Why Crying In Therapy Is Beneficial To Treatment Outcomes
People often grow up learning to have a complicated relationship with tears. After crying, you may feel good, but giving yourself the privilege to do so can be difficult, especially around other people. Although feeling embarrassed about letting tears flow can be normal, crying episodes can improve emotional well-being. For example, when clients cry in a therapy session, these tears can be a part of the therapeutic process. Below, explore why crying in therapy may help you and the science behind the benefits of crying.
Why do humans cry for physical and mental health
Tears are essential from a physiological and psychological perspective, and humans shed three different types of tears: basal, reflex, and emotional.
Basal tears
Basal tears protect the eyeball. Every time you blink, basal tears are released to keep the eyeball moist. These tears may keep the eyes comfortable and free from infection.
Reflex tears
Reflex tears are linked to the peripheral system of the eye and are common to all land animals except snakes and amphibians. They are produced and released in response to nervous stimuli like a slap on the face, cutting onions, or debris getting into the eye.
Emotional tears
Finally, psychogenic tears are tears related to a response to an emotional stimulus. Crying can be used to communicate or express feelings, starting as an infant. As individuals grow older, they can put their wants and needs into words, and tears become less common as an emotional expression. Still, tears can come out for any emotion, especially for those who experience deep feelings.
Why crying in therapy can be difficult
Social stigma has long surrounded the act of crying, which people often internalize from a young age. Boys especially are told to “man up” or “suck it up” when they get hurt or become emotional. However, girls, too, can be labeled negatively as “criers” or “overly emotional” when they indulge in tears.
Many people in Western society, especially in the US, are uncomfortable with emotional expression. Men are socialized to repress their emotions, as crying is seen as more of a “feminine” action. For this reason, people often feel embarrassed when they allow themselves to cry, especially when people around them are unsure of how to react or react negatively.
These stigmas and uncomfortable feelings don’t disappear when people participate in therapy. Especially in the beginning stages, before you have built a strong therapeutic alliance with your therapist, shedding the emotional protections can be difficult. For people who have experienced childhood trauma, including emotional abuse, these effects may be amplified, and they may even become angry or protective when they feel tears arising. Some people laugh or make jokes to avoid crying.
The importance of the therapeutic relationship in therapy
Building trust between the client and the therapist has been found to be an essential part of the psychotherapy process. This connection is often referred to as a therapeutic relationship or therapeutic alliance. This partnership between the client and therapist can help achieve goals together, which can be the difference between effective therapy and therapy the client abandons. When a clinical practice is a safe space where you can be emotionally vulnerable, you may share more of your thoughts and feelings and, therefore, see better progress.
How crying in a therapy session can benefit mental health outcomes
Psychology shows that crying is a mechanism that allows you to release stress and emotional pain. By overcoming stigma and preconceived notions around the “weakness” of crying, you may see certain mental health benefits, such as the following.
Crying as an emotional release in a therapy session
Crying can be a cathartic or self-soothing act. Crying releases oxytocin and endorphins in the body, chemicals that cause feel-good sensations and increase tolerance to emotional and physical pain. When sadness or other negative emotions are overwhelming, a good cry can release some pent-up emotion and help people feel better quickly.
Building trust with your therapist for mental health: Building a therapeutic relationship with therapists
Allowing yourself to engage in emotional expression, including crying events, with your therapist can be a part of the healing journey. Crying indicates trust and can help you build further trust with your clinician. In addition, seeing a therapist’s tears may also build that trust. A study showed that seeing another person shed tears elicited prosocial behavior from observers.
Crying in therapy as personal growth
Overcoming the barriers to emotional expression imposed by society, your family, or yourself can be an aspect of personal growth. Psychotherapy sessions are often meant to draw out vulnerabilities and allow individuals to release strong emotions connected to past traumas. By allowing yourself to cry, you can process “stuck” feelings and may move forward in your therapeutic journey.
How to let go of embarrassment around crying in therapy and life
Allowing yourself to cry when you feel the urge can take practice and radical vulnerability. You may start by trying to become comfortable with crying when you are alone. Schedule a time specifically to work on this step. Think about a situation in your life that has caused a lot of sadness, listen to music that makes you sad, or watch a sad movie or television episode and let your tears flow.
Next, you can try to do the same with a trusted loved one, such as a romantic partner or best friend. Watch a sad movie together and practice allowing yourself to shed tears with them. This process might not work in just one or two episodes, but by repeating it, you may be able to let go of your discomfort over time.
Crying with therapists as part of the healing process
Repression of emotion is common regarding trauma, and by avoiding or repressing your feelings, you may not process or release them. Repressive coping and the dysregulated emotions that can result from this behavior are strongly linked to poor mental health outcomes and put you at greater risk for problems like:
- Substance use
- Disordered eating
- Poor sleep patterns
- Poor adherence with medical intervention
- Self-injurious behaviors
- Depression
On the other hand, research has shown that free expression of emotion can offer sustainable benefits for mental health and well-being. Psychological factors can significantly predict a long and healthy life alongside lifestyle factors such as exercise and nutritious eating.
Crying in therapy online
For many, working with therapists, crying out your feelings, and talking about hard topics can be difficult at first. Some people may ease into the process by meeting with a therapist remotely and building that trust over time. Online therapy can be an effective way for some to meet with a therapist without becoming overwhelmed, and research shows that online therapy can be as effective as meeting with a therapist in in-person practice.
With online therapy platforms like BetterHelp, you can complete an online questionnaire to be matched with a therapist who’s right for you. You can then attend sessions from the comfort of your home through video chat, phone, or text messaging. Because therapeutic alliances can be essential to success, you can change therapists anytime if you don’t believe your therapist is the right match.
Takeaway
When working with therapists, crying can open doors of emotional release and vulnerability. This process can be therapeutic because repressive coping can lead to poor mental health outcomes and impede the therapeutic process. By understanding the purpose of crying and emotional release, you can practice becoming comfortable with your own tears and learn to share your emotions more openly. Online therapy may help some individuals become more comfortable opening up and crying with a therapist. Accepting and practicing this vulnerability can lead to emotional healing and personal growth.
Is crying in therapy a breakthrough?
Crying in therapy may be a breakthrough for some clients if they struggle to cry about painful experiences and generally avoid emotional expression. However, for other clients, crying might be a frequent or troublesome emotional response. Some people may cry every time they see a therapist. Most therapists work with clients to understand their emotional needs and goals for seeking support. As trained professionals, they can help you understand the reasons underlying your crying and recognize that emotional expression can be helpful in many situations. Crying is a natural part of daily life, so learning to cry openly with a therapist can help you feel safe doing so with the other people in your life.
What do you do when a client cries in therapy?
As a therapist, you may wonder how to react if people cry during the psychotherapy process. Some therapists take the approach of providing the client with tissues or a fidget item to reduce emotional distress, without talking about the act of crying itself.
For clients who have discussed difficulty crying with their therapist in the past, the therapist may gently support them through the process, reminding them that crying is an act of bravery for many people. Try not to put the client on the spot or act as if their crying is the center of the session. In addition, don’t judge, label, or shame their crying, even if they cry often or you think they’re doing it on purpose. Crying can be a healthy and cathartic emotional release regardless of the client’s identity or past.
Will my therapist judge me if I cry?
Therapists are trained to remain non-judgmental and non-biased in the working alliance with their clients. When you cry, they are not judging you in the moment or afterward, as crying in therapy is expected. Whether you’re experiencing fear, grief, a sense of sadness, extreme stress hormones, anger, or unique challenges that have led to your tears, you’re not alone.
Your therapist is there to help you talk about any topic you want to discuss without judgment. They can offer valuable insight into coping skills that may be valuable for you and validate you through your journey toward self-discovery, positive change, and mental health. In addition, they may help you work through the root causes of tears that may have surged from events that happened a long time ago, such as the loss of someone you loved.
Is it inappropriate for a therapist to cry?
72% of therapists report having cried at some point with clients. Depending on the relationship between the provider and the client, crying may be healthy and even therapeutic. For example, if the therapist quietly sheds some tears in response to the client’s experiences as the client cries, this response can show empathy and humanity, which may comfort the client and show them that someone cares. However, if a therapist is crying loudly or for an extended period or talking about their own life experiences alongside tears, there may be more of an inappropriate dynamic, as the therapist is struggling to emotionally regulate themselves and taking away from the client’s therapeutic session.
How often do clients cry in therapy?
Every client is different, but crying in therapy is generally considered typical. When talking about deep subjects like trauma, loss, breakups, and love, among others, people may shed tears due to the emotions that arise. Some people may cry every time they go to therapy, whereas other people may only cry when they talk about specific struggles. Try not to compare yourself to others, as crying is a healthy release, regardless of how often you cry.
Can my therapist hold me while I cry?
Therapists maintain strict ethical codes when working with clients. In general, touching the client is a crossing of this boundary. However, some therapists do offer platonic touch in therapy, such as massage therapists, certain spiritually focused providers, and others who work with the body as well as the mind. While a therapist may not be able to hold you while you cry, they might provide a short hug or give you a blanket or other soothing items to hold while you cry. Therapists often avoid physical touch to keep the relationship between them and the client professional and to avoid the client becoming overly dependent or attached to the therapist.
How do you let yourself cry in therapy?
If you notice the urge to cry, allow yourself to cry by letting the tears come out. Try not to judge yourself or give in to urges to suppress the tears. For example, if tears arise, don’t tense your throat or look up to dry your eyes. Instead, allow the tears to come. You don’t have to acknowledge your tears if you are uncomfortable doing so.
Should I tell my therapist they hurt my feelings?
If you were emotionally hurt during therapy, telling your therapist can be therapeutic and increase your trust. Therapists are there to support you, so ensuring they know what you think of their approach can help them know when to change their approach and when to apologize. The therapeutic alliance is often considered one of the most important parts of therapy, so not having a strong connection with your provider may be a sign to communicate with them about this gap or look for a new therapist. If one therapist isn’t working for you, looking for another is okay.
Should I see a therapist if I can't cry?
Therapy can still be helpful, even if you struggle to cry. A therapist can also help you find out the causes behind your lack of tears, such as emotional avoidance, shame, trauma, grief, and other causes. They can help you start opening up about your feelings more freely, and you might find that you cry in sessions in the future. However, even if you never cry in therapy, therapy can still improve your mood and mental wellness, especially if you have a strong connection with your therapist.
What happens if you cry in therapy?
If you cry in therapy, your therapist may offer you some tissues or a comfort item to support you. They might ask if there’s anything else they can do for you, such as getting you a warm tea or talking about the crying. In some cases, you may continue to have the same discussion you were having before crying, especially if you’re uncomfortable addressing the tears directly. If you notice other emotions arising due to your tears, such as anger or anxiety, tell your therapist. They may help you be more comfortable crying in session with them.
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