Finding Convenient Couples Counseling
Life can be challenging independently, and when you’re in a relationship with another person, you may face their challenges on top of your own. Every couple comes with its own unique set of characters, behaviors, ideas, values, and challenges. With these differences or similarities, couples conflicts may arise.
Couples therapists are licensed professionals trained to support couples with various goals. Whether you’re looking for premarital counseling, experiencing a challenge, planning a family, or looking to improve your intimacy, a couples therapist can offer support. Understanding how to find a professional in your area can be beneficial when seeking services for the first time, as various types of couples therapy exist.
Not all couples therapists practice the same type of therapy, and each professional may have their own specialty or concerns they are experienced in treating. For example, some therapists may hope to work primarily with clients experiencing infertility struggles, whereas others might guide couples navigating an open relationship. No matter the reason you seek therapy, various options can be available.
Common reasons couples might seek therapy can include but are not limited to the following:
- Communication challenges
- Sexual dysfunction
- A lack of love or emotional closeness
- Mismatching values or morals
- Mismatching libido (sex drive)
- Mismatching love languages
- Family challenges
- Parenting conflicts
- Infertility and family planning
- Adoption and foster care
- A lack of time for dates and intimacy
- Open relationships or polyamory
- Infidelity (cheating or affairs)
- Lying and trust
- Life transitions
- Financial struggles
- Divorce and separation
- Long-distance relationships
- Mental illness
- Terminal illness
- Grief
- Traumatic common experiences
- Traumatic individual experiences
Depending on the reason you seek therapy, you may benefit from a specialist. Doing your research before selecting a therapist can ensure you find the proper fit. In addition, note that couples therapy may not only benefit those living with a mental illness or severe relationship issues. Couples therapy can be for any couple looking to improve or grow in any aspect of a connection—including counseling trauma.
There are several ways to find a couples and marriage therapist in your area. Most cities have couples therapy providers, but knowing where to look and how to choose the right one can be challenging. Consider the following tips when starting your search for a marriage therapist.
If you currently have an individual therapist, you may be able to ask for a referral to someone they know in your area that offers couples therapy. Your provider may have some history on the types of treatment that function well for you and may be able to let you know if there are therapists near you that could help you meet your goals.
Talking to your primary care provider can offer a similar benefit if you do not have a therapist. They might be able to refer you based on their knowledge of popular mental health service providers in your area. In addition, if you have a specific insurance plan, they may be connected with therapists in your network, so you don’t have to call and ask providers. A doctor’s referral may also increase your chances of being accepted by insurance, as it can be seen as a medical necessity.
Some couples look online for therapists by searching for the type of couples therapist they seek. Many providers list their business information and website on Google Maps. Others might be listed on internet psychology directories that list providers and allow you to contact them. If you use a psychology directory, filter your search by state, specialty, and preferred gender. You can also filter your search by insurance plans on some websites or search online for a phrase similar to "relationship counseling or therapist near me."
Some cities may have clinics or organizations of several practice therapists that work together under one practice name. Often, these organizations specify whether they work with couples, individuals, or a specific mental health concern. You can also try visiting a general mental health clinic and asking for suggestions on where to find a couples counselor accepting clients.
You can also reach out to your insurance company, if you have one, to ask about in-network therapists. Some insurance companies refer clients to therapists, which can cut down on your search time. However, you may have limited options finding a therapist, depending on where you live.
Once you’ve found a therapist you and your partner are both interested in, you might be invited to a consultation or an intake session. This session can be short and free or a paid full-length session. Depending on their session options, you might also partake in the session online or at the therapist’s office.
When you arrive, your therapist may ask you a few questions about your motives for seeking therapy, your goals for treatment, and the most significant challenges in your relationship. Some couples therapists may meet with each partner individually and then together to get an idea of why each partner is coming to therapy outside of their joint goals.
You might also be asked general questions about your life and character for the therapist to get to know you. Understanding your career, parenting status, education, and daily responsibilities can help them understand what conflicts could arise or how much time you have to commit to learning skills with your partner.
You may also be invited to ask questions and get to know your therapist to ensure you’re the right fit. Intake sessions may not detail techniques or treatment planning, as they’re often reserved for getting to know each other and setting the stage for future sessions.
In your first session or during a quick consultation with your prospective therapist, there are a few questions you can ask to learn more about their practice, including the following.
Each therapist may take their own unique approach to treatment. You may find that understanding their therapy techniques can help you decide if the therapist services would be effective for your concerns. For example, some therapists use a training and homework method, providing couples with training on a specific skill and worksheets to take home for practice. Others might take a more hands-on approach, instructing couples on activities to try in session, such as roleplaying, art projects, or reimagining conflicts.
Forbes found that the average cost of couples therapy in the US is around $175 to $275 a session. Although the cost may be split between partners, it can be an investment for many couples. For some, insurance companies may pay for couples therapy if deemed medically necessary. However, insurance may be less likely to pay for couples sessions than individual ones. If you struggle to afford therapy, ask the provider if they offer a sliding scale system for couples with a lower income. Sliding scale means the cost you pay for therapy depends on your monthly or yearly income.
Although therapists are there to help you and your partner meet your goals, couples can also put in the work to make therapy function. Being willing, open-minded, and considerate can help couples counseling sessions offer the most benefit. Therapy is not an activity that is done to you but one that you and your partner actively participate in with the guidance of a licensed therapist. Ask your prospective counselor how you can support them as they support you.
Many qualities can make or break a therapeutic relationship. When seeking a couples therapist, consider the following categories.
Psychologists and counselors abide by a code of ethics under the American Psychological Association, American Counseling Association, and their state licensing board. For many, being an ethical therapist means practicing professional subjectivity and reducing bias during sessions. Bias can look like inserting opinions, favoring one partner over the other, or discussing unprofessional ideas. Subjectivity can reduce bias by allowing therapists to consider all sides of a situation, fairly evaluate each partner, and provide respectful insertions of opinion based on research and educational background.
Subjectivity can be essential in couples therapy because partners may be sensitive to certain opinions or preferences from their therapist.
The best couples therapists make an effort to understand a couple’s unique circumstances, identity, and beliefs. When looking for a professional for couples therapy, ask yourself if you’d prefer them to have any of the following identities:
- Polyamorous
- Black Indigenous Person Of Color (BIPOC)
- Spiritual or religious
- Immigrant
- LGBTQ+
- Non-English speaker
- Transgender or non-binary
- Disabled
Having a therapist with a similar identity to you or your partner may allow them to use their life experience as an individual in the same identity category to support you in a way that may not be as effective from another provider. For example, polyamory can be controversial for some, and a therapist with experience with this type of identity may be more knowledgeable in the techniques to treat problems arising from it instead of judging the situation. If you struggle to find a therapist with your identity in your area, you can also consider finding one online.
Finally, consider the modality your therapist practices. Common forms of couples therapy include the following:
- Emotionally focused therapy (EFT)
- Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)
- Dialectical behavior couples therapy (DBT)
- Sex therapy
- The Gottman method
- Family therapy
One recent study on internet-based couples therapy held over videoconference found that couples felt the video format enhanced the therapeutic connection more than in-person therapy and gave them a sense of control and comfort over their situation. Through an online platform, couples can choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions and meet from two different locations, allowing flexibility that in-person therapy does not offer.
In addition, couples may be able to partake in individual therapy through a platform like BetterHelp if they’re looking for individual sessions outside of their couples therapy. Platforms like BetterHelp offer over 30,000 therapists trained in various modalities and specialties.
What type of therapists are best for couples therapy?
If you're seeking professional support in the form of premarital counseling, marriage counseling, or couples counseling services for relationship challenges, it’s usually recommended that you look for a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT). They should have a master's or doctorate degree, be licensed in their state, and have experience working with couples. You might also look for a couples therapist who is certified in any particular modality you may be interested in, such as Gottman-trained therapists who have a certification in the Gottman method for couples.
Is couples therapy worth it?
A 2022 study reviewed the research on the potential benefits of couples therapy. It reports that this type of treatment can be effective in reducing relationship distress. It also suggests that “the average person receiving couple therapy is better off at termination than 70%–80% of individuals not receiving treatment.” It even indicates that couples therapy may be helpful for treating anxiety, depression, trauma, and other mental health challenges in either individual and improving overall health.
A couples therapist may also help the partners:
Develop healthy communication skills
Get training in positive conflict resolution abilities
Engage in building intimacy to strengthen their connection
Address and heal old wounds
Gain insight into common conflict patterns
Learn to better manage stress
Improve parenting skills for healthier children and families
Address any challenges related to sex
Find ways to process and move past an infidelity that happened or other relationship issues as applicable
Cultivate hope for a more fulfilled life and a shared, positive future
How long does couples therapy last?
According to a review of studies on the topic, “Couple therapy may continue for only a few sessions or last years, but most models envision a process lasting between 3 and 12 months.” Sessions are usually between 60–90 minutes each.
What is the difference between couples counseling and couples therapy?
The American Psychological Association defines both of these terms as follows. Couples therapy is “therapy in which both partners in a committed relationship are treated at the same time by the same therapist or therapists. Couples therapy is concerned with problems within and between the individuals that affect the relationship.”
Couples counseling is “counseling in which guidance and advice focus on issues confronting relationships between partners” and is usually “short-term and problem-oriented.” That’s why the term “counseling” is often also used for other short-term situations, such as career counseling (designed to help a person identify their strengths and get a job) or premarital counseling (designed to help a couple get ready to get married).
Should we do couples therapy or break up?
If you are safe in your current relationship and can afford couples therapy, you may benefit from trying a few sessions to explore next steps rather than breaking up right away. In your first session or first few, many therapists will use a psychological approach to aim to understand where the conflict is stemming from in your relationship and how you got to this point of unhappiness. In the coming weeks, their professional help may then support you in gaining a better understanding of your connection and each partner’s goals for the future.
While it’s not generally the job of marriage counselors to tell their clients whether to divorce/break up, engage in separation, or stay together, they may help you gain greater insight into your relationship so you can make this decision for yourselves.
Why do people go to couples therapy?
There are lots of different goals that partners attending couples therapy may have for their time in this type of family therapy treatment. Some may be looking to address feelings of being unheard or unappreciated. Others may be interested in finding a way to achieve a new level of trust and healing after a major life change, such as loss and grief, moving to a new place, having a baby, or experiencing an infidelity.
Still others may be focused on trying to recognize each of their long-term goals and deciding whether they want to stay in their current relationship or not. It’s also common to attend couples therapy because you recognize that something’s just not quite working in your relationship, as couples therapists are trained to help clients explore these feelings and potential underlying causes.
Can couples counseling save a relationship and mental health?
In some cases, couples counseling is what partners need to learn to save their relationship. In others, the couple may decide to break up after treatment. It’s not the job of the therapist to make any such decisions; instead, they help the partners gain an accurate perspective on their relationship and their own desires so they can choose for themselves how they want to move forward. It’s also worth noting some research which suggests that couples counseling can often support the mental health of the individuals who engage in it.
Does couples therapy mean the end of a relationship?
No; attending a form of family counseling like couples therapy does not necessarily mean the end of the relationship. In most cases, it helps partners explore their connection and their own individual needs and desires so they can be better equipped to make decisions about their relationship going forward. In some instances, couples learn the tools to strengthen their relationship so it lasts for years to come. In others, partners realize that one or both of them would prefer to end the relationship. Either way, couples therapy can be a useful way to gain perspective and decide for yourself what will come next.
What is Gottman's therapy?
The Gottman Method of couples therapy is an approach to couples counseling services that was devised by John and Julie Gottman. According to the Gottman Method website, some of its key goals are to help partners create shared meaning, share fondness and admiration, turn toward instead of away, develop a positive perspective, and learn to more effectively manage conflict. To receive the most benefit from Gottman Method couples therapy, it’s generally recommended that your provider specialize in this modality and have some sort of formal training or certification related to it.
What to expect in marriage counseling after infidelity?
Each situation is different, but in many cases, a therapist who is working with a married couple to address a past infidelity will aim to understand the underlying factors that led to the act. They’ll usually encourage each partner to share their feelings openly and honestly to get everything on the table, and then they’ll start helping the partners rebuild trust and communication skills.
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