Why is there difficulty in maintaining relationships with others?
Asked by Esme
Answered
12/21/2022
Why is there difficulty in maintaining relationships with others?
Typically, people have difficulty building relationships for fear of what people may think, lack of self-esteem and confidence, and other insecurities triggered by past relationship experiences. You may have safety behaviors that you engage in when being presented with certain social situations. Safety behaviors are the things you do when you feel nervous or anxious in a social situation that give you temporary relief, such as looking at your phone to avoid eye contact.
Overthinking is your way of preparing for what you think may happen, and sometimes overthinking leads to catastrophizing. To catastrophize means to think of the worst-case scenario and consider all the things that could go wrong. One outcome that gets in the way of building relationships is the fear of rejection. Rejection can trigger your internal thoughts and fears and create doubts about yourself. When facing rejection, you may feel like a failure and begin to experience shame which can impact you negatively.
Rejection does not mean something is wrong with you; instead, recognize that every relationship will not be perfect, and you do not have to connect with everyone you meet. Embrace and accept your differences and surround yourself in an environment that has encouraging and supportive relationships. It is easy to catastrophize and think of all the worst possible outcomes, leaving you hypercritical and hypersensitive. Stay present, focus on the information you know, and do not create outcomes that have not happened yet. It isn't easy to do this, but practice can help you improve. Going to therapy can also help you challenge the habit of overthinking.
Another thing you can do to manage the fear of embarrassment or rejection is to give yourself space to feel whatever emotions you feel and not judge why you feel that way. Many circumstances have led you to feel anxious and uncomfortable with rejection. Try to recognize and acknowledge your emotions, and then work through your feelings. Your emotions are notifications that something is wrong, so begin to listen to what you are telling yourself. Remember, as strong as your feelings might be, they are not facts; sometimes, your feelings can distort the reality of what is happening. Focus on your self-talk and notice when your thoughts are more negative, self-critical, and fearful. Being neutral can help you focus more on the desired outcome instead of the outcome you fear. Thank you for your question; you can learn more about safety behaviors through online research.
(MA, LMHC)