Self-Control: Definition And How To Improve It
While most of us may recognize that some degree of self-control can be important, finding the willpower to work toward our goals can be a daily challenge. Some days, we may fail to meet our own standards, and in those moments, it’s often best to be gentle with ourselves, reset, and try again the next day. But on other days, life may call for a bit more willpower. To meet our goals, take care of ourselves, and show up for the people we care about, we usually need a certain amount of self-control. It can be possible to increase self-control by removing temptations, developing stress management strategies, and tracking your progress. You may also find it helpful to work with a licensed therapist who may keep you accountable and help you as you move toward your goals.
What is self-control?
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), self-control can be defined as the ability to be in command of your behavior and restrain or inhibit your impulses.
In theory, self-control can be a positive and necessary skill. People with greater self-control can often resist short-term rewards in favor of long-term goals. For example, if you’re training for a marathon, choosing to get up every morning to complete your workout can pay long-term dividends. However, if you start oversleeping and skipping workouts, you may be disappointed by your performance at the final event. One study found that people with higher self-control tended to experience a greater sense of meaning in life, in part due to their ability to create greater order and structure in their lives.
In almost all dimensions of life, self-control can help us overcome our immediate desires and make more thoughtful, practical decisions. These core areas of life may include the following:
- Career: Focusing on the task at hand and slowly working toward long-term goals
- Finances: Saving and spending money within reason
- Relationships: Keeping promises to friends and romantic partners and taking time to process difficult emotions, rather than reacting to them
- Health: Making choices about food, exercise, substances, and alcohol that support your overall well-being
If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.
Research suggests that people with higher self-control tend to find greater satisfaction in life, while those with lower self-control tend to give in to impulsive behavior and progress more slowly toward their goals.
Does self-control have limits?
While self-control can be an essential part of goal-setting, it may also be a limited resource. Throughout the day, you generally make hundreds of decisions ranging in size and magnitude, and you may exercise willpower to follow through with each one. By the end of the evening, you may have less cognitive energy to resist temptations, such as an extra drink at happy hour or one more episode of your favorite show.
These “slip-ups” can be expected and entirely human. At some point, we may all need breaks. It can be impossible to push through every obstacle with sheer willpower. This phenomenon can be referred to as ego depletion, or a state of depleted willpower.
However, some sources report that people may not experience ego depletion unless they believe that self-control is a limited resource. Those who believe they possess unlimited self-control may not experience ego depletion. Therefore, mindset may play a role in how much self-control you can exercise on a daily basis.
Is there a dark side to self-control?
While some degree of self-control can set you on the path toward success, too much can be detrimental to your health and relationships. Some studies have found that high levels of self-control may present the following drawbacks:
- A more limited emotional experience and range of emotions
- A tendency to over-work and over-rely on yourself over others
- Long-term regrets about exercising self-control in scenarios where “letting go” may have led to more fun, pleasure, and connection
- Bias against marginalized groups whose challenges may be unfairly attributed to low self-control, as opposed to systemic barriers
Like most “good” things, an excess of self-control can have negative consequences for the health of individuals, families, friends, and even cultures at large. But by finding the right balance, you can use the power of self-control to enhance your sense of purpose.
How can i improve my self-control?
As you review and later apply these five strategies, be mindful to be kind to yourself. It often takes time to build self-control, and some people may be more naturally inclined to exert willpower than others. While self-control can be important, it’s not usually the only contributing factor to success.
1. Don’t face temptation: remove it
Perhaps you’ve heard someone describe how they “faced” a temptation, just like they’d face a persistent fear or challenging conversation.
However, self-control may be better accomplished by proactively avoiding temptation. Rather than attempting to resist your favorite dessert or retail store, this research suggests it may be best to remove the temptation altogether, so you don’t have to endure an unnecessary “face-off.” Using this strategy can save you the mental energy you may otherwise devote to fighting the temptation.
It’s not always possible to control our environments, but removing temptation can be fairly simple. You may choose to leave your phone outside the bedroom so that you’re not tempted to scroll before sleeping. If you notice that your self-control is faltering in a certain environment, you could enlist the help of friends who can keep you accountable or help you leave the situation. Try to surround yourself with people who know your temptations and recognize the importance of avoiding them.
2. Develop coping strategies for stress
When we’re stressed, self-control tends to fly out the window. Research suggests that people with greater self-control may be more effective stress controllers, which generally makes their stressful thoughts less intrusive and overpowering. Simultaneously, they tend to be better at putting themselves in supportive, low-stress situations that aid their goals and emotional well-being.
In a study of 594 participants in the United Kingdom, researchers found that people with good self-control generally reported less stress overall, and their stress levels were usually more stable compared to people with lower self-control.
Think back to the last time you were really stressed. If you struggled to make the “right” or healthy decision during that time, it likely wasn’t a moral failing. From a psychologist’s perspective, stress probably made it difficult to perform cognitively demanding tasks.
During periods of high stress, the usual strategies for stress reduction can be especially handy. In addition to getting enough sleep and eating a balanced, nourishing diet, you might take time to develop your personalized arsenal of coping strategies. These could include the following:
- A 10-minute walk around your neighborhood, or in the park by your office
- Calling a trusted friend or loved one
- Reading a passage from your favorite book
- Sitting in silence with a cup of tea
Stress can look and feel slightly different for everyone, so feel free to modify and add to this list!
3. Track your progress
Whether you’re working toward short-term or long-term goals, it’s often hard to stay motivated without honoring how far you’ve come. If you need a simple, streamlined way to track your progress, consider using SMART goals. In this framework, SMART stands for:
- Specific
- Measurable
- Achievable
- Relevant
- Time-bound
For example, your SMART goal might be to study for an hour every evening for three weeks to prepare for the final exam in your psychology course. This goal is generally much clearer than simply saying, “I want to do well on my psychology exam.” By setting SMART goals, you can begin tracking your progress toward concrete objectives.
4. Clarify your "why"
In a foundational study of self-control in children, psychologist Dr. Walter Mischel used the “marshmallow test” to assess children’s ability to delay gratification. This study led Dr. Mischel and his collaborators to develop the “hot-and-cool” system, a theory that attempts to explain why willpower succeeds or fails.
In this theory, the “hot” system can be seen as your impulsive, emotional reaction to temptation. The “cold” system may be your ability to make a rational decision to turn down a temptation in favor of achieving a longer-term goal. Some people may be more or less susceptible to hot stimuli, which can result in varying abilities to delay gratification.
If you notice you’re more likely to give in to your need for immediate gratification, it may be helpful to hit pause when faced with temptation and clarify your “why.” Consider writing down your core motivators in a journal or on a homemade sign, then keep the list visible in your home or workspace. Short-term rewards can feel good in the moment, but when you compare them to your long-term goals, it can become easier to make a choice that benefits your future self.
5. Connect with a therapist for accountability
In any situation that demands self-control, an accountability partner can be invaluable. While you might recruit a friend or family member for support, a therapist can offer an additional level of expertise and wisdom.
While some people may prefer in-person therapy, a growing number tend to choose online therapy to work toward their mental health goals. Using a digital platform like BetterHelp, you can complete a brief questionnaire and match with a licensed therapist within 48 hours. You may also personalize the therapy experience by choosing between sessions through video call, phone call, or online chat.
A growing body of research shows that online therapy can help people set and achieve a variety of goals and can be just as effective as face-to-face therapy. A 2022 study assessed the value of goal-based outcome measures (GBO) to monitor progress in online therapy. The study measured each person’s progress toward achieving the therapeutic goals they had made for themselves. Their findings suggest that GBOs can be useful for monitoring therapeutic progress in online therapy, and that online therapists can actively collaborate with clients to set and achieve their objectives. In fact, the study found that “[g]oals set in collaboration with a practitioner were also successfully achieved more often than those set independently.”
Takeaway
What does it mean to have self-control?
Self-control typically refers to disciplined thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. People with good self-control can usually prevent themselves from making unwise or impulsive decisions, dedicate themselves to a task, and regulate their emotions. A central component of self-control is executive function, which refers to high-level cognitive abilities like planning, problem-solving, and decision-making. The brain’s executive functions are often compared directly to willpower, but self-control goes beyond the force of will. Other brain systems, such as the reward and fight-or-flight systems, must be trained, which is why developing habits and discipline can often take a substantial amount of time.
What are the three types of self-control?
The three types of self-control that professionals commonly refer to include impulse control, emotional control, and movement control. Controlling impulses means being able to refrain from acting unless the reasons for that action have been considered. Mastering patience is often cited as a helpful life skill, and it begins with learning to control impulsive behaviors. Emotional control refers to the ability to place logical thought over feelings. While emotions are an important part of human brain function, behaving in a particular way or making decisions based solely on emotions can sometimes cause problems. Maintaining high self-esteem and mental well-being without emotional control may also be harder. Finally, movement control refers to the ability to plan, coordinate, and execute bodily movements. Raising a hand or shaking your head requires movement control.
What is a word for self-control?
Likely, the most common word used to describe self-control is “discipline.” A common interpretation of discipline is the ability to refrain from acting on impulses, an important self-control component. Emotional stability is also associated with discipline. Disciplined individuals are often harder to provoke or emotionally wound than those who lack emotional discipline.
What is the feeling of self-control?
Calm feelings are likely an important part of self-control. Managing impulses, emotions, and desires often requires finding ways to initiate and maintain a calm emotional state. Many people prioritize emotional regulation when actively improving their self-control. Adverse emotions like stress and unhappiness can make regulating thoughts and behaviors much harder. Developing self-control also typically requires committing to gradual progress and accepting that setbacks are likely to occur. The ability to remain calm or self-soothe is often helpful when dealing with setbacks or other adverse life circumstances.
One popular way to help find calm feelings is learning mindfulness strategies. Mindfulness prioritizes existing in the present moment without reacting to it. It separates events from feelings, encouraging those who use the techniques to recognize that not everything in life warrants an emotional reaction. Mindfulness might be especially useful for those who find it challenging to overcome self-doubt or negative self-talk, which can be significant barriers to developing self-control.
How do you show self-control?
Examples of self-control are often difficult to spot. While some forms of self-control are fairly apparent, such as an Olympic gymnast performing a highly disciplined routine, others can be extremely subtle. Self-control is often marked by avoiding or abstaining from something, such as refraining from responding to an aggressor emotionally or avoiding impulsivity triggers. Because of this, knowing exactly how to show self-control can sometimes be challenging. In many situations, self-control means simply walking away, metering an emotional reaction, or choosing delayed gratification over an instantaneous reward.
What is a self-control life skill?
Self-control can often be challenging, and having access to skills and tools you can use to make the process easier is often helpful. Some possible self-control life skills include:
Basic self-care. Sleep, diet, and exercise are the foundations of self-control. Evidence suggests that sleep disturbances, eating an unhealthy diet, or not getting enough physical activity can significantly reduce the strength of executive functions necessary for self-control.
Set small goals. Many people become discouraged when they do not achieve their self-control goals soon after starting the journey to reach them. Developing self-control can take time, and most people are less likely to be motivated if it seems like their goal is always far off on the horizon. You can combat this by breaking up your big self-control goals into smaller, easier-to-achieve goals that build collectively to bring you to your main goal.
Practice delayed gratification. When able, put off getting what you want to practice using self-control. Even if instantaneous gratification would not cause harm, delaying the reward can help strengthen your mental discipline and make it easier to achieve self-control.
What is it called when you have self-control?
Some words to describe someone with self-control include disciplined, restrained, self-governing, and reticent. Any word that can describe someone who prioritizes delayed gratification and emotional regulation can likely be used to describe someone with self-control.
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