Ask a therapist > Anxiety > How can I adjust to my boyfriend recently becoming a police officer?

How can I adjust to my boyfriend recently becoming a police officer?

My boyfriend of 5 years recently became a police officer & I am having a hard time adjusting to his inconsistent schedule, as I am someone who needs routine/a plan for everything. We also don’t see each other as much since our schedules don’t line up, so I feel like we’re not as close as we used to be. I also have anxiety when he’s at work (mostly when he works nights) & it causes me to not sleep. I have tried lots of things to ease the anxiety but I haven’t found anything that helps.
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Asked by M
Anxiety
Worry
Answered
05/09/2022

HI M,

 

Being a police officer in this day and age is difficult and trying to say the least. Being an intimate partner for a police officer is even more difficult given that they have to worry about the unknown that their intimate partner the police officer goes to every day. His schedule, especially if he is new, will not be very consistent as he will be needed where they have spots that need to be filled. Right now, the misfortune of being an intimate partner is that some of your time will not be as readily available as it was recently until he has time in (about at least one year depending on the location). To have a consistent schedule or routine will be hard for him to have. It would be best that you talk with him and be supportive in this endeavor. If you work, you may have to find employment that will eventually match his to be able to share time together. I sincerely would also seek out assistance with spouses/intimate partners of other police officers for support. Speaking to them will assist you in easing some of your anxiety.

 

I certainly would advise you to seek counseling either here at BetterHelp or any other ancillary providers to help address some of your anxiety, as well as have some couple’s counseling sessions to help bring up communication to voice your concerns as well as work on your relationship. The key to a good relationship is to have trust and communication, and this will be a trying time for both of you to maintain, but also grow from if you obtain the right form of guidance and direction.

 

M, there are several ways to help ease your anxiety which I can suggest (meditation, journaling and possibly seeking a temporary prescription) that may help at this time before finally being able to build the coping skills to address the anxiety of your boyfriend’s new hectic career. You have taken the first step into finding a better way to address your struggles as well as be able to build your relationship in a positive and strong light from this. The next step is to be able to be guided properly to do so. I hope you find a therapist that will fit you in finding that way. I do wish you and your boyfriend the best, and hope that you both will grow stronger from this experience and have a long and happy relationship.

 

Warmly,

(MA, LPC, NCC)