Ask a therapist > Abuse > How do I cope with trauma?

How do I cope with trauma?

I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for a long time now. I grew up with an alcoholic father and I've witnessed many arguments between him and my mother. It's a long complicated story, but this made me unable to process emotions properly and to establish healthy relationships or connections with people.
It also made me terrified of social situations and although I no longer witness the traumatic events, I still feel like I do. My coping mechanisms are not the best and it is really hard to keep myself on a healthy path. Sometimes it works, sometimes I relapse and I fall into awful depressive episodes. I just want to get better and recover from what I've been through.
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Asked by Mary
Abuse
Family
Answered
10/26/2022

Hello Mary,

It is very nice to meet you. You ask an excellent question. It sounds like you have been through a great deal in your life with your parents. You have insight into how these patterns have affected you into adulthood. This is also very common that we take childhood traumas into our adult lives. Codependency is also common in households in which one or both parents struggled with addiction issues. 

I would also want to know more about what your current relationship is like with your parents now? Are things still the same? Are they still together?

If you and I were working together in therapy, I would want to explore more about your background and what you experienced when you were growing up. From what you are describing, I do hear symptoms and signs of PTSD. Which is common with adult children who grew up with parents who struggled with substance abuse and domestic violence issues. I would want to explore more with you about your coping strategies, which you state are not healthy. What does that look like for you? Is it difficult for you to set boundaries with others? It is important for you to know that you do not have to be a people pleaser or do things that you don't want to do for others out of fear that they will not be happy with you or will reject you. You have a right to say "no".

I would encourage you to reach out for your own therapist to work with and process these traumas. Practice kindness with yourself. You are strong and the fact that you recognize that you do not want to continue to feel like you do shows that.

Focus on the things in your life now that you do have control over. Focus on setting firm and consistent boundaries with those around you, even with parents. You are entitled to feel safe and if someone's behaviors or actions cause you to feel unsafe, you are not obligated to keep them in your life.

Journaling is an excellent way to get these feelings and memories out. Surround yourself with positive outlets that feel good. Care for yourself.

I hope that you have found this information helpful. I wish you all the best moving forward on your journey.

(MA, LPC)