How do I become less dependent in my relationship?

Thank you for your question. I can hear the honesty and pain reflected in your question. If I am understanding your question correctly, you are asking about how to know if your relationship has some codependency, and if relationship issues may show up in the future. 

True codependency is about feeling compelled (unable to say no) to take care of someone else, for your sense of peace. To having to be needed in that way by taking care of someone else. Their very identity is defined by this. 

Someone with relationship trauma may show signs of codependency or they may feel so uncomfortable with the idea of inter-dependency in a relationship. Healthy inter-dependency feels more like unhealthy dependency.  Sometimes the idea of depending on another person at all is scary.  On some level it is, but much less scary with someone who truly cares about what happens to you, how their actions affect you and values your trust. A person must be trustworthy to be worthy of you depending on them on any level. If they are emotionally healthy, they will want you to succeed, to make decisions that make you happy, and to apologize when they have hurt you or disappointed you. I think it is important to note a feature of codependency is the way both people interact in the relationship, it is about the dynamic between both of them. So while you may feel uncomfortable with healthy dependency, an important question to reflect on is: is this person supporting me as an individual, or do they need me for their own benefit? Do they respect you when you disagree with them?  Inter-dependence looks like both partners seeking input from the other person and then making a decision that they are most comfortable with and receiving support from their partner for their decision.

A therapist can help you learn about healthy relationships, boundaries, healthy inter-dependence in relationships, and empower you to make decisions based on what you need and want in a relationship.

No one knows what will happen in the future with our relationships. However, when you know that the support, affection and love are enjoyed and reciprocated by both of you, you can reasonably believe this will continue in the future. Communicate through the issues that come up and resolve conflict as it comes. Find a solution you are both comfortable with. Seek couples counseling if issues or disagreements increase in frequency or are not coming to a resolution.