I don't know where to start I'm lost and scared and confused

Hello Ness! Thank you for your message and question. It sounds like you are having a hard time right now and not much (if any) of a support system to help you out.

What do people do when they are feeling alone, lonely, emotional, and unsupported? A lot depends on where you are located. That is something else I don't know. I don't know if you are in a rural area or a big city; if there are community support services or absolutely nothing at all. So right now, I think I need to concentrate on what you can do to help yourself.

1. Regardless of where you are located, you could potentially find some people through online forums with whom you could connect and find some support. I would encourage you to look for mental health support groups online. If you are in a bigger city where support groups are more prevalent, you might be able to find some groups that you could go to in person. 

2. If you are able to, I would encourage you to connect with a counselor -- whether it's one here at BetterHelp or elsewhere. It is important to find someone with whom you feel comfortable. If you prefer in-person counseling and your community provides those services, then I would encourage you to get that started. Many people feel so much better when they realize that they are not alone with their challenges. 

3. If you cannot afford to work with a counselor, perhaps you can connect with a faith-based support system. Again, not knowing anything about you, I have no way of knowing if you would be open to asking a Minister, or a Priest, or a Rabbi, or some other faith leader to help you. They might not be able to provide the services of a counselor but many times they still can provide some meaningful help. 

4. One thing you can do for yourself is to journal your thoughts and feelings. Many times, writing things down with pen and paper (as opposed to writing it on your phone) can help get some of those painful thoughts and feelings out of your head. Writing things down also helps us gain a little clarity about what is bothering us. We can see things from a different perspective when we write it down.

5. It is important to allow yourself to feel your feelings while at the same time not drowning in them. Our feelings are very normal -- all of them. The idea is to understand what your feelings are trying to tell you. They are messengers. Listen to your feelings and ask yourself, "What are my feelings telling me? What do I need right now?" While feelings can be uncomfortable, they don't hang around forever. So if we are able to acknowledge that we are feeling a certain way, understand the message, and then allow that feeling to dissipate on its own -- as opposed to fighting  it -- we will start to feel better. There is a saying, "What we resist persists." This means the more we fight our feelings, the more intense they will become and the longer they will hang around. On the other hand, if we simply accept that we are feeling a certain way right now but realize we won't feel like this forever, then we will start to feel better more quickly. Don't stuff your feelings. Don't run from your feeling.

6. A very good technique for dealing with painful emotions -- any emotions actually -- is called mindfulness. Mindfulness is going to be any practice that promotes our awareness of what is going on within our body and our mind in this very moment. We are not thinking about what happened yesterday or worrying about what might happen tomorrow. We are focused one hundred percent on what is going on with us right now. Some helpful mindfulness techniques include intentional deep breathing where you focus your attention on your breath, Yoga, Meditation, nature walking. DBT is a therapy that has helped people learn -- among other things -- mindfulness skills. You can find some You Tube videos about DBT skills that you might find helpful.

7. It can be helpful to learn about the situations that seem to trigger your painful emotions. Are there certain people, certain situations, certain words that will cause you to feel anxious or depressed or angry? If you know what triggers these feelings, you can be more prepared to handle those feelings when those triggers take place.

8. Another area to consider is your core beliefs and your thinking patterns. How we think about ourselves, others, and the world in general will have a huge impact on how we feel and how we handle our emotions. Learning to reframe our thoughts from worst case scenario to something more realistic can be very helpful. Sometimes, our expectations of ourselves and others are unrealistically high which causes a lot of frustration and maybe even anger. These thinking patterns can be explored and changed.

9. Of course, if you have experienced trauma in your life, then it is important to address that appropriately. Our bodies store memories of trauma and will respond to cues in the environment that tell our body that we are not safe -- even if we are. So understanding trauma responses and how to recognize and respond to those responses is also important.

This has been very general I know because I just don't know enough about you. I hope, however, that some of this information will be helpful to you. Thank you for taking the time to read my message.

Judi