How do I stop overthinking about every situation I'm in?

Hello and thank you for submitting your question. I am sorry you are experiencing this challenge in your life right now.

Thinking is something we all do. And it can be a good thing. It can be vitally necessary in many instances. In fact, there are many times in life when taking the time to be thoughtful, to think more, helps us tremendously and is vitally important.

But overthinking? That definitely can become problematic and can get in our way. It can stop you from taking action and keep you getting things done. It can wreak havoc on your emotions and bring down your mood. It can impair your relationships. It can make you feel overwhelmed and stressed out. It can also lead to muscle and body aches, tension, and overall general pain in the body. Some may experience headaches or digestive issues because of it. In chronic, long-term cases there can be issues with premature aging, a compromised immune system, heart disease and other conditions. It really can do quite a number on your emotional and physical health if left unchecked.

Overthinking makes thinking productively and clearly much harder – if not nearly impossible. Maybe you worry about the future. Often, this means making predictions, usually catastrophic ones, which quite likely will never come to pass. Or you get trapped ruminating and dwelling over the past. Perhaps both.

Overthinking can be a symptom of anxiety, stress, or depression. It can be a challenging habit to break. But you can get better and things can certainly improve. Practice will be helpful as you won’t change this pattern right away.

Being aware that you have a tendency towards overthinking is actually a really great place to be and is a good first step. After all, you cannot change something you don’t acknowledge. Before we can change a habit we need to be aware it even exists. Catching yourself when you get caught up with overthinking is a moment of awareness that will help facilitate change.

Often, overthinking is deeply rooted in fear. We begin getting very focused in on all the many things which could go wrong. And when that occurs we find that we get stuck. We can’t seem to take action. We get paralyzed by the endless loop of thoughts. We get frozen in place. The next time you notice that loop of overthinking settling in over you, consciously hit the pause button. Notice if you are thinking about all that could go wrong. Are you having lots of negative worries flooding in? Take that moment to switch over to using your powers of thinking to come up with all that could go right and all the positives. Find some alternatives. Switch gears, so to speak.

Another trap an overthinker is susceptible to is perfectionism. We have to be perfect. Everything we do has to be perfect. Here again comes a lot of worry and fear. But perfection simply isn’t possible. And it might take reminding yourself of that over and over. And then over and over some more. Be patient with yourself if you find you are always waiting for perfection. Perfect is not going to happen. And expecting it can be debilitating. Progress and good enough are much better goals. They are more realistic and far more practical to aim for. Don’t keep striving for the perfect outcome. Identify instead good, reasonable solutions.

One option is to give yourself some scheduled worry and thinking time. Set a boundary around it. During the time you can think and mull and stew and ruminate all you’d like. You are not going to overthink and worry all day non-stop. Pick maybe 20 minutes where you will sit and process things. Get some pen and paper. Or sit at your computer. List out all the things which need to be thought about. Write about them. What are they? How do they make you feel? What can you do about them? What is out of your control? Get it all out and when your time is up then it’s time to move on. It can be a good idea to plan an enjoyable, relaxing activity post get-out-your-thoughts session. If you begin to overthink during your day outside your scheduled time, just remind yourself to get back on the task at hand and make a note if need be that you will get to think about things later.

Keep in mind that you are not a fortune teller who can flawlessly predict or control the future. The only thing you can control is the present. If you spend all of the current day worrying about what may or may not happen in the future you end up robbing yourself. This doesn’t mean you can’t think and plan. But doing it in excess ends is never productive.

Try to challenge the negative thoughts you have. We all have them. Many are untrue. So check in and see how many of yours could be false. Consider the thought. Ask – is that true? How do you know it’s true? What is the evidence for and against it? What else could be true? Try your best to take a more balanced approach.

If this continues to be a struggle it really is worth considering seeking out help from a therapist. The BetterHelp platform is a great option and there are many wonderful, skilled therapist able to offer support. You might also be able to find some local resources which might suit your budget better if that’s a concern.