How can I make friends without feeling social anxiety?

Hi, Anxious Mom.

 

Thank you for reaching out for help at this time.  I commend you for doing it because it is not easy.  You say you are dealing with social anxiety since giving birth and possibly due to the Covid-19 restrictions.  You say you feel guilty for not making friends with other mothers so your baby can have play dates.  I totally understand the predicament you are in.  Your social anxiety is creating social awkward moments in which you overly analyze yourself and comparing your behavior and action to those of the other mothers.  Your focus is inward, on what you are feeling and thinking rather on the actual interaction with the other mothers.  You find yourself unable to appreciate and enjoy the social gathering as a result.

 

In order to regain and maintain control over your emotions, namely anxiety, you need to deal with the negative thoughts you are having about your self-image.  Reframe your thoughts.  Typically, most new moms are talking about their babies and matters regarding their baby's growth and development.  These other moms' attention is not on you per se but getting to know you and your experiences while mothering.  The babies at these gatherings are the main event, not you.  This is supposed to be a time in which you and other moms get together, swap ideas on how to care for your baby, and share specific experiences mothering in which you may be questioning.  Your social anxiety is probably precipitated by the fact you are focusing on yourself and probably how you look and what other people perceive about you personally and the way you are mothering.  So, reframe it.  Say out loud and reminding yourself of the true, "I am here to share, swap ideas, and discuss my baby's milestone," when anxious thoughts arise to stop your negative, self-consumed thoughts.

 

Postpartum depression is real.  Some women experience postpartum depression after giving birth.  It is wise to seek a licensed professional to assess you for postpartum depression if you suspect you may be experiencing the symptoms. "Baby blues" as it is referred usually lasts ~10 days after you give birth, then subsides.  You have the baby you desired but oftentimes you didn't account for the stress and changes with your new addition to the family.  You may encounter changes in your schedule and life you didn't anticipate and as a result, experience sadness and feel overwhelmed with your new responsibilities as you get to know your baby and attend to your baby's needs. You may encounter some of the following symptoms if you are experiencing postpartum depression: mood swings, fear, sadness, unexplained crying, anxiety, irritability, and feelings of despair. You may feel that your world is going to fall apart.  Your treatment will be two-fold: counseling to address your mental and emotional reactions and medical treatment to heal your body. You need to reach out and stay connected to your support system such as family and friends who are understanding of your experience to help with your responsibilities so you can get rest and relaxation.  Exercise has been shown to help you feel better because the feel-good hormone, Endorphins, is released. It may also be helpful to incorporate your spirituality and the things you enjoy to help you feel better.

 

Just remember you did nothing wrong and shouldn't feel guilty for being sad after giving birth to your baby.  Postpartum depression very common condition.  You are not alone in your experience so search for postpartum depression support groups in your area and attend.  Overall, seek professional help from your doctor and follow through with your doctor's directives including counseling to recover.  Here are a few websites you may want to check out for support:  

https://momsoncall.com/ 

https://babyfriendlynl.ca/

https://www.apa.org/pi/women/resources/reports/postpartum-depression-brochure-2007.pdf

 

I hope this helps.