How do I deal with traumas so that I can have strong relationships and marriage?

Healing from trauma is a process that can vary from person to person. The most important part of healing from trauma is to address the shame trauma can place on us. Often times, when we go through a major trauma, we start to think that we deserved it or that we've been ruined because of the terrible thing we experienced. Healing from trauma means we need to look at this terrible experience through a perspective of compassion and understanding. 

Healing from trauma can also look like being vulnerable with people we trust. Not necessarily with the details of our trauma, but with the details of our feelings after we've gone through the trauma. If we can become more comfortable communicating our boundaries with our partners and friends, we develop more emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy is one of the ways we heal from trauma, because if we're able to give our vulnerable selves to others should receive affirmation that we are loved.

However, our present can often be filled with people who also have trauma, and because of this they also struggle with receiving and understanding the emotional intimacy we might give them. That's why learning to communicate effectively with boundaries ties in very closely to successful trauma work. By learning to set boundaries in your personal life while working independently on building confidence and self-compassion, you build yourself up in a more rounded way. It's difficult to feel loved after trauma if our relationships are hurting and it's hard to help our relationships when our trauma is drowning us. It makes sense to work on them together.

If we bundle boundaries and self-compassion together, we also need to bundle it with understanding where we came from. Being able to look at our parents and where they came from gives us objective information that we can utilize to help separate the traumatic event from our brain in the present. Once you're able to do separate the event in the past to the you in the present, traumas become linked to the past where they belong and you'll soon find, with treatment, you're better at living in the present.