Why do I have so much aggressiveness and jealousy? How can I work on that and overcome it?

Usually when reactions such as aggression occurs, either emotionally or physically, it is due to factors that therapists like to call triggers. That just means that there is something going on in a situation that makes you feel angry, afraid, sad, worried, stressed, overwhelmed, or other types of emotion.  Aggression is most often associated with anger, but anger is not always the root cause.

You mentioned that he has a history of lying to you. If that's the case, then you're likely to question the things he says. You also mentioned jealousy, which implies that maybe the lying has been about what he has done with other people without being honest with you about it. Most people in their relationships need their partners to be honest so that they can forge a bond of trust.

If you have been lied to in the past, then you may question things that are said now, even if they are sometimes true. There is no sure-fire way of building trust except him being honest and you feeling like he's being honest, and that happening for enough of a length of time that you have decided he's not lying anymore. But with a history of lying, it's natural that you would wonder whether he was lying now too.

Because of the natural lack of trust, if he goes out with people and you're not sure what his intentions are, it's also natural to have negative feelings such as jealousy, and for that to make you act intensely.  That doesn't mean that it's okay to keep it that way, but it does mean that his actions are contributing to your negative feelings.    

There are a several things you can do to minimize the negative impact of all of these circumstances, including becoming more aware of your feelings in the moment, taking specific steps to handle your feelings in the moment, taking extra time by yourself to prepare how you think about your feelings and your relationships, and setting boundaries that help you feel better about your relationships.

In order to become more aware of your feelings in the moment, you can do something like keeping a journal of your feelings that you write in at least once a day or more. You can take a specific time to do so each day, and if you're feeling particularly intense at some point in the day, do it then as well. Doing so will remind you on a more regular basis the kinds of thoughts and emotions that you are having.   

Another step you can take, especially as you become aware of intense feelings, is to tell yourself that you're feeling intensely. If you want to substitute the words "angry," "upset," "jealous," or whatever, the same thing applies. A practice related to this one is to excuse yourself as soon as you can and get some space to begin dissecting those thoughts or emotions. The sooner you do so after you begin feeling them, the better.  Excusing yourself is called a "time-out" by therapists.

Dissecting just means asking yourself to come up with detailed answers about who, what, when, where, why and how the feelings are happening, almost as if you are a reporter interviewing yourself about the incident. If you find out answers to these types of questions, you are closer to identifying your triggers.

Finally, if you feel trapped in a conversation and cannot easily excuse yourself, just remember that you dont have to speak. You have control over your bodily functions, and so you can operate them how you decide. Best practices for conversations that are intense would involve minimizing criticism, defensiveness, acting contemptuously or stonewalling. Sometimes, it is so difficult to avoid these that people take time-outs until they can handle them.

One way to minimize them is to participate in behaviors that are the unlike the negative ones, so that you don't go down a negative trail. Criticism can be avoided by talking about how you feel when something happens instead of pointing out what they are doing wrong.  For example, "I feel jealous when I notice you having fun with other people.  I know it sounds a little smothering, but I can't help it right now."  Defensiveness can be countered by accepting responsibility for things that you may be responsible for, or at least acknowledging whatever is being said by your partner as being a valid feeling.  Stonewalling and contemptuous talk can also be avoided by managing your energy and feelings during the conversation.

Really, taking any of these steps should help a little. The more you make deliberate actions part of your process in thinking and communicating, the better you will likely feel.