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Couples therapy can be a helpful therapeutic intervention for many relationship problems, including infidelity. Whether a couple has recently experienced infidelity or the affair happened years ago, it is common for one or both partners to struggle to move past the event. A mental health professional can assist both partners in rebuilding trust in one another and reestablishing emotional safety in the relationship during infidelity recovery.
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Need help working through the effects of an affair?
If you and your partner are interested in working with a therapist toward affair recovery, you may be wondering what is to come. Therapy is commonly depicted in popular culture as a situation filled with tension, yelling, or tears. The truth is that, for many people, couples therapy provides a space to speak openly, communicate more effectively, and address problems to move forward. After infidelity, there will likely be cracks in the relationship, including concerns relating to trust and sexual intimacy. While infidelity isn’t the fault of the betrayed partner, both partners will likely need to acknowledge and take responsibility for any mistakes they may have made in the relationship.
When attending therapy for cheating, your therapist will likely want to meet for sessions regularly. Weekly sessions are common and may be more effective than infrequent sessions, especially if the affair has happened recently. Whether you are the partner who cheated or the betrayed partner, your therapist will want to hear your perspective and facilitate open conversations with your partner. Your therapist may ask about sensitive topics, including sexual intimacy, mental health struggles, sex addiction, and the role of substances in infidelity. While these can be difficult to talk about, learning to open up about your relationship and the details of the infidelity can help both partners heal and move forward.
Discussing problems
Couples counseling is a safe space where you and your partner can talk about any challenges you’ve been experiencing in your relationship or marriage as you work toward healing. You may want to discuss concerns that you’ve had since the beginning of your relationship, or you may focus on problems that have cropped up only after the infidelity occurred. In either case, you will have the opportunity to speak openly about your concerns. Examples of relationship problems that may arise in couples therapy include:
Disconnection
Jealousy
Challenges relating to intimacy
Division of household labor
Feeling disrespected or unappreciated
Challenges relating to trust
Getting mutual needs met healthfully and respectfully
You will also likely discuss your thoughts on why the affair happened. Your therapist can help you understand why you or your partner cheated, whether it was due in part to psychological trauma, relationship challenges, self-esteem problems, or other factors.
Identifying patterns
One of the most valuable parts of couples therapy is that the therapist can reveal problems that you and your partner may be unable to see in your relationship. A therapist can shine a light on unhealthy patterns that may have become normalized. For example, one partner may be in the habit of compartmentalizing their feelings and not discussing their emotions with their partner as a couple. This pattern can cause a disconnection between partners and prevent them from connecting deeply and growing their relationship.
Additionally, identifying patterns can help partners understand how the affair came to happen. For example, a therapist may point out a pattern of binge drinking for the partner who had the affair. This pattern may have contributed to that partner’s decision to be unfaithful. In another instance, perhaps one partner neglects their partner, rejecting their bids for attention and connection. In turn, this may have led to the neglected partner having an affair in order to feel wanted. These are not meant to be excuses for the affair; rather, these realizations can help partners understand, connect, and have empathy for one another, possibly allowing them to heal and move forward.
Rebuilding trust after
If both partners decide they want to continue their relationship, their therapist will likely highlight the importance of rebuilding trust. Trust can be strengthened when both partners can speak truthfully and openly in their sessions, as this can release negative feelings and resentment. It can be important for the partner who cheated to be transparent about their infidelity so their partner can begin to trust them again.
Likewise, it can be crucial that they show remorse for what they’ve done and a genuine desire to work on the relationship. Once both parties have accepted the situation, the therapist can help partners continue to be honest, present, and connected with one another, offering various tools for strengthening their relationship.
Can marriages survive infidelity?
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For many marriages, infidelity does not mean partners must separate or divorce. However, both partners need to be willing to work on the relationship and get through any problems caused by the affair in order to help the relationship last and survive infidelity. Research indicates that approximately 4 in 10 relationships will experience infidelity, and of those couples, half will stay together.
There may be some situations in which a relationship does end after infidelity. This may happen when one or both partners are unwilling to put the effort in to repair the relationship. The relationship may also end if the cheating partner cannot or will not put a stop to their infidelity.
How couples move forward
Relationship problems that arose due to an affair can continue to come up for a couple even years after the affair occurred. While therapy can help, it can be important to remember that healing takes time, and both partners may benefit from patience during the recovery process.
Starting marriage counseling or couples therapy, prioritizing date night or quality time together, and maintaining honest communication can all be effective ways to move forward in your relationship after an affair. Some couples may also benefit from scheduling weekly check-in discussions in which each partner can bring up any concerns they may be having or highlight areas about which they feel positive in the relationship.
Moving past infidelity with online therapy
Couples therapy can provide an opportunity for people to invest in their relationship by learning more about their partner, improving communication, and addressing negative relationship patterns.
Research indicates that half of all married couples utilize couples therapy at some point in their relationships, and 70% of people who attend couples therapy report that it had a positive impact.
By using an online therapy platform like ReGain, couples can get the attention and care they need from anywhere they have an internet connection. Because of its convenient format, online counseling services may allow couples with busy schedules, demanding careers, or childcare responsibilities to find support.
People who have experienced infidelity may benefit from individual counseling in addition to couples therapy or marriage counseling. Additional therapy may be helpful for people who cheat due to the underlying trauma or negative self-beliefs that may have influenced their desire to be unfaithful. On the other hand, the person who was betrayed may need the assistance of a mental health professional to work emotions such as anger, jealousy, or insecurity following the event, especially if they experience what has been nicknamed ‘post-infidelity stress disorder.’ With an online therapy platform such as BetterHelp, couples can receive the individual support they need to heal on their own. Online treatment can contribute to their quality of life and may even make couples therapy sessions more productive, should they choose to participate in both.
The efficacy of online therapy for infidelity
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Need help working through the effects of an affair?
Online couples therapy has been shown to be as effective as in-person therapy and could be useful for those facing a range of problems in their relationships. In one study, researchers found that an online couples therapy intervention delivered via videoconferencing created a positive shift in expectations among partners. Additionally, the majority of couples reported having a positive experience and found many benefits from participating in the program. Many of the couples said they connected well with their therapist and believed that the element of videoconferencing “allowed them to feel a greater sense of control and comfort” during their sessions.
Takeaway
Infidelity can be a difficult problem to face in a relationship, but it can be worked through with the right support, tools, and willingness to save the relationship. By starting marriage counseling or relationship therapy, you and your partner can learn to identify problems that may have contributed to the affair, rebuild trust and intimacy with one another, understand each other more deeply, and ultimately create a healthier, safer relationship. Consider your needs as you determine the appropriate format for counseling; couples therapy and individual therapy are both options as you work toward affair recovery Both individual and couples therapy can be helpful when attempting to repair a relationship, and online therapy may provide an easier, more convenient way to get the help you and your partner need.
The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.
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