Therapy For Infidelity
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Infidelity in romantic relationships can have significant adverse impacts. When a person in a committed relationship cheats, the betrayed partner may feel hurt, lost, sad, confused, or other intense emotions. Questions may arise about the reason for the infidelity and what the affair means for the couple's future. In these cases, therapy or counseling may be a useful way to start the healing process.
Infidelity, sexual intimacy, and mental health
If you've recently experienced infidelity in your primary relationship, you may struggle to come to terms with what happened or feel unsure about moving forward. Being cheated on can feel like an immense loss, as you may feel you have lost the version of your relationship you thought you had and the trust you had built together before the affair happened.
What are some forms of infidelity?
Infidelity can take various forms, ranging from an emotional affair (in which there is a romantic component, but not necessarily a physical one) to a physical or sexual affair (in which there is physical or sexual intimacy). No matter how one constitutes infidelity, the effects on a relationship can be profound and overwhelming regardless of how it manifests.
In addition to negatively impacting the relationship and potentially leading to breakup or divorce, affairs can negatively impact the mental health of both partners involved – the injured party and the one who cheated. They can also sometimes impact the affair partner as well.
Common reactions to cheating
A recent study found that infidelity can enhance depressive symptoms, lower self-esteem, and create remorse in the unfaithful partner. In addition, the study found that infidelity may leave some people at risk of turning toward coping mechanisms like substance use or unprotected sex.
For individuals who have compulsive sexual habits, or a sexual addiction, the act of infidelity may also lead to intense feelings of disgust or shame in the aftermath of an affair. (Note: The terms "sex addiction" or "sex addicts" aren't officially recognized terms. However, the World Health Organization has "compulsive sexual behavior disorder" as an official diagnosis, which has the same traits and behaviors associated with being a "sex addict".)
What does infidelity therapy after an affair look like?
A partner's infidelity can be a traumatic event that can leave a couple at a loss for how to move forward. Individuals may struggle to process the affair, while couples may struggle to envision how they can rebuild trust and find healing. In these cases, counseling could be a useful resource. Therapists and counselors can help you navigate and heal from your trauma.
Couples counseling
Therapy and marriage counseling can take multiple forms. For instance, couples who want to attempt to work together to move forward from an affair may consider couples therapy or marriage counseling. During couples therapy, the injured partner and the other partner can work with a therapist to address various factors, including the root causes of disconnect in the relationship, the emotions it brought up, and how to improve their communication and rebuild the relationship.
A couple's counselor or therapist might ask about the affair's circumstances and help the couple develop strategies for rebuilding trust and avoiding future affairs. Therapy and marriage counseling might also aim to uncover existing relationship problems or unresolved issues. Techniques used in couples counseling may include role-playing, communication analysis, or exercises designed to strengthen the trust and communication between parties. However, couples' counseling can often require a commitment from both parties and an active attempt to make a change. It's important to be honest about your emotions when speaking with therapists. This will help therapists to accurately assess the situation and give effective advice.
Individual counseling with a therapist
In some cases, individual counseling may be the preferred option. For instance, individual counseling may be more appropriate when the one partner who cheated does not feel remorse, if there are multiple affairs, or if the relationship has ended. In one-on-one sessions, a therapist or counselor can provide a place to discuss your emotions surrounding the initial phase of the affair and help you move forward.
Your therapist may also offer techniques for managing the stress of rebuilding your life after infidelity, self-care suggestions, recommendations for addressing trust issues, tips for strengthening other relationships, or how to seek out other forms of support. If infidelity has caused low self-esteem, they can guide you through unpacking your beliefs about yourself in the aftermath of the affair and restructure unhelpful or untrue thought patterns. So, don’t be afraid to open up to your therapist.
Can therapy for infidelity help with recovery?
Infidelity in a relationship can be associated with various mental health challenges, including depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Finding a path forward after infidelity happens might not seem simple. For couples who want to try to rebuild their relationship, reestablishing trust and creating a healthy relationship can take time and hard work, even with the help of a therapist. For individuals whose relationships ended after infidelity, time might be needed to grieve and process emotions in the aftermath of the affair before moving into a new relationship. In either case, moving on after an affair can be a challenging journey, and having the support of a mental health professional or therapist may help you feel less alone. There are several ways to get in touch with a therapist. BetterHelp, for instance, is a platform that connects therapists with individuals seeking support and guidance.
Online couples therapy or individual counseling options
Some couples and individuals feel hesitant to try face-to-face therapy and see a therapist together, as they may not want to see their partner in person again during a separation or might feel too busy or preoccupied to commute to an appointment. In these cases, you might connect with a therapist in person or online through platforms like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples. Online therapy may be convenient for couples navigating infidelity who want to take time apart while working on their relationship, as you and your partner can join the same therapy session from different locations.
Effectiveness of online couples therapy for infidelity
Research has shown that online relationship counseling is an effective alternative to in-person relationship counseling. A 2022 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that couples therapy delivered via videoconferencing yielded similar results to face-to-face couples therapy. While therapy may not eradicate infidelity from your mind, a licensed family therapist or relationship counselor can provide support, validation, and advice for moving forward—whether you are on the road to recovery on your own or as a couple.
Takeaway
Infidelity can significantly impact couples and individuals, potentially leading to mental health challenges like depression and reduced self-esteem. For this reason, having the support of a therapist can be helpful for affair recovery, whether in couples therapy or an individual therapy setting. If you are looking for assistance dealing with infidelity, consider contacting a licensed therapist. You're not alone, and support is available.
What does being cheated on do to your mental health?
Different people may react differently to infidelity, but often, being cheated on by a romantic partner can negatively impact mental health in a variety of ways, such as by lowering self-esteem and enhancing depressive symptoms. The mental health challenges of infidelity can be quite heavy, which is why seeing a therapist for mental health therapy and counseling can be a wise option. A therapist can help you process negative emotions and rebuild confidence after being cheated on. Connecting with the right therapist can make a significant difference in your life. Consider quickly connecting with a family therapist or marriage therapist post infidelity.
What happens to the brain after infidelity?
How infidelity may impact the brain can vary by individual, but for some, infidelity can be a traumatic experience that brings on difficult emotions such as anger, insecurity, shame, and sadness, as well as overall distress, anxiety, and depressive symptoms. In addition to the impact on a person’s psychology today, the person who has been cheated on may also have difficulty building trust in new relationships and worry about future infidelity. If everything is too much to bear, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Marriage therapists can help couples heal from relationship issues and rebuild trust, while family therapists can help resolve conflicts with your entire family unit. Explore BetterHelp’s therapists and begin your journey toward healing today.
What are the 3 ways infidelity hurts today?
Infidelity can hurt in a wide variety of ways both immediately and over the long-term, but three major ways infidelity can hurt immediately include feeling betrayed by your partner, losing the version of the relationship you thought you had, and feeling like you are not “enough” for your partner.
How long does infidelity trauma last?
There is no set timeline for how long the pain and trauma of infidelity can last, and it may vary based on the individual, the relationship, and the nature of the infidelity. Seeking help through individual therapy or infidelity counseling may help facilitate healing. Licensed therapists generally have the expertise needed to help you navigate challenges during these tough times and work toward healing.
Does online therapy work for cheating?
Research has shown that online couples therapy can be effective for improving overall relationship satisfaction, mental health, and other outcomes over time, offering a viable alternative to in-person therapy for couples aiming to build a stronger relationship. For some couples, being able to meet with a therapist virtually through video or phone calls may offer a more convenient way to delve into underlying issues, voice unmet needs (such as emotional or sexual needs), and gain a deeper understanding of why infidelity occurred from a comfortable, safe space. Online therapists have the same qualifications as in-person therapists. Hence, you can trust them to provide the same level of support.
What type of couples therapy or couples counseling is best for infidelity?
Different couples may prefer different approaches for counseling and treating infidelity, but some common therapy approaches that a licensed professional counselor or marriage and family therapists may use when addressing infidelity include the Gottman method, cognitive behavioral therapy, and emotionally-focused therapy. Other options include narrative counseling, attachment-based counseling, mindful-based counseling, and integrative behavioral couples counseling.
In these therapy sessions, a therapist may try to help the couple gain insight into the underlying causes of infidelity, as there can be many different reasons why sexual infidelity or emotional affairs happen. After gaining a better understanding of these dynamics, a therapist may help the couple address these underlying causes and find ways to create a healthier, more fulfilling partnership, such as by improving communication skills, deepening emotional intimacy, and rebuilding trust. And as part of the final phase, the couple may then commit to building a brighter future together.
Do you need to seek help from therapists after being cheated on?
Seeking professional support from a licensed therapist after being cheated on can be helpful, but beyond therapy and counseling, there are also other ways you can care for your own mental health and address relationship concerns. For instance, you can practice self-care, spend time with loved ones, reflect on your own needs, and work with your partner to rebuild your emotional connection and adopt improved communication dynamics.
Will the pain of infidelity ever go away?
Infidelity can be deeply painful, but with time, support, and patience, this pain will typically fade. If you are finding it difficult to cope with the pain of infidelity, know that help is available. Therapists can also provide the guidance and support you need to heal and move forward.
How do I stop obsessing over infidelity?
If you are obsessing over infidelity, it may help to try to process your emotions, engage in self-care, spend time on hobbies or activities you enjoy, and focus on building other relationships in your life. For further support, a therapist can help. There are many therapists available in BetterHelp. These therapists are licensed and trained to help you navigate and overcome issues like infidelity.
Can a spouse really ever forgive infidelity?
After infidelity, a spouse may choose to forgive their partner and find a way to move forward. Forgiveness is possible, but whether or not couples recover after infidelity and decide to try to make the relationship work is a very personal decision and process. If both people are willing to make the effort, with or without the help of therapists, it is possible to move forward in a healthy way and create a fulfilling, happy relationship.
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