I need help with perfectionism and burnout

Hello Pam,

Thank you for sharing and reaching out with your concerns which you listed as perfectionism and burnout. You did mention an issue with your mood being unstable which I am certain is a direct result of struggling to find appropriate ways to cope with your concerns. 

Some common causes of burnout which you may have been dealing with can be a sense of  lack of control, time management issues, a struggle with work-life balance and unrealistic expectations in work and in your personal life. Some quick suggestions on how to better manage burnout is to evaluate your options and expectations with management techniques.  Reflect on how you are dealing with burnout currently and is what you are doing serving you well? Could you try some other approaches to find better results? Also, seek support from friends, family and even here when you approached BetterHelp for input. It is okay to feel like you are not alone and collaborate with others to find more effective solutions. Try relaxation exercises and practice mindfulness. This allows you to be present and be more open, non judging, and patient with yourself. 

Lastly, you mentioned concerns with perfectionism.  Perfectionism is very common. Through being overly critical with yourself you reduce your self esteem and "open the door" to much anxiety, depression and obsessive compulsive behaviors. Perfectionists tend to beat themselves up all the time and procrastinate because whatever they will attempt will never be good enough. Some quick tips with learning  how to cope with perfectionism: try this "mind policing" exercise, try and pause when you realize that you are thinking a negative, perfectionism thought, write it down. Then, for this one negative thought,  think and say 3 positive or grateful thoughts or events, actions that have happened to you that day to reframe your thinking. For example, your negative self thought could be," I am never going to get everything done I needed to do today, I am just going to take off the afternoon and go home, forget about the rest of the day". Three positive reframes could be, "I feel rested and am doing my best today to accomplish the tasks on my to do list, "I have already accomplished XYZ today and am really on a roll-feeling good, let me come back and try again" "I am feeling distracted at the moment, I will give myself a 15 minute break and come back sharp and fresh in order to get more done and move on". 

To move out of the perfectionist trap way of thinking, pursue "Good Enough" thoughts. Every time you have a negative self talk thought, take a pause, than a deep breath, close your eyes and say an internal mantra:

I am enough

I am good enough

I give enough

By "re programming" the brain to reframe your negative looping through this mentioned mind policing activity and personal mantra exercise, you will begin to move away from fears and anxiety always haunting you and start to open yourself to different ways in thinking. Focusing on more positive than the negative. Giving yourself room to make mistakes, lower the pressure on yourself and find learning experiences more welcomed than before so you can experience growth.  Maybe even being more open to positive feedback from others and exploring how to process criticism better than before with this different mindset and perspective. 

This is just a few thoughts in regarding your question on how to attack your perfectionism and burnout.  There can be much more discussion on what would work best for you. Counseling is a journey of self awareness and doing what you need to live your best life. Thank you for reaching out Pam and I wish you the very best!

Debi~