Ask a therapist > Depression > How do I take my life in control and fight my anxiousness and sad moments?

How do I take my life in control and fight my anxiousness and sad moments?

I often feel nervous, I have trouble sleeping even though i'm always tired, I overthink and feel sad mostly when i'm alone at night not when i'm busy at work or with studies, I often catch my body being tense, especially when i'm interacting with people, I even stutter when i'm communicating even though I act as if I was an extrovert, people often drain me of my energy and I would rather be alone in my room and avoid plans. I also dream a lot about my late grandmother who passed away a few months ago or even my aunt who was like a mother to me that died a few years ago and wake up in tears. I really don’t feel like doing anything and I keep on procrastinating all tasks and chores. Honestly I feel like my life is a mess
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Asked by Robin
Depression
Anxiety
Answered
02/01/2023

Hi Robin,

Thank you so much for taking the time to ask this question; I am sure you are not alone in wanting to know a little more on how to take control back from anxiety and low mood. 

It sounds like there have been quite a few things that have gone on recently which are impacting on how you are feeling. Firstly, you spoke about your late grandmother who passed away a few months ago and then also your aunt who passed away a few years ago. It is really understandable that these emotions are coming up for you right now. 

When we feel low in mood or unmotivated it is really easy to fall into the trap of doing nothing. However, what we know is that when we do nothing, it just continues this cycle of low mood. We often wait for moments of inspiration or motivation, however motivation does not come before action. I would really encourage you to think about what gives you enjoyment and satisfaction within your week, or even what gave you that before, that you may be able to build back into your life - start small and slowly build this up. The reason I say this Robin is sometimes when we begin to build these things back, the motivation to do things does return too - and our mood then usually lifts as well. It sounds like at the moment you are either working or studying. 

With the tenseness that you are feeling and the nervousness/anxiousness I do wonder if something like mindfulness or meditation may be helpful to help your body relax and calm; we're in a constant state of arousal right now, waiting for the next thing to happen - the mind thinks it is being helpful at these times and keeping us safe, however it is also exhausting to constantly be there!

Your question Robin also makes me go back to the idea that within life we have the ups and downs, and it can be about navigating these times when they do come up rather than fighting them or trying to remove them. We are all human and we all have a range of emotions. What I tend to say to clients is - is what you are doing now workable for you with your long term goals and values in mind? 

It is understandable that when a lot is going on we go for the short term relief - which can be procrastination, not doing much, avoiding - however does this work in the long term? does it remove the anxiety or sadness? 

I would really recommend looking into therapy as well Robin to help you work alongside a therapist through these difficulties as it can hard to do it alone sometimes. 

I do hope that helps a little.

Best wishes,

Nikki