How do I push through anxiety and self sabotage?

Hi Eric! Thank you for reaching out to BetterHelp with your question regarding coping more effectively with anxiety and self-sabotage.

Not being able to enjoy important and exciting events in your life due to anxiety is no fun! Thankfully, there are a few simple techniques you can put into practice to help combat this! 

1) I am sure you have heard this a thousand times, but I am telling you, there is a reason you see this so much when looking up anxiety-reducing techniques. That is... mindful breathing! When we feel stressed, anxious, you name it, our breathing changes. Oftentimes, we don't even realize it. This "stress/anxious breathing" sends feedback to the brain that we need to brace for more stress. Basically, your breathing just put your body into full fight or flight mode.

So intentionally take a deep breath! (or a few) Taking a few deep breaths will help center you and allow you to refocus which will slow down your body's stress response. I tell clients to breathe to the tune of one of their favorite nursery rhyme songs. Imagine breathing to Mary Had a Little Lamb. Don't laugh... it's effective! :)

2. At the moment when you start feeling anxious or you notice your body freezing up, stop and ask yourself, "what thought am I having that is causing me to feel this way?" You may not even realize it, but your thoughts create your feelings. So start by identifying the thought. Once you have the thought identified, ask yourself the following three questions:

• Am I basing this thought on fact or feeling?
• Is there any evidence to support this thought?
• Is this thought helping or harming me?

You see, our thoughts are not always true. With how our mind works, we simply don't stop to question our thoughts most of the time and accept them as being true. So if your answers to the three questions are, "Feeling.. no evidence.. and harmful," I am going to encourage you to let that thought go!

3) Lastly, have compassion for yourself. I realize that this is easier said than done. Know that everyone experiences this type of thing sometimes. You are not alone. Be intentional with becoming more conscious of your thoughts and questioning the ones that are leading you to "freeze up" or cause anxiety.

I really hope this helps a bit!