A Step-By-Step Guide For Reducing Feelings Of Loneliness

As social creatures, humans have developed a need for human connection and companionship. Countless research, including decades of study, shows that social connection is vital to our health, well-being, and happiness. When this need isn't met, it may foster feelings of isolation and loneliness. Loneliness may strike no matter where you are, even if you're in a room full of people.

If you're experiencing loneliness without any sense of relief, it might influence your thoughts and actions. Whether you are in a relationship or single, feeling lonely can feel like a challenging emotion to overcome because it is self-reinforcing. However, there are many potential methods of reducing loneliness. For example, engaging with local businesses, spending time with a pet, or seeking just the right amount of company can help lower loneliness scores. A study found that those who decided to actively pursue human connection and find companionship experienced a significant decrease in feelings of isolation.

How to reduce lonely feelings

Since loneliness may occur anytime and anywhere, it can help to have a variety of coping mechanisms to turn to in times of need. What works in one situation may not be helpful in another.

Isolation vs. loneliness

Social isolation and loneliness are not the same. Social isolation is the physical and emotional state of spending time alone. Loneliness can be a perceived disconnection from others, regardless of how many friends you have. 

Socially isolated people may not be lonely and lonely people may not be socially isolated. Many psychologists believe that loneliness is a state of mind or an emotional state, not an action.

The effects of loneliness

Loneliness can create a cycle in which loneliness breeds more loneliness. If you have ever felt lonely and wonder about the human experience of loneliness, consider the wide-ranging negative effects of loneliness:

1. Pessimism about existing relationships: If you lack companionship in a relationship, you might attribute the feeling to your relationship(s). You may feel that your relationship is inadequate, your partner doesn’t share the same interests, or there is some sort of disconnect between yourself and your partner – even if nothing is wrong with the relationship.
2. Self-fulfilling prophecy: If you think others don’t like to be around you, you may naturally withdraw from social situations, which can make you feel even lonelier.
3. Loneliness is a visible stigma: When you are desperately lonely, you may project it through your communication style, body language, clinginess, or insecurity. If you allow loneliness to be your dominant emotion, others may be able to easily pick up on it.
4. Isolation dulls your ability to connect: If you allow your loneliness to turn into physical isolation, over time, you could naturally lose your relationship-building skills, such as conversation starters, body language habits, and eye contact.
5. Loneliness triggers poor physical health: Loneliness increases your risk for chronic disease and premature death. For instance, according to a recent study, lonely ants die young because they don’t know what to do when they are by themselves. The biological cause of death? They eventually lose digestive function. Clearly, health problems and early death get in the way of social connection.
6. Decreased motivation to connect:Loneliness and depression can go hand-in-hand. In fact, loneliness is a more significant predictor of depression than social isolation. Depression is characterized by decreased motivation and apathy to carry out day-to-day activities. Although you may desire deeper social connections, depression can get in the way.

To find companionship and combat loneliness, consider exploring new ideas or activities, such as music, spending time in the world, and seeking out free events happening around you. Dedicate a moment each week to push yourself out of your comfort zone and connect with others, even if it's just a brief conversation.

Coping with loneliness

How can you cope with loneliness? It can depend on the situation, and you may need multiple methods to curb your lonely feelings. Here are several strategies you can try to stop feeling lonely:

1. Identify and feel your feelings: Is it loneliness you’re feeling, or something else? Other emotions can feel similar to being lonely. Once you are sure it’s loneliness you’re experiencing, try not to fight your feelings. Let yourself feel your emotions and try to understand where they may be coming from. Simply acknowledging how you’re feeling can help you decide what step to take next.
2. Remind yourself of what’s true: Loneliness can make you believe things that aren’t true about yourself. You might begin to think that you’re unlovable, unworthy, or undeserving of attention. Replace these unhelpful thoughts with ones that build you up.
3. Practice self-care and appreciate me-time: Everyone needs alone time to be healthy. Embrace this time to reflect and grow as an individual. Don’t be afraid to fly solo at a movie theatre, a mall, a park, or even a restaurant. Do activities that make you happy and pick up hobbies you can lean on when you’re feeling down. Being a friend to yourself can be highly beneficial. Eat healthy, get enough sleep, and spend time on your own happiness.
4. Accept and leverage your personality traits: One of the Big 5 Personality Traits Add space is Extroversion/Introversion. Do you gain or lose energy during social interaction? Extroverted people gain energy from social interactions while an introvert recharges from time alone. Both introverts and extroverts can feel lonely. To overcome loneliness, you must learn to identify and value your natural tendency (i.e., introversion or extraversion). One is not better than the other; they are simply different. If society clashes with your tendency, don’t feel the need to explain it away. Simply be who you are and find others who love you for it.
5. Understand that there is a genetic component to loneliness: While a loneliness gene has not been isolated, one study found that there is a genetic predisposition for loneliness, just as there is for depression. Once you recognize that the tendency for loneliness might be hardwired into your genes, you can work to overcome this genetic predisposition through behavioral patterns. Keep in mind: Your genes are not your destiny.
6. Be physically present: It can be difficult to overcome loneliness (or social isolation for that matter) if you don’t give yourself a chance to connect with others. Attend church functions, community meetings, exercise groups, or a book club, even when you don’t feel like going. Take control. When you feel the insecurity associated with loneliness, give yourself confidence by repeating a mantra. Positive self-talk can do wonders for your confidence level.
7. Be emotionally available: Don’t just show up to things; have meaningful stories with others when you get there. Let people into your inner circle, and they will be more likely to let you into theirs.
8. Reconnect with old friends: Search your phone contacts or Facebook friends for old acquaintances and consider reconnecting with them. Unlike a stranger, these people have a piece of your past, no matter how small. Use this as a catalyst for building a stronger relationship. If you truly desire deep, meaningful relationships, reconnecting with people from your past can be rewarding.
9. Overcome your fear of rejection by being realistic: Everyone – whether lonely or not – fears rejection. In fact, for many people, this fear is a reaction to a past experience of being rejected. This fear has consequences of its own; you may try to shield yourself through isolation, which itself can cause loneliness. You can work to overcome this fear by acknowledging that you can’t be everyone’s best friend. There are bound to be people who don’t particularly like you, and that’s okay. Treat everyone with respect but focus on building relationships with people who do like you.
10. Switch off social media: Anyone, no matter how connected to others, can feel overwhelmed when they peruse their social media feeds. Swarmed by pictures, videos, and statuses about other peoples’ fun times, relationships, and accomplishments, you may begin to feel inadequate and lonely. But most people only paint the bright half of the picture on social media; they leave out the dark half. When you feel lonely, give yourself some distance from social media.
11. Develop emotional intelligence: Did you know that there’s a proven pathway to success both in the workplace and in relationships? In fact, in Emotional Intelligence 2.0,the authors explain that emotional intelligence (not IQ) accounts for 58% of job success. The four domains of emotional intelligence are self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. Overall, emotional intelligence refers to your ability to harness, leverage, and control your natural emotions and identify and respond to others’ emotions. It is a powerful skill set. The best part? You can develop these skills by reading one of the many self-help books on emotional intelligence.
12. Rule out underlying conditions: Mental health conditions like depression can cause you to feel lonely. Speak to a mental health professional if you feel you are experiencing depression or another disorder. Treating your mental health may help you overcome loneliness with more ease.
13. Ask for help: We all need help at some point in our lives. If you’re feeling lonely, reaching out to a friend, family, or therapist can be beneficial. Connection with others may reduce your lonely feelings and leave you feeling more optimistic.

Although everyone experiences loneliness sometimes, it can become a deeper problem when it’s persistent. If you feel your lonely feelings are something you can’t cope with effectively or on your own, seek support.

Online counseling with BetterHelp

Feelings of loneliness can be hard to combat on your own. If you feel stuck, an online therapist at BetterHelp can provide wisdom and an outsider’s perspective to help you break the cycle of loneliness.

Your lonely feelings may be due to an underlying condition, such as depression. Depression may cause you to isolate yourself and might leave you wanting to stay in bed or at home for the majority of the day. Online therapy allows you to have care from the comfort of your home. Although you may be spending a lot of time at home, you can still find support by utilizing online therapy.

The efficacy of online counseling

Now more than ever, people are turning online in search of a convenient way to speak with a trusted therapist without having to leave the comforts of home. Recent studies show that electronically delivered cognitive behavioral therapy was effective in “offering help to people experiencing distressing feelings of loneliness.” Participants reported “a significant increase in quality of life” as a result of using online therapeutical interventions.