What To Expect In Couples Therapy After Infidelity: Marriage And Individual Therapy
- For those experiencing suicidal thoughts, please contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988
- For those experiencing abuse, please contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
- For those experiencing substance use, please contact SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
How does couples therapy for infidelity work?
What to expect in couples therapy after infidelity?
When attending therapy for cheating, your therapist will likely want to meet for sessions regularly. Weekly sessions are common and may be more effective than infrequent sessions, especially if the affair has happened recently. Whether you are the partner who cheated or the betrayed partner, your therapist will want to hear your perspective and facilitate open conversations with your partner. Your therapist may ask about sensitive topics, including sexual intimacy, mental health struggles, sex addiction, and the role of substances in infidelity. While these can be difficult to talk about, learning to open up about your relationship and the details of the infidelity can help both partners heal and move forward.
Discussing problems
Examples of relationship problems that may arise in couples therapy include:
- Disconnection
- Jealousy
- Challenges relating to intimacy
- Division of household labor
- Feeling disrespected or unappreciated
- Challenges relating to trust
- Getting mutual needs met healthfully and respectfully
You will also likely discuss your thoughts on why the affair happened. Your therapist can help you understand why you or your partner cheated, whether it was due in part to psychological trauma, relationship challenges, self-esteem problems, or other factors.
Identifying patterns
One of the most valuable parts of couples therapy is that the therapist can reveal problems that you and your partner may be unable to see in your relationship. A therapist can shine a light on unhealthy patterns that may have become normalized. For example, one partner may be in the habit of compartmentalizing their feelings and not discussing their emotions with their partner as a couple. This pattern can cause a disconnection between partners and prevent them from connecting deeply and growing their relationship.
Additionally, identifying patterns can help partners understand how the affair came to happen. For example, a therapist may point out a pattern of binge drinking for the partner who had the affair. This pattern may have contributed to that partner’s decision to be unfaithful. In another instance, perhaps one partner neglects their partner, rejecting their bids for attention and connection. In turn, this may have led to the neglected partner having an affair in order to feel wanted. These are not meant to be excuses for the affair; rather, these realizations can help partners understand, connect, and have empathy for one another, possibly allowing them to heal and move forward.
Rebuilding trust after
If both partners decide they want to continue their relationship, their therapist will likely highlight the importance of rebuilding trust. Trust can be strengthened when both partners can speak truthfully and openly in their sessions, as this can release negative feelings and resentment. It can be important for the partner who cheated to be transparent about their infidelity so their partner can begin to trust them again.
Likewise, it can be crucial that they show remorse for what they’ve done and a genuine desire to work on the relationship. Once both parties have accepted the situation, the therapist can help partners continue to be honest, present, and connected with one another, offering various tools for strengthening their relationship.
Can marriages survive infidelity?
When relationship ends after infidelity
How marriage counseling helps couples move forward after infidelity
Relationship problems that arise due to an affair can continue to come up for a couple even years after the affair occurred. While therapy can help, it can be important to remember that healing takes time, and both partners may benefit from patience during the recovery process.
Moving forward with marriage counseling
Moving past infidelity with online therapy
Couples therapy can provide an opportunity for people to invest in their relationship by learning more about their partner, improving communication, and addressing negative relationship patterns.
What to Expect in Couples Therapy After Infidelity?
How individual therapy support can healing after infidelity
People who have experienced infidelity may benefit from individual counseling in addition to couples therapy or marriage counseling. Additional therapy may be helpful for people who cheat due to the underlying trauma or negative self-beliefs that may have influenced their desire to be unfaithful. On the other hand, the person who was betrayed may need the assistance of a mental health professional to work on emotions such as anger, jealousy, or insecurity following the event, especially if they experience what has been nicknamed ‘post-infidelity stress disorder.’
Healing and Growth with Individual Therapy
The efficacy of online therapy for infidelity
Takeaway
Is couples therapy worth it after infidelity?
Couples therapy after infidelity may be effective, but its success may depend on the willingness of both partners. Both parties may need to take responsibility for their roles and express openness with the therapist during their course of treatment. The therapist may help couples identify the root cause of the infidelity, rebuild trust, develop communication skills, address underlying issues, help them understand each other’s emotional needs, and rebuild intimacy for a healthy relationship. Often, betrayal and cheating are painful and may impact the individuals’ mental health, leading to issues such as stress, anger issues, trust issues, PTSD, depression, and anxiety. These issues may then lead to difficulty resolving conflicts and possibly increase the need for professional help.
How do therapists deal with infidelity?
Therapists may use a variety of approaches, such as cognitive behavioral therapy or emotionally focused therapy, with couples dealing with infidelity. Cognitive behavioral therapy may help couples develop a deeper understanding of negative behavioral patterns that may contribute to unfaithfulness and betrayal. Using this technique may increase the couples’ self-awareness and help them explore the impact of their behavior on their relationship. Emotionally focused therapy, on the other hand, may focus on emotions and how two partners communicate with one another. This therapy approach may help individuals develop new communication skills that may deepen the relationship.
How long does it take for a relationship or marriage to heal after infidelity?
Typically, making progress after infidelity can be a real challenge, especially if there are children involved. The process of healing might take up to six months to two years but may vary based on different factors. Couples may seek professional help to rebuild their connection and intimacy, but it may require time, commitment to the process, energy, and hard work. This process can be challenging. Couples who decide to seek professional help, along with the support of family and friends, may have a higher chance of healing.
Can a cheater or unfaithful partner change with therapy?
Generally, cheating is considered painful and wrong in many aspects of life and relationships. While it is easy to blame the other party, there are many potential reasons why the other partner cheats, and this may manifest in various signs. For example, there could be signs of underlying issues such as sexual desire, emotional neglect, wanting to explore, anger, low self-esteem, or lack of commitment.
If your partner or spouse cheated on you and hid the truth, then they may be more likely to cheat again. However, if your partner or spouse came to you after cheating and showed remorse and guilt, then there might be a greater chance that they will change. Moreover, therapy may serve as a tool for individuals to express their emotions, address underlying issues that contribute to infidelity, and help couples manage challenging issues.
Thanks for the feedback!
- Previous Article
- Next Article