling. 

After treatment, the participants reported increased feelings of sexual arousal, satisfaction, and desire. They also reported feeling more knowledgeable, validated, and hopeful because of online sex therapy. Because participants were able to get sex resources remotely, online therapy allowed them a discreet environment where they were able to review the materials thoroughly. 

Online counseling through a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples can be discreet and effective. Attending therapy from the comfort of your home, you may not see others you know or face waiting room times. In addition, you can attend couples therapy using nicknames if you don’t want to divulge your complete contact information. If you prefer not to meet your therapist face-to-face over a video call, you can choose between phone calls or a live chat session.

Takeaway 

Human sexuality can be a complicated issue. Intimacy issues, sexual dysfunction, emotional health care challenges, and other sexual problems can be difficult to address due to the stigma of sexual intimacy. However, a certified sex therapist can reduce this stigma by offering compassionate, practical support to couples. 

No matter who you are, where you come from, or your situation, it can be brave to ask for support, and there can be many lessons to be learned from therapy. Couples may benefit from opening up emotionally and deepening their sexual connection. Consider contacting a sex therapist to learn more about how you can improve your intimacy, love, and experience with your sexual partner.