How can I improve my self-confidence?

Thank you for reaching out and for submitting your questions. Congratulations on your new leadership position. It is understandable to feel some anxiety in a new role. I am sorry this has been overwhelming for you, but I am glad you are seeking to support to alleviate the situation.

This type of experience is quite common. In the workplace, there are many people who doubt and don’t believe in their abilities. Even if this is entirely untrue and they are very competent, they find themselves plagued by feelings of low self-confidence and a constant sense of anxiety and worry.

Most likely you could quickly list out all the ways you feel you are not good at your job. But there are many reasons why you are there. There are reasons why you were hired. And there are reasons why you are still there. Also, finding yourself promoted into a new role likely means there is something to recommend you. So what are those strengths? You must have some positive attributes or else you would not be in the position in which you now find yourself. What are they? Make an actual list of these qualities. Write down everything you can think of. Include your best qualities in the workplace. Also, include your personal attributes and strengths. Keep this list handy and keep referring back to it. Add it to whenever you can. Take it a step further too – make note anytime someone at works makes a favorable comment about you or about the work you’ve done. Make a “brag” record. Your boss sends you an email telling you that the report you submitted looked great? Print that out and put in the “brag” file – which you can later pull out to remind yourself.

Keep in mind that it is very easy to aim for perfect. You will never achieve perfect. Instead, you want to reach for good enough. Do your best, of course. But understand that if you try to hold yourself to perfection you will always fall short – because nothing and nobody is going to achieve this impossible standard. You will fall short every time. As will anyone who aspires to be perfect. Do your best. That is truly all you can do.

Think about who could be in your support team. They don’t have to work with you. We benefit from having others to confide in. Talk about your worries and concerns. Sometimes it can help just to be able to talk things out. A colleague can be a resource and might be able to offer some helpful insights. A colleague can be a great help in these situations. Express your concerns and ask them for some actionable advice. The benefits of this include getting actionable input, but it also shows you have initiative, a drive to improve, and are conscientious about professionalism. A friend or relative who is outside of work can also potentially offer objective feedback. Perhaps a situation isn’t about you, but perhaps it is more about a bigger issue within your company that only an outside can more accurately point out. 

If your lack of confidence in your new role is related to a lack of skill, this is easily addressed. Now is the time to fill in those gaps. What is it you need to learn? What might you want to improve on? A lack of knowledge can absolutely contribute to anxiety. If you are not accustomed to performing a task, then patience and practice will eventually ease some of the nervousness. Be sure you seek training, feedback, and extra help as needed. Nobody expects you to know your new role as if you’ve been doing it for years. They are more than likely expecting you to have questions. 

If you find that you continue on with work and these feelings don’t go away, then it could be a good time to seek out a therapist. Also, if you believe these traits have followed you around for most of your life, and may even by impacting you in other areas of your life, then a therapist can help you make a plan to make some changes. In therapy, you will be able to work cooperatively with a therapist to identify some barriers that may be making it hard to build confidence. And a therapist can work with you to come up with some individualized strategies you can experiment with to move forward in a new, better way. It is entirely normal to have fears when beginning a new job or stepping into a new role at your current workplace. But these fears don’t have to linger and don’t have to negatively impact your performance or overall mood. Anytime we encounter a major change in life, anytime we step into something new and unknown, it can be scary. It can absolutely help to have a therapist there to open up about concerns with. In therapy, you can make a plan for how to make things different.