I'm looking for a list of actions to do/not do to help support a partner with OCD

Hello W,

Thank you for your question. I commend your desire to be a support to your partner who is struggling with their OCD symptoms. First, I want to say that you are not your partners therapist; you are their partner who loves them.

With that said, there are things you can do and things you should avoid that can be helpful for your partner. One, be careful to not accidentally enable the symptoms. As much as you want to support, you should not be making big changes to your home, your routines, or your behavior just because your partner struggles with OCD. It may be tempting for example to follow any strict rules, etc your partner may have as that feels like you are helping them to experience less anxiety; however, this may reinforce your partner’s OCD. In the real world, it’s virtually impossible to eliminate everything that could possibly trigger OCD. Attempting to do so enables your partner to avoid sitting with uncertainty and learning to cope with and manage their OCD.

Though you do not want to engage in enabling behaviors with your partner, you do want to try and help your partner learn to be more self-aware. You can do this by keeping an eye on the compulsions your partner habitually performs, asking your partner about their feelings and emotions, encouraging your partner to regularly “check-in” with themselves and self-monitor, and watching out for their avoidance behaviors (such as not getting out of bed) and lovingly and gently coaching them to not engage in those behaviors. If your partner is avoiding specific activities and situations, it is helpful to encourage them and remind them of the importance of trying to push themselves not to.

Mostly, what you can do is encourage them to seek out therapy and if they are in therapy to encourage them to actively participate in their treatment. You can also become an active participant in their therapy process and can learn how to help your partner with their exposure to their anxieties. 

I also encourage you to reach out to a local support network such as NAMI or to reach out to a therapist for yourself. Navigating your partner's OCD can be challenging and having a therapist of your own can help provide a space to express the emotions that come up for you as you seek to help your partner.

Try and take care of yourself as you seek to care for your partner. Thank you again for your question. I wish you and your partner well.