How can I become better at managing my emotions specifically when I am trying to learn new things?

Thank you for reaching out with your question. I am sorry that you are experiencing some difficulties right now in your life.

First, congratulations on your new assignment in your workplace. What a great new adventure and best of luck with it!

You note that you sought out a new challenge, particularly in order to grow yourself. You are demonstrating great initiative in this and that indicates you possess strength and fortitude. These are attributes worth reminding yourself of as you’re thinking about what you’re dealing with at present. You have the ability to take on challenges and meet them head on!

All change, even good change, can be stressful. So, it is totally normal and expected to feel these feelings right now. It would be unusual to not be nervous and unsure and a bit overwhelmed. It’s a natural human reaction.

Fortunately, there are some things you can do to help you get through all this newness and overwhelm.

From your description it sounds like you tend towards being a more sensitive individual. There are many positives to being this type of person. In particular, such persons usually have a complex and rich interior life. Also, they tend to be more aware of subtleties and certain nuances which other people might not even recognize. And they are usually highly empathetic, meaning they are also far more in tune with and impacted by the emotions of others. 

Hence, there is a tendency towards becoming over-stimulated and overwhelmed. A more sensitive person will process far more information from the surrounding environment and from other people they come in contact with. As such, you are trying to process things others never even give a thought to. So, yes – that can certainly be overwhelming!

Consider some of the following suggestions.

Focus more on the things you can control. It is very easy for your mind to gravitate towards all the very many things which are out of your control. Our minds are heavily wired towards a negativity bias. In other words, your brain and body are constantly on alert for anything and everything that could harm you. This alarm system is great in that it works to keep you safe. But sometimes it becomes too much of good thing.

So, make an attempt to think about what you’re facing. Decide what you can control versus what you cannot. Make a conscious decision to focus on the things you have power over. It can, at first, seem to be an easier said than done task. But practice will be key. The more you practice letting go of the uncontrollable, the better at it you’ll become.

Another idea is to try challenging your assumptions more. We tend to have thousands of thoughts running through our minds each day. Many are not true. What you can begin to do is, first, start paying more attention to what thoughts you’re having. Maybe even keep a thought record for several days. When you feel some anxiety come up, for example, pull out your record. Make note of what the situation is, what emotions you are feeling, note any sensations in your body, and then also consider what thought pops into your head.

Then, once you have identified them, you can begin the process of challenging and potentially debunking those thoughts. Ask yourself “what is the thought?” “Is that thought true?” How do I know it is or isn’t?” “What’s my evidence for it?” And then “could something else be true?” It’s like putting your thoughts on trial in a courtroom.

There’s also a grounding technique you can also practice in the moment when you’re overwhelmed. It’s a method that can help distract you and calm you down. It’s the 5-4-3-2-1 strategy. You will account for all five of your senses. Wherever you find yourself, take in the environment and then do the following:  

Label 5 things you can see in the room (notice color, shape, size, etc)

Label 4 things you can touch (and actually touch them if you can, noticing their texture)

label 3 things you can hear (stop and give a listen)

label 2 things you can smell (is the smell pleasant or not?)

label 1 thing you can taste (if you have the opportunity to taste what catches your notice, then go for it and describe what the taste is)

Pay attention to your posture, too. Our body position can send lots of differing signals to our brain depending on our stance. There is actually an entire segment of psychology which is entirely focused on studying the interconnectedness of mood, brain, nervous system, and the body. Notice how your mood can shift when your shoulders are slumped forward and inward versus when you stand tall with your shoulder down and pulled back. Take a moment and give it a try. Throughout your day, aim to engage in more “powerful” postures. Try to keep your head up and your chest out. Stand tall and do your best to put yourself in a more confident position. It will send a signal to your brain.

Finally, engage in some self-care. This will look different for everyone. For one person, it means taking a hot bath and reading a good book. For another, it will mean putting on energizing music and going for a walk in the park. Or it could look like meeting up with a friend to talk things out while indulging in a nice meal. Whatever you decide on, this is an extra stressful time for you. Plan out what you’ll do and when to take care of yourself. Be mindful of the basics, too, like getting enough sleep, exercising, and making sure you are eating well.

If you continue to struggle and feel you need extra support to work through these habits, then consider reaching out to a therapist. A therapist will work with you to gather more details about what’s happening for you and will help you come up with and practice some new skills and strategies.