Why can you love someone but not treat them the way they deserve to be treated?

Relationships are such a complex concept. There is so many things that go into a relationship, especially romantic relationships. When it comes to relationships and the way we treat others, there can be so many reasons for what we do. For the most part, I have seen that the way we treat others can stem from our previous relationships whether they are romantic, platonic, professional, or familial.  Additional reasons for the way we treat others can stem from past trauma, additional mental health diagnosis, or just the inability to manage our own anger and emotions.

Discovering the root of the issue is a personal journey, one that you would take in order to find that reason. That process can be difficult to start because it can be scary, nerve wracking, or anxiety producing for some to engage in therapy. But I assure you, once that original discomfort fades, it is a journey that is worth it when you are ready for it. It takes some time to be comfortable enough with therapy but therapists are trained professionals that will assist you with this journey. A strong therapeutic connection is important for success also.

In your case, it is possible that the anger itself is not the concern. But how you are managing and expressing your anger. It appears that your specific reactions tend to be verbal and you seem to not always mean what you say. There is regret and there is remorse, therefore there is an understanding that the things that you are saying hurt your partner. Which for some, that can be a sign of hope that change can be made. So it appears that some anger management skills are needed in order to reduce those impulsive outbursts. Also, some assessing on what the natures of the conversations are and what the triggers are for these outbursts. 

I would highly recommend in engaging in therapy in order to go into further detail about your concerns and how life has shaped you to the person you are today. I do believe some anger management skills, coping skills, trigger identification, and the introduction of better communication skills can assist with addressing the root of your concerns.