Why do I overthink every single detail of my life?

Hi Nichole! Thank you so much for reaching out for support on the BetterHelp platform! I appreciate you taking the time to ask this valuable question on the topic of over thinking and building trust with others. It is so great to see that you are ready to reach out for support on this topic and begin to ask these important questions for your self!

I see that you mentioned that you have been struggling with trusting other people. It sounds like you have been thinking that you can not trust anyone in your life. Can you recall the last time you that you had been able to fully trust somebody? What would need to change in your life in order for you to begin to trust other people again?
I know that you mentioned that you are constantly "waiting for the other shoe to drop." From my perspective, it sounds like you are always expecting the worst to happen. If that is the case, that means that you are always waiting for something bad to happen. I wonder if what you are experiencing is similar to the fear of impending doom, which is a clinically significant symptom of anxiety. I can tell that what you are going through must be impacting your current relationships with friends and family. This must be a very isolating experience for you. I can imagine that living in a constant state of guilt and worry can bring a lot of anxiety and added stress into your life. What have you been doing as a means to manage that stress?

I know that you mentioned that you feel like nobody actually loves you. Can you recall a time when you actually did feel loved? When do you think that belief that you are unloved had developed for you? A key question that you may want to explore is: how can you begin to love yourself? 

Self love is a very powerful tool to get better, feel better and, essentially, stay better. Try to take some time to practice daily positive affirmations, such as: "I choose to love myself today!" Positive self talk will likely benefit you in learning to support yourself and validate your own feelings and personal experiences.

You stated that you have been feeling afraid that your boyfriend could be cheating on you when you know, realistically, he is not doing so. That must be very difficult for you to make sense of. When did that intrusive thought start coming up for you? Has he actually cheated on you in the past? What can you do to establish more trust with him so that you will feel comfortable when he is not with you? Have you talked to him about this at all? Perhaps speaking to him sometime about this may be helpful for you to hear his perspective on this situation.

I definitely recommend that you engage in individual therapy services at this time. If you do not feel like you are ready, that is okay too. In therapy, you will be able to address the issues of low self esteem and trust with your therapist. It sounds like you generally feel like a failure and that you are not meeting the expectations in the roles that you have in your life. What are some strategies that have been helpful for you in the past to build self esteem? As a child, did you participate in any extra curricular activities that allowed you to feel good about yourself?

Perhaps you may want to take some time to practice mindfulness meditation exercises. If you are interested, you can look up guided meditation and visualization exercises online. A popular art therapy technique is called the Rose Bush guided imagery and visualization activity (Allan, 1988). In this visualization exercise, you may want to find a comfortable space and begin to imagine yourself as a rose bush. As the rose bush, what might your petals look like? What colors would your roses be? What unique features would your personal rose bush have? Imagine that, as the rose bush, you have all of the nutrients that you need (i.e. water, nutrient dense soil, sunlight, etc.). Imagine having a gardener care for you and prune your branches. Might you have some thorns to keep yourself safe? Your rose bush may have come a long way from a seedling to a full size plant. Imagine that, as the rose bush, your buds begin to blossom as the sunlight shines on your petals and leaves. As the rose bush, visualize that you are in a safe, stable environment. You are exactly where you are meant to be.

Once you have taken the time to imagine yourself as a rose bush, try to draw what your rose bush may have looked like. If you do not feel comfortable with drawing, you may want to search for an image of your rose bush online. It is true that drawing, coloring, painting and other kinds of arts and crafts activity may be a helpful tool for building self esteem and enhancing the sensory experiences. The rose bush assessment will likely allow you to feel peace and integrate relaxation into your day.

Some additional ideas for you to try include: listening to music, exercising, cooking, traveling, making new friends, breathing in some fresh air, enjoying your time with family, helping someone in need, watching your favorite movie and writing a gratitude list. Do what works well for you!

Allow yourself or feel the feelings that you have because they are important. Allow yourself to change the thoughts that you have when they are not serving you in a healthy way. Always do your best to love yourself, care for yourself and think positively about yourself.

I truly hope that my response to your question has been helpful in some way. I want to thank you again for your time and I wish you all the best on your therapeutic journey on the BetterHelp platform!