how can i deal with my thoughts in a healthy manner?

Hi, and thanks for reaching out for help.

Having read what you wrote, I understand that you are going through some endings at the moment; at work and with your partner. These are causing you anxiety and to feel discouraged about the future. From this situation are coming thoughts which you would like to deal with in a healthy manner. I'll explain what I understand to be a helpful way of dealing with such thoughts.

In my view, I would see those thoughts as messengers, telling us what is going on for you at a deeper level. Therefore, if we can accept them and find out what their message is, they can help us. To ignore the thoughts or to medicate ourselves (or self-medicate) is likely, in my experience, to make such thoughts stronger as they seek to be heard by us, and perhaps they become more extreme too, to get us to pay attention to them.

I suggest instead to become aware of them - for example you can start a thought diary, a journal where each day or whenever you like, write down the thoughts that you are having. Get yourself a notebook, a pen or pencil and have it somewhere convenient, and when it works for you, start writing. Describing thoughts as they are, uncensored, no matter how uncomfortable, just writing down some words to describe those thoughts. Keep the journal for yourself, this is for you only, although you might find it helpful to explain some material with a therapist. In this way you will be starting to accept the thoughts as they are and by becoming familiar with them, they will have less shock value, less power to disturb you.

Then you can start a dialogue - what might be behind a particular thought? Why is this troubling me? Is there anything I can do now, that would help me feel better? Are there people or resources around me now that could assist me with this? By taking action and listening to those thoughts you can start feeling more in control, more responsible. Those thoughts are no longer in control, you are!

With best wishes

Clement