How To Break Up With Your Therapist? Finding A Good Fit

What to do when your therapist breaks up with you?

The quality of your relationship with your therapist is generally considered an important part of therapy. If your therapist is terminating your working relationship, it is likely that they didn’t feel they could maintain a high-quality relationship or provide the services you require. They may also be terminating due to personal reasons, like moving or finding a new place of employment in the next few weeks. 

Your therapist will likely offer guidance as they end the therapeutic relationship on your final appointment. They might talk to you and refer you to another professional for your next session or provide instructions on continuing your care. They may also talk about the reason why they think another professional could serve you better in your future sessions.

Finding a new therapist to address your mental health needs

It is often helpful to listen, reflect, and focus on what your therapist says and take their advice to heart. If they didn’t provide guidance or if you feel worse, you may also want to immediately seek a new professional to give you advice, diagnosis, or treatment — as this is a therapist’s job. Whatever your concern, be it about a romantic relationship, feeling hurt, a family problem, your feelings, or maybe the fact that you want to end things with a lover, it is likely that a conversation with another professional can help you manage your mental health needs.  

When to end therapy with your therapist?

Deciding to leave therapy or end your therapeutic relationship with your therapist is most commonly based on your feelings and perception of them. One of the principal reasons to decide to end your professional therapy relationship is if you don’t feel safe and comfortable when you talk to them during your sessions, and you feel like you are not on the same page when having a conversation with them. That doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong, and it doesn’t necessarily reflect that your therapist is in the wrong. Sometimes, therapists and clients don’t “click,” making it harder to establish a strong therapeutic rapport during sessions, which is commonly considered necessary for effective therapy. 

Ending therapy to find therapists who offer a better therapeutic relationship

Ultimately, you can decide to leave therapy sessions or move on and talk to a new practitioner or a different therapist for any reason but do not ghost them. It’s perfectly acceptable to move on if you don’t think therapy sessions are helping or if you think you could talk and find a better connection and conversation with another therapist. Once you feel ready for it, you can likely find another practitioner or a good therapist to talk to who will hear you out and can offer a supportive, non-judgmental approach to your feelings and concerns during therapy sessions. 

How do you detach from your therapist?

Regardless of your feelings and how your therapeutic relationship with your therapist ended, it can sometimes be challenging to move forward and decide on your next steps. Your therapist may have been a crucial part of your support network or a long-standing source of acceptance and guidance. If you feel like you’re having difficulty detaching from your therapist, consider focusing more energy on your overall health and wellness. Examine your self-care routines. Are you getting enough sleep? Eating a healthy diet? Do you find time to reflect? Can you find time in your day to exercise?

Focusing on the basics of mental and physical wellness may help you process and reduce some of the difficult feelings associated with detaching from a therapist. You may also want to consider beginning your search for a new practitioner to talk to in the next few weeks, if possible. A conversation with them may be able to help you manage feelings related to your former therapist and find ways to connect to a new mental health professional. 

How do therapists feel about termination?

Therapists often expect clients to terminate them or break up with them and discontinue therapy. Most therapists recognize the importance of a good “fit” between them and their clients, and many prefer that their clients find a new practitioner to talk to rather than continue to work with someone who doesn’t feel right and helpful to them. You are welcome to have a conversation with them to discuss your concerns and feelings and be totally honest with your therapist; don’t just ghost them. You have to make sure that you inform them ahead of time should you decide to break up and terminate your therapy sessions because some therapists may charge you a “no-show fee”. They will likely encourage you to find a clinician who fits you and your own needs well and may be able to provide referrals for your next session in the next few weeks or guidance about the process of finding a new mental health professional.

What are therapist red flags?

Arguably, the most significant red flag about a therapist is if they make you feel a bit uncomfortable during a therapy session. Mental health care is a process that often deals with uncomfortable issues, and it may take time to progress, open up your feelings, and be totally honest with your therapist, but if they dismiss your communication, invalidate your feelings, belittle your concerns, or disregard what you say, it’s likely that at least some discomfort is due to the therapist not being helpful and not the topics being discussed. 

In many cases, mild discomfort can occur simply because of a mismatch in your and your therapist’s personalities and feelings and not necessarily reflect on you. In that case, you can bring your concerns to your therapist and decide to request help finding a new practitioner. Do not just ghost them. However, if you believe your therapist has acted unethically, such as propositioning you for a date or when you hear them encouraging reckless behavior and feelings, or if they have treated you abusively by insulting you, or you hear them shouting or demeaning you, you may want to decide to end things and consider reporting their behavior in writing to the licensing board of the state in which they practice. 

How do therapists deal with breakups?

A “therapist breakup” is the term often used to refer to the termination of a therapeutic relationship between a therapist and their client. Therapists often give an explanation as to why they decide to initiate a termination because the client has reached the last session and the end of a structured treatment plan, is being referred to another practitioner, or the therapist feels they can no longer provide adequate services. Clients are often encouraged to find another clinician if they feel pressured, don’t feel comfortable with that person, or if they feel hard to open up around their current therapist. Most mental health professionals understand when a client wants to terminate; most would rather you decide to find a therapist with whom you progress and naturally “click” well than continue one more session of therapy with a provider you don’t prefer. 

How do you say goodbye to your therapist?

As human beings, saying goodbye to a person can feel hard. Bidding goodbye to a therapist can sometimes bring complex emotions, such as hurt, sadness, grief, or even relief. Although the relationship is professional in nature, many therapists become committed members of their clients' support networks, and clients may develop a strong connection to their therapist. You may want to consider letting your therapist know how you feel during your last session. If a verbal exchange or explanation isn’t preferable, you can always write your therapist a note or letter describing their impact on you and how their presence made you feel good and influenced your life. You should also consider asking your current therapist for help finding a new provider to offer advice, explanation,  diagnosis, or guidance to follow through with your progress. 

Can a therapist tell you to leave your partner?

In some cases, a therapist may suggest that you seek additional resources for support if they believe your partner can hurt you and is harmful to your well-being, but it is a very rare practice for a therapist to directly advise you to leave a romantic partner. Many mental health professionals incorporate person-centered principles into their practice and therapeutic approach, which means that the therapist is a person and a source of encouragement and support as you figure out answers to your concerns. Many therapists consider directing a person to take drastic steps in their life to progress, like breaking up with their partner or another person, to be wrong and a violation of best practices for establishing therapeutic rapport. It is unlikely they will tell you to leave your partner without an extremely pressing reason to do so. 

What do therapists notice about their clients?

Therapists in practice are trained to notice many things about their clients. They often pay attention to another person’s mood, affect, language, how they speak about themselves in therapy, and whether they have a complete understanding of their circumstances. Therapists are trained to deeply observe their clients without judging them or jumping to poorly-formed conclusions. Over time, they may begin to notice fine details about their clients and may be able to make sense of it, and thus, make accurate predictions about their thoughts and feelings while in therapy. It is generally important for a therapist to focus and have a clear understanding of your situation for appropriate diagnosis and treatment, making it essential that you work with a practitioner who you can progress with and be open and honest with. 

How do you know if your therapist is attached to you?

A therapist becoming attached to a client typically represents a maladaptive client-therapist relationship or unethical behavior on the therapist's part. Mental health professionals receive extensive training regarding how to set appropriate boundaries with clients to prevent becoming attached while still enabling the therapist to provide genuine empathy, respect, and compassion. Most therapists care deeply and focus on their clients, but they must always adhere to ethical standards regarding enforcing appropriate professional boundaries. 

Progress in therapy often requires confronting uncomfortable topics, feelings, or situations, but you should always feel safe and comfortable with your therapist. If they begin to make you worry and feel uncomfortable in your therapy sessions, ask to spend time together outside of sessions, proposition you romantically, or you sense that they begin to share too much about their feelings and their own life, it is possible they are becoming attached. Regardless, if you feel uncomfortable with your therapy practitioner for any reason, you should strongly consider terminating the relationship and finding someone new.