I have huge anger issues. I was wondering what would be some exercises I can do to help me out

Dear Coco 

I'm happy to hear you are ready to make a change and work on feeling less angry. Being angry takes a lot of our energy and time, so learning how to manage or eliminate it means you get more time to enjoy life and the experiences life has to give us. 

Anger is what I call a surface level emotion, meaning that it is bubbling at the top but it is not the actual emotion. Emotions that lie beneath anger are usually more vulnerable -- sadness, anxiety, fear, hurt, embarrassment, worry. If you think about some recent times that you have been angry, I would encourage you to try and identify what other (more vulnerable) emotions you are feeling. Anger is never felt by itself. And when people come to me saying they have an anger problem, I usually ask "So tell me why are you so sad". This often confuses people but I then explain what I wrote above - that anger is really about feeling vulnerable and not wanting to show that. Getting to the root cause of the anger is important to then we know how to fix it. Imagine if you had mouth ulcers all the time. You could apply a numbing gel and a mouth rinse. You could research medicines. But those are just masking the pain of the ulcer. Wouldn't you want to know what was causing them in the first place? If you found out you were allergic to dairy and that was causing the ulcers, now you can avoid dairy and no longer need to deal with the ulcers at all. This is a lot like working with anger. I can teach someone coping skills, breathing techniques and impulse control - but that just masks the anger and doesn't help us determine where the actual problem is. 

It would be important for you to explore your childhood as to what true emotions you are feeling. Where did you learn how to express anger? Who expressed anger in unhealthy/healthy ways around you growing up? What has your anger gotten you in life? Exploring this further and identifying the true emotion, gets you closer to relieving the symptom (i.e. anger). 

Many people feel anger as a result of feeling out of control or powerless. Anger is a mechanism to help us feel more powerful and more in control. Were there times you didn't have control over your circumstances? Or a time where you felt powerless? Working through these feelings will get you the best chance at managing your anger. 

Hopefully this gives you a new look at anger and where it stems from. We so often want to learn coping skills to deal with the anger in the moment, but really, that's just the bandaid. Get to the root of the problem! Best of luck!