Why anger ia secondary emotion?

Anger is a completely normal emotion that everyone experiences at different points in time. Emotions are important tools of communication for us as individuals. They can indicate when something is wrong, when a change needs to be made, when a boundary has been crossed, or inform us when something is important to us. Anger can even be a positive emotion in some cases. Without experiencing anger, we might tolerate harmful environments or relationships or stand idly by in the face of injustices.

Feelings of anger come up in different contexts and for different reasons, and while anger can be positive, many of us experience outside a helpful application. This makes it important to learn how to understand and cope with anger skillfully.

Anger is a secondary emotion that is often a “mask” for another emotion. For example, we may feel very sad about being treated badly by a romantic partner. We may feel angry about being wronged and lash out in anger, but when we examine the situation fully, we may notice that the pain of the maltreatment or hurtful words is the real emotion. I explain to my clients that it is often easier or even more socially acceptable to be angry and react in anger than curl up in a ball and cry in pain.

It can be uncomfortable to feel fear or sadness. It isn’t easy to speak up and say, “I feel afraid!” It can be vulnerable to share or experience the fear or sadness we may be having as a response, at which point we avoid this by inviting anger in. Anger may reinvigorate you from sadness to action; it can increase a sense of control and power instead of fear or the vulnerability of sadness or uncertainty.

Really resolving situations and learning from them involves understanding the emotions we experience. When feeling anger, take a bit to consider your anger. Think back through the situation and ask yourself what other emotions may be involved? Is there another emotion that is more uncomfortable than anger? The move from sadness or fear and anger is subconscious and not something that we’re always aware of, which means taking a few minutes to explore the other emotions involved is necessary.

By addressing the underlying emotion through identification and processing, anger may be lessened, and you will uncover new tools for relating to and managing your anger. Determining the primary emotion can help you map out the best way to address the situation. This can help reduce anger, break the habit of leaping to anger as a habit, and help you resolve issues that may impact how you see yourself, the world, and others.