How can I deal with anger better?

Hi Manny! 

A pleasure to have you here; I am glad you are opening up yourself to becoming a better version of yourself and you are here to seek support. My name is Lorena Klahr and I am licensed marriage and family therapist.

I am curious to know more about your personal situation. Anger is an expression to an unmet need; so to say, it is a defensive coping mechanism for humans beings to express themselves when their expectations are not being met. It is important to know some of the symptoms and what they mean to us and the outside world as well to know what treatment to get.

Questions to understand your anger?

1) in the past week, what has triggered your anger?

2) what are ways in which people around you notice that you are angry?

3) think about when you experienced anger? what was the outcome?

4) thinking about your anger, what are healthy coping mechanisms that help you work through this?

I will give you a hint!

* Create a list of triggers and review them daily.

* The best way to deal with a trigger is to avoid it; this may take you to make changes to lifestyle, routine, friends, etc.

* because it is impossible to avoid all triggers, have a plan in case you face one.

* practice deep breathing; this is an excellent technique for managing emotions (inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4).

* keep an anger log: what was happening before the episode, what was in your mind, were you hungry, tired, moody?

* describe what happened and how you reacted? what events triggered your anger?

*what were your thoughts and feelings during the episode? looking back now, do you see anything differently vs the heat of the moment?

* utilize diversions to buy yourself time: play games, walk, eat healthy, sleep, be with friends, go out, etc.

* take a time out: which means taking a time off from exposing yourself to a moment where your anger will be triggered.

* know your warning signs: how do you know you are feeling anger? what are some of the emotional/ physical symptoms you are getting?

The reason why I am describing all of these techniques and questions is because this will let you navigate some of the things that are affecting you in the moment. In therapy we would go through this very carefully and I will also send some worksheets that do a very good job in explaining anger.

Lastly, I wanted to ask about your disability. How is this affecting you and how has this impacted your life?

Manny, I am here for you and to assist you through the process. I am very open to any follow up question/ feedback/ concern you may have. Please let me know how I can help further. 

Respectfully,

Lorena Klahr, LMFT