How do you start to thrive in life and not just survive after trauma?

Content/Trigger Warning: Please be advised that the article below mentions trauma-related topics that include relationship abuse that could be triggering.

Hello and thanks for reaching out to this platform.  It takes a great deal of strength and self respect to seek out help in this way. I hope you can acknowledge this strength in yourself as you move forward in your life.

It also takes strength to flee an abusive relationship.  This is not an easy thing to do, nor is it easy to make a living on your own and start to rebuild your life.  You have much determination and grit!

It sounds like you are wishing to heal, not just cope, with the trauma you've experienced in your life.  This is understandable, because in order to thrive, you will want to heal.  We can all learn good coping skills that help us when we feel activated to anxiety or sadness, that's of value to all of us.  Yet you've been through a great deal and it sounds as if you understand that your previous experiences remain within you to some degree.  That is the basis of trauma counseling, where those memories can be processed, understood and accepted (as having happened, not as being "okay"), so you can grow from them, learn and heal.  This type of therapy often involves talking about, even writing about, the trauma you've experienced.  It is powerful work.

Careful trauma counseling also involves understanding where you might be stuck.  We can all become stuck in life, by our own thinking patterns and negative thoughts.  Life experiences, particularly those that are traumatic, can lead to narratives in our minds that are not true, highly negative and cause us to feel threatened.  This is where work with those negative thoughts, through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, can be so valuable.  This type of work leads to skills that enable you to take care of not just your body, but your mind, and your soul.  We hope to clear the decks of your mind, free up your body and help you to understand and dismiss, so to speak, distortions of thought.  But you are not alone...we all can and do have thoughts that can keep us stuck to a degree.

I hope this is helpful.  All the best to you!