How do I deal with my loneliness when I have no one to talk to?

Hi Mita,

I think there's a lot you can do to help people be there for you in the way you need them to be. I don't know what's making you feel misunderstood--if you feel that people can't relate to your past experiences, or whether you have difficulty explaining your thoughts and feelings to other people, or whether you just haven't reached out to people who are capable of having the empathy and concern for others that you're needing. 

As a therapist, naturally I'm going to urge you to talk with a therapist, whether that be on this site or in person, as I think that what you're describing is really common--you're feeling a lack of support and need people to be there for you. Therapy can provide that support, and even more importantly, it can help you to learn skills to develop support. Maybe you can work on expressing your feelings to others, or maybe you can work on coping with situations from your past that make it difficult to form new relationships now. Maybe you can also make a plan as to how you can build support, looking at some new activities to participate in or how you can form stronger relationships with people who are already in your life.

The longer we are feeling lonely and isolated from others, the easier it can be to feel that others cannot be there for us, that we are incapable of being loved, or that we are simply misunderstood and no one could possibly relate to our thoughts and feelings. The reality is that we sometimes aren't looking in the right places and sometimes end up with a self-fulfilling prophecy, where, by convincing ourselves that no one can understand us or support us, we don't give others the opportunities to support us. We isolate and then feel lonely. And isolation isn't just physical isolation--it can also be keeping from others our thoughts and feelings, developing surface relationships with others, or being there for others always while not reaching out for help when we need it. 

So, in short, I do encourage you to look into therapy. It can give you some support, and it can also give you the tools to help develop long-term meaningful relationships with others.

Take care, and I hope you have a nice holiday!

Nichoals DeFazio, MRC, LPCC-S, LICDC