How can I control my social anxiety?

Thank you for asking this question! I think you are shining a light on something so many of us experience and this question offers up a chance to talk about a few different things that might be going on. First, I want to say that this answer is no substitution for working one-on-one with a therapist where you can discuss anything affecting you more in-depth. 

Social anxiety is common, but it is not the same for everyone. You may feel comfortable in front of a classroom, but dread parties; whereas, your friend hates talking on the phone, but loves her weekly tennis classes. The point is that this is going to look different for everyone and it is important to try to figure what situations trigger the anxiety for you. Try figuring out your most dreaded situations and why it is you feel that anxiety in those moments. Is it fear of judgment, not being liked, appearing foolish? 

Next I recommend working to challenge these thoughts. Working with a licensed therapist who is trained in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a great way to get some practice and help with this skill. If that isn't an option, you can practice this on your own by asking yourself to do some fact-checking for your thoughts. Here are some sample questions - How many times have you been at a social gathering and not said something dumb? What is the worst case scenario? Has anyone else ever said anything you thought was kind of silly? How did you react? What would you say to a friend? 

Remember none of this changes overnight and you will likely continue to experience some amount of anxiety as you try out this skill in different situations. You can roleplay with people you trust, try out your favorite relaxation technique before these events and keep practicing As I mentioned earlier, working with a licensed therapist can help provide specific insight into your situation and work to develop coping skills alongside you so that you feel confident in these situations. 

You mentioned you are getting a PhD, which makes me wonder if you might have a bit of imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is a common thorn in the side of high achievers which can cause them to worry about being "caught" as a fraud or found out for not being as successful as they are. This may be something you want to additionally discuss with a therapist or do some additional research on.

Wishing you all the best,

Amanda