Therapy Tips: What Not To Say To Your Therapist

Therapy is generally a safe space where you can feel comfortable discussing your thoughts and feelings on a wide variety of topics with your therapist, fostering a sense of our shared understanding. Still, there may be a few things it may be best to avoid saying or doing during your first therapy session, it's safe to say that clarity can help. Working closely with your therapist can help you clarify your boundaries. It is not unusual for a therapist to help identify what’s most productive to share, and many therapists will encourage your honest self-reflection.

Improving your therapy journey: What to say and what to avoid

In our collective understanding, demanding prescription medication, believing it’s the therapist’s job to “cure” you, explaining every detail of your day, and failing to complete assigned homework may also be counterproductive to your therapy journey. Knowing what not to say to your therapist is an important part of the counseling process. When you tell your therapist about what you are going through, your therapist is often better equipped to help you navigate your current situation. You might find many therapists telling you to never avoid a subject, encouraging what we say openly as part of our therapeutic journey, but they also should hold space for you when you wonder, 'How do I overcome my fear of this topic?' Keep in mind that you can consult multiple therapists to refine your goals. If one therapist does not feel like a good fit, seeking another therapist aligned with your needs can be beneficial.

Exploring different communication styles in therapy

When working with your therapist, remember that it’s not a shame to explore different areas as we say what matters in our sessions. Some therapists might challenge your assumptions, while another therapist may align better with your communication style.

Let's look at a few behaviors you can avoid in order to get the most out of your therapeutic treatment and make progress in therapy. 

What not to say to your therapist

Talking about personal matters can be difficult. If your therapist asks about difficult topics, you may resist telling the truth or fail to offer up the details of the situation. However, it may help to consider how our willingness to say what's true fosters trust. Being honest with your therapist about your experiences and feelings will prove most beneficial in the long run. When you tell your therapist what you are wrestling with, it no longer becomes a question of "things you should never tell your therapist" since honesty is the best foundation for therapy, and what we say can shape our healing. 

Discuss your experiences during each treatment session

People can experience the same situation and have different responses to it. That means if you’re only telling the facts of a past situation or story with your therapist, they may not be getting the full picture. Instead, consider what you choose to say to offer comprehensive insight. When wondering "What will my therapist think?" it can be helpful to remember the best things to tell your therapist are your honest experiences. Usually, when wondering "Will we still have a good therapeutic relationship after I divulge this?", it's important to remember that your therapist is a professional, and this is their job. To gain the most from your therapy sessions, share not only the facts but also your emotions, as this helps your therapist better understand and guide your personal growth. If you feel your therapist's method is not as effective as expected, consider exploring other therapists who might better suit your needs. Reflecting on what you choose to say and how it shapes the session can often make it more productive.

Medication: Is it okay to ask about it when I'm trying to find a therapist?

Many medications can be prescribed to help people with mental health challenges. However, medication may not be the right solution for everyone. If you’re only seeing a therapist to get a prescription, you’re likely missing out on the true benefits of therapy, and you may not be able to get the medication you’re after.

One of the things you should never do is take new medication without consulting your doctors. Even if medication can be an effective form of treatment for the challenges that you’re experiencing, it’s often helpful to use it along with therapy. 

Integrating medication with therapy

The American Psychological Association explains that different combinations of treatment can work for different people, so it’s usually important to discuss your options with a mental health professional. Therapists typically can’t prescribe medication, so it’s important to reach out to a psychiatrist or doctor if you’re interested in utilizing medication. Even when a single therapist prescribes medication, consulting multiple therapists might be necessary to decide on additional support. Another therapist could recommend a different approach to ensure comprehensive care. It’s important to always consulting a doctor when making any decisions relating to medication.

Don’t expect them to be a cure

Some people may have been taught the misconception that it’s the job of a therapist to “fix” each patient. While the goal is usually for each person to make progress, this does not generally mean that they were “broken” to start with.

If you expect your therapist to be able to solve all your problems for you, you may end up disappointed, as this isn’t usually how therapy works. During your therapy session, although you and your therapist will generally work together, you’re usually the one that’s doing the real inner work and driving the change, not depending solely on the therapist.

The therapist may know the right questions to ask to help you discover things about yourself, but they’re typically not able to do the work for you. The therapist is usually there to help you find the right answers, assess solutions for yourself, and feel empowered. 

Focus on feelings during the healing process

It can be important to note that building a trusting therapeutic relationship with your therapist can be valuable. Small talk and general conversation may be integral parts of this process. However, some people may use small talk to avoid discussing the issues that brought them to therapy. 

Sometimes, when someone overshares about their personal life, it’s because they are avoiding getting to the root cause of why they are seeing the therapist in the first place.

Sometimes, a question that your therapist asks may get you talking about something that seems off-subject during therapy but does connect emotionally for you. If you feel that what you’re talking about seems unrelated but was triggered by the therapist, you might continue exploring that avenue. Deeper conversations with a therapist can illuminate emotional undercurrents you may have overlooked. Many therapists ask questions that may not seem directly connected at first but can ultimately reveal the root of the issue.

Complete the homework that might be assigned

While your therapist might not call it “homework,” there will likely be times when your therapist asks you to try different things during the week between your therapy sessions. Some therapists choose to include this homework in their final thoughts at the end of each session. 

Therapy homework can help you continue making progress between your sessions with the therapist, especially when you may avoid addressing a topic during the session. If you forget or purposefully fail to do what they asked, it may slow any progress that you could be making. 

Develop a constructive relationship

Therapy can be an excellent way to address a variety of mental health concerns, but sometimes, traditional in-office therapy isn’t easy to fit into your schedule, especially if you live a busy life. You may find that the convenience of online therapy makes it simpler for you to make time for regular therapy sessions.

Most online therapy adheres to the same rules as other conversations you may have with a therapist in-person but from the comfort of your own home. 

What not to say to your therapist in online therapy

As this study explains, online therapy can be as effective as traditional therapy in treating many mental health disorders. Therapists are here to support you. If you believe you’d benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional, please don’t hesitate to get the help you deserve.

Therapy can take place in the comfort of your own home, not just in a therapist's office. While family members may offer unsolicited advice, they usually don’t have the training of a professional counselor. Finding the right therapist may help you with any mental health condition you are experiencing and greatly improve your life.