What Is Partner Betrayal Trauma?

Trauma can stem from various sources, such as losing a loved one, being exposed to violence or war, experiencing a natural disaster, or facing a serious illness. Trauma can also result from situations involving significant others, an experience which may be referred to as “partner betrayal trauma.” To understand partner betrayal trauma and its impact, individuals may start by learning the ideas behind betrayal trauma. 

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What is betrayal trauma? 

Trauma affects 70% of US adults at some point during their lives. Betrayal trauma may occur when a person’s trust is broken by someone else. The individual who breaks this trust might hold various roles, including a parent, partner, sibling, close friend, or, in other cases, an institution. 

The term “betrayal trauma” originates from the betrayal trauma theory proposed by Jennifer J. Freyd, who states that betrayal traumas can occur when “people or institutions which a person depends on for survival significantly violate that person’s trust or well-being.” For example, a child who is abused emotionally, sexually, or physically by a parent may experience betrayal trauma. Other terms, such as betrayal blindness, were also coined by Freyd. This term could refer to a lack of awareness of betrayal or a tendency to forget that a betrayal has occurred. 

As mentioned in Freyd’s definition, betrayal trauma can also occur due to the actions of an institution. This type of trauma is known as institutional betrayal. Institutional betrayal can happen because an institution fails to prevent or respond appropriately to a problem or unjust incident. For example, if an employee of a company were to inform executives of a flaw in their product that could harm customers, one may expect them to fix the issue and praise the employee. However, if they were to instead fire this person and cover up the problem, that employee may experience institutional betrayal trauma. 

These examples are only some of the many different types of betrayal trauma that a person can experience. For instance, if a person were to put their trust in a romantic partner and that trust was broken, they might label it as a traumatic experience. This experience may be referred to as partner betrayal trauma. Childhood trauma, such as childhood sexual abuse and childhood physical abuse, may cause betrayal trauma to have more layers, as individuals may hold attachment behavior from early life and project fears, psychological trauma, and memories onto others. Betrayal can lead to a trauma survivor experiencing significant mental health challenges and emotional pain due to reminders of early traumatic events in their lives. 

What is partner betrayal trauma?

Partner betrayal trauma is a specific form of betrayal trauma perpetrated by a person’s significant other. This type of betrayal could occur in various situations, such as the following. 

Infidelity

Abuse

One of the most severe forms of partner betrayal trauma may come from abuse. Partner abuse can take a variety of forms, including:

• Physical: Physical abuse typically involves the use of force that results in pain or injury. Examples of this type of abuse can include hitting, slapping, pushing, choking, punching, and kicking. 
• Psychological: Psychological abuse can involve behaviors that are meant to disrupt how someone sees themself, their partner, or their environment. Examples of psychological abuse may include forced isolation, gaslighting, preventing someone from seeing loved ones, and invading someone's solitude. 
• Sexual: Sexual abuse may involve non-consensual sexual behavior or acts. These acts might include sexual assault, rape, indecent exposure, unwanted touching, or any sexual activity that a person does not (or cannot) consent to. 
• Financial: Financial abuse may involve controlling a partner’s finances. Examples of financial abuse could include stealing money, restricting how a person spends their money, taking on loans in another person's name, or preventing a partner from making an income. 

Lying

If one partner consistently fails to tell the truth, their lying could contribute to partner betrayal trauma. Continuous deception can erode trust and cause a person to become suspicious and insecure. The subject of these lies may vary and could concern infidelity, finances, substance use, or many other significant aspects of life. For example, if a person claims to have quit using a substance but continues to use it in secret, their partner could believe they’ve been betrayed. These situations can negatively impact a person’s relationship and their general sense of safety and trust. 

Emotional neglect

If someone trusts their partner to meet their emotional needs, but those needs aren’t met, they may be experiencing emotional neglect. Examples of emotional neglect may include not providing support during periods of distress, not showing basic affection, or ignoring a partner’s emotions. It can be difficult to notice this type of neglect, as it can be subtle. However, over time, a neglected partner could begin to believe they are unworthy of love or affection. Neglect may also contribute to low self-esteem and loneliness, as well as conditions such as anxiety and depression. 

The statistics behind betrayal trauma 

Research suggests that betrayal by a romantic partner can not only be considered a form of interpersonal trauma, but it can also lead to the development of a mental health condition. In a 2021 qualitative study, researchers found that between 30% and 60% of individuals who experienced partner betrayal developed clinically significant levels of various mental health disorders, including anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Due to these potential impacts, individuals may find it helpful to seek methods to address or cope with partner betrayal trauma to improve their mental health and relationship security. 

How to cope with partner betrayal trauma 

While each instance of partner betrayal trauma is unique, there could be several approaches to help those experiencing this type of trauma and its impacts. However, these approaches may depend on the cause of the trauma. For example, the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) recommends marriage and family therapy for those who have experienced infidelity. A family therapist can sit down with an individual and their partner to address the affair productively. This method may only be helpful if the couple wants to reconcile and can do so safely. 

Some people who have experienced partner betrayal trauma may not wish to reconcile with their partner. In other cases, even if they wish to reconcile, it may not be healthy or safe. In these cases, individuals might try therapy on their own to cope with the end of the relationship and the infidelity or betrayal that occurred. 

For those who choose to engage in family therapy, initial sessions may start by establishing a safe environment to process emotions and guide the client through techniques for reducing traumatic symptoms. This process might involve ensuring that the affair is terminated and that the guilty partner no longer has contact with the person they were cheating on their partner with.  

Often, the goal in the early stages of this type of therapy may be to reach a place of stability where the situation surrounding the affair can be viewed with clarity. Once a therapist has helped the couple stabilize the emotions associated with the affair, they may move on to what caused it. After the reasons have been identified, the betrayed person may be able to reach a place of forgiveness, which could help them process their trauma. The other partner may also come to a place where they can apologize, repair, and move forward. In some cases, partners may find that they wish to break up during the therapy process, which the therapist may also facilitate and support them through. 

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Alternative support options 

While in-person therapy can be beneficial for those experiencing partner betrayal trauma, it may not be accessible for some individuals. For example, a person may live in an area without enough therapists or counselors, sometimes referred to as a healthcare professional shortage area (HSPA). Others could lack health insurance, which may increase the difficulty of finding a mental health professional.

Some people may find in-person therapy uncomfortable because they are uncomfortable discussing specific topics in person or prefer communication through other methods. In these situations, trying effective alternatives, such as online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples, may be helpful. Online platforms offer unique ways to receive support, such as phone, video, or live chat sessions. In addition, they may provide a more flexible schedule, allowing clients to schedule sessions when they’re available, including outside of standard business hours. 

Research indicates that online and in-person therapy can equally support clients with various conditions. In a 2022 systematic review and meta-analysis, researchers compared 12 trials with 931 participants that involved the use of in-person therapy, online therapy, or a combination of both. They found that both types of therapy had a similar effect on symptom severity, overall improvement, working alliance, and client satisfaction. These results were seen immediately after therapy and during check-ins at three, six, and 12 months.