Why Do Bullies Bully?

Medically reviewed by Paige Henry, LMSW, J.D.
Updated April 16th, 2025 by BetterHelp Editorial Team
Content warning: Please be advised, the below article might mention trauma-related topics that include abuse which could be triggering to the reader. If you or someone you love is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7. Please also see our Get Help Now page for more immediate resources.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), approximately one in five high school students reported having been bullied in the previous year.

Some people’s first experiences with bullying begin as early as kindergarten, and bullying often escalates at school in adolescence.

Have you ever wondered why bullies bully? What drives a child or teenager to torment other kids, especially in an era when so many anti-bullying campaigns exist? Below, explore the harsh reality of bullying and learn why some kids bully others. In addition, explore the effects of bullying and offer resources for individuals who would like support for the mental health symptoms created by both mental and physical bullying. 

Persistent bullying can damage your self-esteem

What is bullying?

Bullying is a harmful behavior where individuals repeatedly intimidate or harm others in person or through social media platforms. Effective bullying prevention involves strategies and programs designed to educate and defend individuals from such negative behaviors, fostering a safer environment. The rise of social media has increased the prevalence and visibility of bullying, making it crucial to implement strong bullying prevention measures both online and offline.

What is a bully?

A bully is someone who is physically or verbally abusive to someone else or has repeatedly used manipulation or aggression to control another person. Although bullying can occur in adulthood, most cases of bullying involve children, especially in middle and high school. Bullying doesn’t just happen in person; it can also happen online—a phenomenon called cyber-bullying. Research shows that 33% of middle schoolers have experienced cyber-bullying, and one in six high school students (nearly 17%) experienced cyber-bullying in the last year. Survivors may be at risk of consequences like poor school performance, getting bad grades, or having suicidal thoughts.

* If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, please call the 988 Suicide And Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988. You can also use the online chat feature on the lifeline’s website.

Why do bullies bully?

When confronted with the harsh reality of violence and bullying, people commonly question the factors that cause it. For example, they might wonder if violent people were “born bad” or if they were negatively affected by an experience. Is it possible that some people are just bullies from birth? Experts and the media have debated this issue for many years, and the majority of professionals believe that bullies are made and not born.

Abuse

Research suggests that most bullies have experienced bullying or abuse at the hands of someone else. According to one study by the University of Washington and Indiana University, 97% of individuals who engaged in bullying had been bullied by others. In cases where a child experiences abuse at home or school— and later goes on to bully others—traits such as sadism and aggression may be learned and absorbed at a young age. If no one intervenes and the child does not receive help, these traits can become core facets of a child’s personality and have a significant impact on their future behavior and relationships.

Insecurity

Given that many bullies are often abused at home or school, insecurity can be a significant underlying factor that drives a bully’s behavior. When bullies harm their targets, they may seem powerful, dominant, or in control. However, this appearance may be a facade. Many people put others down to make themselves feel strong.

If a child feels vulnerable, they may decide to pick on someone else to feel better about themselves. If they are jealous of the person they decide to target, the bullying may be a way to try to feel better. While these motivations do not excuse bullying, they may help researchers develop new insights into the psychology of bullies and learn how to help children at risk of becoming bullies.

Peer pressure

Many children also bully others as a result of peer pressure. Although they may not be inherently cruel themselves, they may go along with other bullies in search of acceptance from peers in their social circle. This desire can often drive kids to behave cruelly or uncharacteristically if they think doing so will give them the acceptance and admiration of their peers. Although peer pressure does not excuse bullying, it may help to be aware that this influence can be powerful and motivate children to mistreat or abuse their peers.

Why it’s important to understand bullies

Abuse, insecurity, and peer pressure are only a few of the factors that can lead someone to bully others, but they are among the most common. Understanding these factors can go a long way toward improving your understanding of bullies. This understanding may help to prevent—and ultimately eliminate—bullying. 

Whether they are being abused at home or at school, children who bully others are often experiencing an adverse event or lifestyle themselves. Therefore, awareness of bullying may always lead to an intervention for each of the children involved: the one who is being bullied and the one who is doing the bullying. If this support can occur, it may be possible to prevent years of physical, psychological, and emotional harm for both parties – as well as long-term health consequences.

How you can help

If you suspect your child or someone you love is being bullied, know you can be a positive force for bullying prevention. You might start by talking to the teacher and expressing the need for change. If your child is being bullied by a peer at school – be it physical bullying, sexual bullying, or verbal bullying – you might make time to sit down with the parents and talk about what’s going on. The other parents may not realize that their child is participating in bullying behavior. They may be able to get their child help so that they no longer bully others. If this doesn’t help, in dangerous situations, you may escalate the situation by reaching out to the police.

Counseling for children and teens affected by bullying

If your child is experiencing bullying, they may find extra support helpful at this time. You might connect them with a therapist specializing in helping children and adolescents. A licensed counselor may be able to help your child work through their feelings and provide them with positive tools and coping mechanisms to process their experiences and respond to bullying. If your child is uncomfortable with traditional in-person therapy, they may benefit from online therapy. Some therapists, such as those at TeenCounseling, offer online therapy via audio, videoconferencing, or live chat for teens aged 13 to 19.

Online therapy has been proven to be as effective as in-office therapy. One study published in 2020 showed that online therapy is effective for anxiety and depression, which may be common among people who have experienced bullying.

Counseling for parents of youth affected by bullying

Parents can also try online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp. As a parent of a child who has been bullied, you, too, may benefit from connecting with a licensed therapist. Learning that your child has experienced bullying can be painful, and you may feel guilty if you hadn’t noticed. However, bullying is not your fault, and an online therapist may be able to help you process your experience and learn how to prevent your child from being bullied in the future. 

Takeaway

Bullies often bully others as a result of having experienced bullying themselves. If you have a child who has experienced bullying or who has engaged in bullying, know that there is help available through therapy, whether in person or online.

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