What to do when family lets you down?

Thank you for your question, reader. This question is a bit broad, so I hope that I can respond in a way that provides some targeted help. All of us will be let down by our families in some way or another over the course of long relationships. We have complex and varied needs, and family dynamics have complications that don’t often allow everyone in the family’s needs to be met at once. So, what can we do about this? My best guidance is to strive for open communication with members of your family as often as possible. It is important that when someone, or the group, acts in a way that disappoints you or is hurtful, you tell them about what you are feeling. If we develop a pattern of holding back when disappointed or trying to ignore what we are feeling to appease others or avoid conflict, we rob ourselves of the chance that our problems will be resolved. One of the healthiest things we can do in families is normalized the fact that conflicts will come up and learn how to compromise and communicate effectively. I recommend trying this approach as step one when family lets you down.

Sometimes, the conflict resolution and communication method isn’t working in your family, and a hurtful pattern continues. Let’s talk about what to do if you are still feeling let down by your family, even after talking about what you are feeling. It is normal to feel hurt or disappointed, and you can help yourself with those feelings by using other healthy outlets for emotions. Some other ways to manage your feelings could be talking to other trusted people in your life, journaling, going for a walk, listening to your favorite music, hugging your pet, or breathing deeply. It is ok to acknowledge that your family let you down, and that hurts. A longer-term resolution to feel let down by your family is to examine your boundaries and your roles within your family. You might benefit from practicing to set new boundaries regarding how you act in response to family expectations and requests. I recommend doing some reading about personal boundaries or working with a mental health professional on setting healthy boundaries for yourself.