What to Do When Family Cuts You Off?

Understand the situation

How to respond when being cut off by a family member will probably depend on this happening. Here are some questions you may want to start by asking yourself:

1. Is the family cutting me out to hold me accountable or set healthy boundaries?
2. Is the family cutting me out to encourage me to decide I don’t want to make it? Would making that decision possibly help me in the long term?
3. How is the family feeling? Are they feeling resentment, jealous, disappointed, betrayed, frightened, rejected, or hurt?
4. Is the family asking me to make a decision that is against my religious beliefs or values?
5. Have I done something to hurt someone? If so, when the family is ready, how might I make amends?
6. Have I disrespected my family’s boundaries in the past? Do they feel that this is the only option left after violating their rights or taking them for granted?

Respect boundaries

Even if we do not agree with the reasons for being cut out of the family, we should strive to respect boundaries if they are reasonable. Financial issues may arise, and we may want to talk with an attorney about how to proceed in addressing these.

Seek Support

Even if we do not receive it from a family member, we all need support, and we can receive healthy support in other places. Many people develop friendships that can be very close. A number of people for various reasons may have limited or no communication with their family, so there are a number of people looking to support themselves. Getting involved in new activities can be helpful to develop these friendships. However, if answering the above questions, you believe your family may be setting boundaries with you to help you (such as encouraging you to get mental health or substance use treatment, or to leave a violent relationship, etc.), discussing this with a professional and considering perspectives from other people outside of your family can be helpful. While mental health treatment will not be the same as a friendship, it can absolutely provide support.