Ask a therapist > Family > How do I decide if I want another child?

How do I decide if I want another child?

I have a 4 year old son. he asks for a sibling often he’s a very sweet but very energetic child and I get very overstimulated and sometimes can’t picture me doing this again. I also had a very horrible postpartum that seemed to last forever. I cried almost every day and was anxious and it lasted for almost 2 years I can’t picture myself going through that again but I do feel bad for my son and watching him grow up makes me proud but sad to know I won’t have a baby version of him again & I sometimes think thanksgiving at my house with one kid will be boring lol but I can’t see myself going through the process again. I’m petrified to feel the same. my partner works 12 hours and the night shift sometimes so he’s gone often. I know this is a loaded question that only I can really answer but any tips on how I can go about making my choice or anything else. There’s also obviously pressure from my family to have another.

Thank you for your time!
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Asked by Dee
Family
Answered
01/29/2023

I understand that making a decision about having another child can be overwhelming and complicated, especially with the previous difficult experiences with postpartum.

Here are some tips that may help you make a decision that feels right for you:

1.  Take care of yourself first - It is essential to prioritize your own well-being.  Make sure you are taking care of your physical and mental health, and seek support if needed.  Consider seeking support from a therapist to process your past experiences and manage any current symptoms of anxiety or depression.

2.  Reflect on your values - Consider what is important to you and your family in terms of your goals, aspirations, and priorities.  This can help you determine whether having another child aligns with your values and what you want for your family.

3.  Communicate with your partner - Open and honest communication is key in any relationship.  Have an open and honest conversation with your husband about your thoughts, feelings, and concerns.  Listen to each other's perspectives and work together to make a decision that feels right for both of you.

4.  Assess financial stability - Having a child is a significant financial commitment, so it's important to consider your current financial situation and future financial goals.  Consider the cost of raising another child, including childcare, healthcare, education, and more.

5.  Seek outside support - Talking to trusted friends, relatvies, or seeking guidance from a therapist can be helpful.  You can also seek support from a postpartum support group if needed.  Having a support system in place can help you feel less alone and provide additional perspectives and advice.

6.  Consider alternative options - Explore other options that can fulfill your desire for a close sibling relationship for your first child, such as cousins, close family friends or other families in a similar situation.  Adoption or foster care can be alternative options to consider.

Remember, the decision to have another child is a personal one, there is no right or wrong decision and what is best for one family may not be best for another.  It is important to trust yourself and make a decision that feels right for you and your family, considering all relevant factors.

Take care.