What to do when family leaves you out?

The family is supposed to be your safe place. You expect unconditional love and acceptance from your family. Unfortunately, that is not what happened. Sometimes you are treated like you are not part of the family. There are situations where you are excluded from family events, and it hurts. You may question if these mishaps are unintentional, but the exclusion feels just as bad either way. You can’t just continue feeling bad forever; you need to recognize your feelings, talk to your family, focus on your worth, and spend time with others who value you. 

RECOGNIZE YOUR FEELINGS

Your hurt feelings are real and legitimate. You are probably feeling a mix of emotions, such as sadness, anger, and even confusion. Feel free to sit with those feelings and express them freely. Once you have released all the pain and sorrow, then you can look at moving forward. Holding in your feelings can be toxic; it can affect your self-esteem, cause you to lash out at the wrong people, and even make you physically sick. In experiencing your feelings, make sure you take care of yourself and soothe those emotional wounds.  

TALK TO YOUR FAMILY

As already stated, these exclusions could be unintentional. You never know what is going on with others unless you ask them. You can’t hold your family accountable if you never give them the chance to explain their behavior or a chance to make it up to you. You can talk to individual family members or speak with them as a whole, whichever way makes you most comfortable. It would help if you did not go into it casting blame but simply expressing how you have been feeling and your concerns. Use a lot of “I” statements. You want to be honest and open about what you have been feeling and experiencing and then allow them to respond.

FOCUS ON YOUR WORTH

Regardless of how your family responds to your feelings and concerns of being excluded, you have to know you are worth their love and support, whether they show it or not. You can use positive self-talk to remind yourself of all the wonderful things about yourself. Do something that you enjoy to make yourself feel good. You should realize that if they don’t want to be a part of your life, it is their loss, and you have not lost much at all. Look around at all the other people in your life that love and include you. Just because they are not blood relations does not mean they are not your family. Love yourself and allow those that love you to continue. 

SPEND TIME WITH OTHERS

Your family is those people that love and support you, so whoever those people are, that is where you should spend your time and energy. This is also the perfect opportunity for you to meet new people and expand your horizons. You hold power over your life, so do what is best for you.