Why do I feel like I'm not fully present with reality?

Lately I haven't felt like myself. I feel like I'm not fully present with my surroundings. I feel like I'm just going through the motions and I don't know how to come back from it.
Asked by Jake
Answered
05/16/2022

Hi Jake,

Thank you so much for reaching out to BetterHelp.  I appreciate your willingness to reach out for additional support.  I applaud you for taking this step to better yourself.  It is often very difficult for many people to take this step and want to change for the better.  I hope to help give you a staring point so you can be more emotionally present.  You will see techniques from mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy below.  Those are often best practices to help with your concerns.  Let's get started!

I would like to make some recommendations to help to diminish the intensity of your distressing thoughts:

-4 square breathing.  Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds, then exhale through your mouth for 4 seconds.  Do this 4 times.  You can do this more than 4 times if you do not feel a sense of relaxation and calm.  This can help you clear your thoughts.

-5 senses.  Take a look around you.  Notice what you hear, see, smell, touch, and taste?  This is a grounding activity that can help you orient yourself to the present instead of worrying about the future or ruminating about the past.  The advantage of doing this exercise, is that you can do this without anyone noticing you.

-Exercise.  Go for walk, run, or any type of physical activity.  Try to engage in at least 30 minutes for 3 to 4 times per week.  This can help to manage your mood and emotions.  Sometimes, just taking a step away for your current environment can be helpful.  Return to what you were doing once you feel more calm and at ease.

-Reframing.  Pay attention to when you are having negative thoughts.  Where do these thoughts come from?  Did someone say these exact words to you in the past?  Perhaps, these words no longer apply to you now.  Or maybe, the person who said it to you does not understand your stressors and struggles?  Think of ways you can be kinder and more forgiving towards yourself.  Maybe, the situation is not so bad after all.  Take the time to reflect, think, and then act.  Hold off from making a judgment call or act upon something right away.  We generally do not have to make life and death situations on a regular basis.  

-Self care.  Engage in activities that help you soothe.  This can be getting a massage, talking to a friend, and/or playing with a pet.

-Assumptions.  Be mindful of making assumptions.  We can be inaccurate in "reading others," especially when our minds are clouded with anxiety.  Take notice of what was said and try not to mind read (or try to insert your thoughts into others).  

-Triple P.

Permanent: The intense feelings of anxiety will not be a permanent state.  They tend to come in waves and you can ride the wave until is "hits the shoreline."  Once get through the intense part, you are likely to feel more calm and it will be likely easier to breathe.  Try you best to ride the wave of intense feelings.

Personalization: Some comments from other may be general and have nothing to do with you or identify whether you are a good or bad person.  Know that every situation has its nuances.  Not everything said can or will apply to us.

Pervasive: This may apply in a situation where you started off with a "bad morning."  Your expectations and tone for the day may be negative.  You might be expecting the rest of the day to be terrible because of the start of the day.  For example, your car did not start or you spilled coffee on your shirt.  These incidents do not indicate you will have a terrible rest of the day.

-Probability versus possibility.  Compare and contrast the difference between the two.  For example, is it possible for you to hit by lightning?  What is the action probability of it happening to you?  Chances are, the probability of it really happening to you are relatively low.

-Will it matter in the future?  Examine what you are feeling stressed out about.  Will how you feel and think about your situation right now really matter in the next 5 years, 10 years, or 15 years?  It is highly unlikely what you are worried about will carry over for a long period of time.

Please take your time to explore the suggestions above.  There are starting points to help get you started.  If one suggestion does not work, try it again or try another one.  Either way, do not give up.  You deserve to be happy and it is possible.  

You have the option to select me as your counselor.  I would be delighted if you opted to work with me.  I would be more than happy to provide you additional supports, suggestions, and techniques to help you make progress towards your goals.  I can address any questions or concerns you may have.  I am looking forward to hearing from you and working with you.  Again, thank you so much for reaching out to BetterHelp.  Your question is greatly appreciated.

Best,

Jeannie Meyers, LCSW

(LCSW, 74817)